Ask the Tarot: Open Relationships, Work With the Dead & Baby Ambivalence

A recording from Michelle Tea’s live show on Spotify Greenroom from August 11, 2021.

 

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Michelle Tea: Hello, welcome to Ask the Tarot. This is a live recording from Wednesday, August 11th, and if you like it, I'm doing it again tonight, Wednesday, August 18th at 5pm Pacific, 8pm Eastern Time. Follow me, Michelle Tea, on Spotify Greenroom and get notified when I go live. Now, here is the show and enjoy. 

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Michelle Tea: Hello, welcome to the very first-ever debut Ask the Tarot show here on Spotify Greenroom. My name is Michelle Tea. I'm the host of the mystical podcast Your Magic. I've been reading — hey, you guys. I see everybody popping up. It's very exciting. I've been reading tarot for 15 years. Is that true? That's so long. I'm the author of the book Modern Tarot, and I love picking cards for people. And that's what we're going to do tonight. I solicited some questions from some folks over on the Instagram. Just ask people to share their problems with me so that I can pull some cards. So let's just get started and I'll make some room for you guys to also ask a question, either an advice question that you think the tarot can maybe help bring some clarity to, or if any of you are curious about tarot, have a tarot practice, I'd love to answer any questions in that way as well, if you think I could be helpful.

So, you guys, I got some juicy questions here on stack, so I'm keeping folks anonymous because that's the nice thing to do. I'll just tell you, this person is male and that's all I'm going to say OK? So here we go. Here's the question. My partner and I are having struggles with openness. Becoming open was a mutual decision. A lot of it for me dealt with having been sexually assaulted in 2019 and the reclaiming of my body. Good job. And for him, it has seemed to be slightly more of an interest in emotions with other men. And currently he has a crush on another man. These folks are living a wild life you guys. We've been in a period of loving each other very much and being very happy together. He has a struggle with his desire to be in a relationship, not a relationship with me, but a relationship in general. I understand some people are free spirits, right. All right. I'm not experiencing that struggle anymore any more than the usual questions that come with being in your late twenties. OK, this person is in their late twenties. This sounds like a late twenties problem to have, does it not? I mean, I've had them in my early fifties myself, so I'm not judging. I'm just I'm just I'm just recognizing, OK. Intimacy, but in particular, sex was a struggle at the start of our relationship. But then we found a really amazing rhythm. Since our hard talks, the amazing rhythm has sort of fallen off. Well processing can kind of kill things. That's the double-edged sword of open relationships, you guys. You think it's going to be this sexy, fun time, but in fact, you spend all your time crying and processing with your partner and you never want to have sex ever again. All right. Let's see. We both desire each other. But I'm worried that down the road, life has different plans for us in store. I have pulled both The Lovers and The Tower in rotation the last few days. So this is a person with a terrible practice. I feel all jumbled and lost and I'm looking for clarity.

All right. There's a lot going on here. The Tower card has come up for this person already. And The Lovers. You know, when I was younger and started reading tarot, I thought The Lovers card, when it came up, it was like super fun times. But in fact, when The Lovers card pops up, it usually means you're being asked to deepen your commitment or maybe walk away from a love relationship, sometimes from any kind of intimate friendship. But of course, often from romantic relationships. The Tower means that the structure has come down. So he's got this guy in both of them as a couple. They're dealing with their structure that they had based the relationship on coming down in the wake of this opening up. And so I'm going to pull some cards right now to see, you know, will life have different plans for us. I mean, doesn't life always have different plans for us? I like to ask more immediate questions, but let me see, so what does it look like if this if they sort of just commit to the struggle of it? Right. Commit to this is the way we want to have our relationship. We want to be open. We know we have to deal with some hard conversations, but ideally, we schedule some sex like we're old married people or whatever, just to make sure, sometimes you got to do that. You get to put sex on the schedule, especially maybe if you're spending all your free time processing. It might be good to have like a no processing zone. So what if they do this when I sort of do their own problem solving and commit to each other and to being in a relationship?

Let's see what cards are coming up for these folks. Oh, my gosh. OK, you guys, I love the tarot. As I mentioned, I've been reading for like fifteen years and I'm still astounded at the uncanniness of it. So I picked three cards. Sometimes when I do three card readings, the center card sort of feels like the centerpiece. And what's the centerpiece in this reading? I just pulled The Tower. Oh my gosh, The Tower again. So the message from the tarot is loud and clear. The Tower for folks who might not know about the tarot, it's sort of the more fear, the most feared card in the deck because it's rough when it comes up. It does mean that something very a structure, something that's central in your life is coming down. And we all go through Tower periods throughout our life. Right. We change. We have to go to the tower sometimes. The good part about The Tower is that something new is born amidst the rubble, but it can be hard to manage your way through. In the deck I'm reading with it's the Thoth Crowley deck. The image is of an eye opening up in the sky, it's like the eye of God, the eye of the universe opening up and beneath it, the city is falling apart. The buildings are crumbling. So it's a metaphor for when you see something really clearly and you can't unsee it. You can't pretend. So you can't pretend that there's not these problems. You can't pretend that you're not questioning your relationship and that the kind of forum and structure of your relationship being open has brought some problems into it. OK? So you're dealing with that. But then the cards on either side are kind of great. The first one is the Ace of Swords, all of the Aces, the first card in the minor arcana. And it's, they're all new beginnings. And the swords, the suit of swords deals with mental concepts. Right. How we think about things, talk about things, communicate how we write about things. It's our mind. So this is like a new way of thinking about love, relationships, sex. You know, this is going to necessarily change all of that. But it doesn't need to be bad because guess what's on the other side? Nine of Cups, which I love the Crowley deck because or the Thoth deck, I think actually called it. It was made by Aleister Crowley or conceptualized by him. The cards, the minor arcana cards, all have little titles. And Nine of Cups is titled Happiness. So listen, you know, it's they all have astrological affiliations also. It's Jupiter in Pisces. And that is just like big love, big bliss, big gifts, more and more and more and more and more. So what I'm going to say to this guy is commit and stay with this relationship. You know, don't ask, you know, is life going to pull us apart down the road? I mean, my God, you know, we're all going to die someday. I don't like answering those kind of questions. You know, I like to keep it a little bit more on the local side, you know, otherwise I feel like it can kind of encourage, like catastrophizing. Worst case scenario-ing. Right now, what's right in front of you is you're in this relationship and it looks like the process of dealing with an open relationship and figuring out how to bring the sexy vibes back in. It's a process that's going to be really important to you and you'll bring that with you regardless of what happens in the rest of your life, with or without this particular partner.

So I hope that was helpful. I see you guys are just chatting away. I see that there's some hands up. I do want to have you guys ask me some questions also. So I'm going to hit this little button. Who's who's asking, OK, I am going to bring up Arun Suraj and I hear what your question is.

Arun Suraj: Hello.

Michelle Tea: Hello.

Arun Suraj: Hi. How are you?

Michelle Tea: I'm good. How are you? 

Arun Suraj: I'm good, thank you. So I just stumbled upon this room, so I kind of wonder what this tarot card reading. 

Michelle Tea: This is a great basic question. Thank you for asking it. So basically the tarot is a deck of cards, OK? It's divided into two segments, the major arcana and the minor arcana. The minor arcana really just looks like playing cards. It's ace through ten, four suits. It really mimics playing cards. The major arcana, however, is a whole bunch of cards. I think there's twenty two in the major arcana and they're archetypes or icons. If you've ever seen images of tarot in media, you usually see a major arcana. It usually if it's like a horror movie or something, it's like The Devil.

Arun Suraj: Yeah, I’m sorry. Yeah.

Michelle Tea: But you can use these cards in really meaningful ways. I really like to use them to give me insight on issues that I might be having in my life if I'm torn between different paths, sometimes I pull cards to see what path is more open, are more beneficial to me. I like to pick a card every day to just see what's going on. What kind of energy am I running today? What should I be thinking about today? So there's lots of different ways people use tarot cards. I think, you know, famously people think that you can go to a tarot reader and it's like a fortune teller and they're going to tell you how many kids you're going to have and when you're going to die. I can't do those things, OK? I can't do I'm not a psychic. We all have intuition. And I think mine's pretty sharp, especially from working with tarot for so long. But really a good tarot reading, I think is like a really good therapy session. A lot of times it affirms what you already suspect, but it gives you a sort of confidence and a sort of peace ideally 

Arun Suraj: It it kind of like a basically came from the astrology kind of thing or… 

Michelle Tea: It's separate from astrology. Astrology is its own system, but some tarot cards do have astrological affiliations. So there are cards that are associated with a planet or associated with a sign or with a sign in a planet. And not all tarot decks provide that information that I'm reading with tonight does. And I actually love astrology. So I love getting that little bit of extra information about a card. But they are separate systems.

So I'm here right now. What we're doing today is I'm basically if you have a question about tarot or about, a question about if you'd like some advice about something that's going on, then, you know, what you can do is tell me what it is and I'll pick some parts for you. I see a little chat down here from Gigi and I see that she's saying, “How do you find the right deck? I want to get into tarot but I'm unsure of where to start.” I hear this so often, especially today, when tarot has become really popular and there are so many decks, it can be a little overwhelming. But I got to tell you, as someone who started reading in the 80s, it's so much better now. I'd rather have to pick between 50 supercool decks than 10 sort of dumb decks. So it's really a good thing. Gigi, I think, I don't know where you are. You might have an occult store in your neighborhood, in your city. You might have like a pagan, witch-y occult store, a bookstore that sells cards, go in and look at them or just, you know, you can do a quick Google on the goog on the Internet and just be like, “cool tarot decks.” So many will pop up. It's really OK to let the aesthetic pull you in. I mean, they are pieces of art and a lot of the ways that they work on our psyche and trigger intuition is through art, you know, in the art that moves us is going to open us up. So it's fine to let the images on the cards dictate if you're going to take a chance with it. So that's what I think you should do. And then once you get a deck, just familiarize yourself with it. They usually come with a book, read the book, do practice readings on yourself, pick a card every day to familiarize yourself, give your friends readings.

You know, I just I started reading as a teenager and me and my friends, we were teens. We had lots of drama. We always had our tarot cards to pull about who like to and this and that, who get punished by the parents. So, you know, your life might not be quite as dramatic as that of a 16 year old New England goth in the 80s. But, you know, you can just pick cards in different arrangements. And, you know, it's one thing to know what each card represents that's super important. But the more you get into it, you see how they interact with each other. You see how a card on its own means one thing, but then next to some other cards, the meaning could shift a little bit. So one thing that's cool is that it is never too late to start reading tarot and also you'll never master it. Like I said, I've been reading I think I said 15 years, but I think that was wishful thinking. It’s been 30 years. I’m much older than that. And I still feel like I need to study this. You know, I feel like I'm a scholar of the tarot or student, rather, and I'm always reminding myself, learning and learning. So good luck to you. And that's advice for everyone.

So I'm going to go to an Instagram question that came. And so this person says, Dude, what's my purpose now? How's that for relatable? This is a woman as she is. She was born and is a writer. But she says, Writing ain't working for shit. Well, that's a bummer. And that poops out on you. And she says, Maybe I'm wrong and I'm just being forced to take a knee. Now in the writing will come back. One glimmer is retirement, another queer seminary school. You guys, there are so many schools in the world, you can go to queer seminary school. Another: sitting back doing care, work for family, both blood and chosen and letting the next work phase come to me. That sounds so gentle. Another glimmer. Oh, wow, listen to this, you guys. Here's here's an option. Working with talking to the dead, which is like, why me? But also LOL, OK. Oh, my God, I love this person.

All right. So this question first came in as like, my writing is not happening. What should I do? So I you know, I read tarot cards professionally and a lot of time people come in and they say, what should I do with my life? And, you know, when I'm shuffling the cards, the cards aren't going to say, like, go to grad school. There's no grad school card in the tarot. There's no, like, take acting lessons. That's not a card in the tarot. So what I like to do is talk to folks and say, OK, your writing isn't working, you're bereft. You don't know what to do with yourself. What are some glimmers? What's just a flash of any path that you think might be kind of cool? Let's pick cards on it and see what does that look like for you. So, you know, in the interest of keeping it a little brief, I'm going to just pick one card for each path for this querent. You know people who are asking a question are called querents. All right. So now is the writing going to come back? Do we want to urge this person to just focus on that writing? Don't give up. Sometimes I'm a writer myself, and sometimes it feels like your writing is terrible, but it's not. Let me see. Retirement or just just a person just retire. That sounds sort of glamorous. Makes me think of like lounge chairs and beaches. OK, here's another one. Queer seminary school. Wow. All right. This is that's quite a calling to have. I really I'm really interested in that. OK, just pull that card. Another doing care work for family and letting the next phase come. So this is cool. That's very sweet one card for that. And then working with the dad. Holy crap. OK, so accepting the fact that you can talk to dead people in like doubling down on that. I mean I, I kind of think that if I could talk to dead people that's what I would want to do. But then it actually seems pretty hard to have that gift, it seems like it's very challenging, maybe some of you are familiar, maybe you're having that challenge right now. OK. And also here's another thing. Sometimes multiple paths are open, right? We don't just do one thing in our life. We do lots of things. So should you focus on writing? The Change card came up Two of Disks, Jupiter in Capricorn. Oh, I mean, I think that you should be open to writing, but your your relationship to writing, maybe what you have to say in your writing is going through a period of change and it's messing with you. It's feeling like, oh, it's not working, it's gone away. OK, let it go away. Just let it go away for right now.

How's retirement? Ace of Disks. I mean, is this a possibility for you? Can you just retire? If you can, it looks pretty good. I mean, the aces are all positive cards. You know, they do contain the energy of the entire suit and every suit has its ups and downs. But that's right. We accept that. And we know that aces are good cards. OK, queer seminary school. Oh don't do it. Sorrow, Three of Swords. I don't know. It looks like it's not what you think it's going to be. It's Saturn in Libra. Libra wants harmony and beauty and Saturn like too f-ing bad. You're not getting it so that just doesn't look like maybe it's what you think it's going to be. So I would say no to seminary school.

Doing care work and being gentle. Well, gosh, this is funny, you guys. So this happens to me a lot in tarot. You might be able to tell just from listening to me that I'm a rather opinionated person. A lot of times people say, oh, should I do this thing? I don't know, should I go move to Paris and busk on the street or something? And I'm like, that sounds amazing. It captures my imagination. I want to just tell them to go and do it. But guess what? No one wants my opinion. They want to know what the tarot says. So even though to me it sounds really nice to sit back and do care work, it looks like that's a bad path for this person. It's the Eight of Cups. In this deck, it's called indolence. And you know, what it means is that there's just some things being neglected. So that is very interesting that by choosing to focus all of your work on caring for others, it means that you get all of these broken cups and slimy water and drooping flowers. That's the imagery on the card. So now is as selfless as you probably are and no doubt your caring person to devote yourself to that is not your path in life. OK, don't do it.

Finally working with the dead. Oh, my God. You guys, you guys. She got the emperor, OK? The Emperor is a major arcana. So another thing that I want to say is what I'm doing, tarot readings, all the cards have information and you listen to them. But major arcana cards, they actually are kind of stronger, right? They kind of carry more weight. They're little more powerful. If I'm giving someone a tarot reading and a ton of major arcanas come up, I'm like, whoa, this person is having like a really meaningful moment in their life. So I look for major arcana. And with all of these different options, that's what's come up. The Emperor has come up with talking to dead people. So, yeah, actually, The Emperor is the king. Right. So royalty, leadership, energy, confidence, like it's Aries it's like knowing your destiny and marching proudly and strongly towards it. This is a great card to get in a career of reading because we all want to be the little emperors of our careers. Right. So, OK, after all that, you know, I'm still intrigued a little bit by the retiring and the change card. Again, sometimes I get to read all of these a little bit together. It looks like put the brakes on writing, OK, don't force it. Pretend that you're retired, OK? Pretend that you've retired from writing double down on this, talking to dead people thing because I think that not this year, maybe not even next year, but I think in the future you're going to get a book out of it. That Change card is not an ending, but it is. It is a card about things shifting and they often shift in a way that we don't like or that feels uncomfortable. So start talking to dead people. Or sounds like you've been doing it all along. So professionalize it. Monetize your conversations with the dead and get back to me when you want to write a book about it. OK?

All right. Going back into the hands, see whose hands are up here. And I'm going to call on Gozde Unal. And I hope I'm saying people's names properly. I'm sorry if I'm not.

Gozde Unal: Hello.

Michelle Tea: Hello.

Gozde Unal: How are you?

Michelle Tea: I'm good. How are you tonight?

Gozde Unal: I'm fine, thank you. So I was going to ask you about my love life. I haven’t found love

Michelle Tea: OK

Gozde Unal: So that's why I'm curious.

Michelle Tea: You're curious about your love life. OK, do you have a partner right now?

Gozde Unal: No, I just want to get married sometime soon.

Michelle Tea: You want to get married sometime soon. OK. Do you date? Do you, do you have people that you think are cute?

Gozde Unal: No, not at the moment.

Michelle Tea: Not at the moment. OK, let's see what the marriage arena looks like right now. That is just kind of see what the vibe look. OK, I'm pulling three cards, this is very interesting, we have a very interesting reading here for this. So again, I picked three cards. Sometimes when I picked up the cards, they seem to go in a chronological order and that's the story. But sometimes it feels like the middle card is like a centerpiece that's holding all of, like the majority of the energy. And your centerpiece card is a major arcana. And it's The Moon. The Moon in the tarot is a shady card. We love the moon. We worship the moon in real life. Right. We love it. But in the tarot, it represents a time when we just don't have clarity. We can't see straight. We don't know where the path is going. And the lack of clarity can sometimes make us feel scared, anxious, paranoid, depressed when it's like the lights are out and we don't know where to move and we don't know what to do with our energy. So it seems like there's some stagnancy in your love sector right now, and that looks really powerful.

What's interesting on either side of it are two really good cards, OK? One is the Three of Cups and that is a love card. It's called Abundance. It's Mercury in Cancer, and that's about communicating love. The card on the other side is called Power, and it's Four of Disks and it's Sun in Capricorn. May I ask you what your astrological sign is? And I'm going from like a Western astrology perspective.

Gozde Unal: I think I was born in December 22. I think I'm a Sagittarius or Capricorn, but I feel like more Sagittarius, actually.

Michelle Tea: You do. Oh OK, well, I was wondering about that Capricorn. So here's the thing.

Gozde Unal: It might be Capricorn too. Yeah. It might be Capricorn too.

Michelle Tea: It might be… I mean, in the sun is just one aspect of our astrological makeup. Right. And we pay too much attention to it, I think, in Western astrology. But I am always so you probably have other things and you could have other planets that are in Capricorn. So what this looks like to me is that you need to maybe take some get some power and take some control over your love life, maybe be a little bit more proactive about it. It looks like there is love out there for you to go and kind of chase down or investigate or soak up even. But with that Moon card, it would suggest that it's really hard for you to feel your way towards it. So what I would suggest doing is get up, make a plan. You know, you're going to turn some lights on, bring some light on the situation. What can you do to put yourself out in the world in some safe way that you can investigate who your options might be for love? You know, and I don't know if that means asking people to set you up with people that they know or if apps or something that work for you or if it's just about walking through the world in a more flirtatious manner and like putting a lot of energy out into the world. But we've got to get rid of this Moon. We got to get rid of the Moon.

So the Moon also talks about fears. So I often, when the Moon car comes up, I think, you know, make a fears list. What are your fears about love? What are your fears about marriage? Write them all down so you can kind of externalize them and look at them and kind of get to know them. Because sometimes when they're just swirling around and we're trying not to pay attention to them, they can kind of block us. So you've got to get to the bottom of what that Moon moodiness is so you can access your power and this abundance of love that's out there, does that make sense?

Gozde Unal: Yeah, it makes really sense. I thank you so much.

Michelle Tea: You're so welcome. I wish you all the love and good luck in the world.

OK, I'm going to now I'm going to pop in and see what do we get? What do we get here? Just seeing if there are any questions in this discussion. Oh, look, we got someone here who says, “What does it look like if I double down on writing my first book? I feel two ways of excitement about it. But ten to life in school distract me from it.” Oh, my gosh. If any of you are writers out there or have tried to write a book, I know that you know that this is very real. I mean, here's the thing. Every single force in your life will try to stop you from writing your book. That's just the truth. People in your life will stop trying to stop you from writing your book. They don't mean it. They're not bad. If they said if you said, “Hey, don't you want me to write a great book?” Anyone who loves you would say, “Of course I want that.” And yet what do they do? They try to get you to go have dinner with them. They want you to watch TV with them. They want to go on a walk or a hike. You could be writing your book at all of those moments. So it really is up to you to set aside time to do that. I have also found I'm shuffling while I'm asking these questions, by the way. I've also found that books are insanely easy to start and very difficult to keep going. I'm going to share something with you guys. I've written over 12 books, and it's it's really hard. It is hard work in about 50 pages into all of them, I think. Oh my gosh, this is the wrong book. This book is a terrible idea. What was I thinking? I should have written that other book and then I go a few times I've gone and tried to write the other book. Same thing happens 50 pages in. Oh my God, this book stinks. I'm a terrible writer. What am I doing? So, you know, our minds are not our best allies. What you've got to do is carve out the space, tell your friends you're not available to hang out with them until you've written the chapter of your book and just keep writing even when you think it stinks.

But I'm going to… that's my advice. But this is called Ask the Tarot, it’s not ask Michelle. All right. What does the tarot say about you doubling down and really taking this book seriously? What does it look like for you to do that? I want to say something before I even flip these cards. One thing that I really know about from from working with tarot is everything's timing, right? This is all about timing. A lot of times somebody asks a question and you get a “not now” and then you could ask that same question and then like, that path is open for you. So but you're talking about right now. Right now, what does it look like? Oh man. It doesn't look good right now. It doesn't look good right now. But let me tell you, it looks good in the future. And I'll explain why. Like like the woman whose cards I was just reading. Your centerpiece card is also The Moon. OK, so when The Moon card again comes up in a tarot reading, it means there's confusion. There's not a lot of clarity, there's a lot of feeling and a lot of emotion, but not necessarily a lot of plans or clarity. On either side of The Moon… So that stinks to have that for a writing project. Right. Because you want to know, you want The Sun for a writing project. You want to know what's the story, who's the characters? How is this moving. With The Moon, it seems like. Oh, you know, and again, the question was, can I fit it into my life right now? Is kind of what the question was. It looks like maybe there's a lot going on right now and maybe you just can't.

But but hold on. Hold on. The cards on either side of it. The first one is the Seven of Disks, OK? And that is a rough and rocky card to get. It's even named Failure in this deck, which I think is a little harsh frankly. I personally don't believe in success or failure as concepts. But but you know, what this does say to me is that disks are structured disks there. It's the earth suit. Right? So it's things that are grounded, things that are material, things like discipline, structure. It's your pen and your paper. So something there is out of whack. And it could be that you just don't have the discipline set up right now. But we were asking, what did it look like if you kind of tried to and it looks rocky, it looks like it could be a hard moment to try to implement a new a new writing discipline.

But check this out. On the other side of it, you have one of my favorite cards in the tarot. It's the Three of Wands OK and it's called Virtue. And what it means by Virtue, the suit of wands and the tarot, that's our life energy. That's the creative force. That's what makes you get up in the morning and want to write or want to go for a jog or want to drink a bunch of coffee. It's you being alive, OK? And when this card comes up, it's like all of your energy is focused in the perfect, beautiful right direction. It's a card that's a little bit about destiny. When it comes up. It's like, yes, you're doing what you meant you're meant to do in this world. It's Sun in Aries, which is a very self-centered card. And I don't mean that in a bad way. Being self-centered gets a bad rap, but there's times when it's really appropriate to center yourself and to center what you want. It might be a little hard for you to do that right now, but you by no means should abandon this project because that Three of Wands is telling me that it's important for you to write this book. This book is actually meaningful. You are meant to write it. You're meant to write some version of it, if not the version that you've got in your head right now. But more will be revealed.

I would say, keep taking notes, keep letting yours keep a little notebook. And every time you get an idea about it, write it down and then maybe wait until you feel like you have a little more space in your life. And then maybe ask the tarot again, is it time is it time for me to do this right now? Because, you know, if you've got other responsibilities in your life and you kind of keep starting and stopping your creative project because of your other responsibilities, I can see how that could make you just get really frustrated and make you feel like, well, this isn't even a good idea at all, but it is a good idea. But you've got to have the timing that supports it. I hope that that was helpful and I hope that it made sense.

OK, I'm going to go back over here to an Instagram question that I got today. I think we are all going to relate to this. I think a lot of people will. I need help feeling hopeful about dating again and putting myself out there. My mood right now is why bother? I mean, it's so easy to feel that way about romance, right? It feels so important. And yet we seem to have so little control over it. I'm going to switch I'm going to switch my decks right now, then I'm using. OK, so you guys, I explained a little bit what a tarot deck was. There's another kind of card deck that you can do these kinds of readings with, and they're called oracle decks. So they don't have the structure of the tarot. They don't have the major and the minor arcana. They don't have the numbered suits. What an oracle deck is, it's, the artist who creates it just picks a bunch of symbols and then decides that's what it means. And you can put whatever you want in it. I'm using an oracle deck called Vessel, and it has cards like movement, truth, anxiety, structure, romance. So, you know, it's really different and I find that it can be really helpful for real life situations sometimes the tarot. It's so ancient, right? We love it for being so ancient. But sometimes you're like, how do I interpret that for my real life? You know, this is a deck that I feel like is working with a lot of concepts that are, I think are pretty familiar to a lot of us. So, yeah, I love a good oracle deck, too, and this one is called Vessel and it’s a great one.

So I'm going to say, you know, what's the vibe? What, I'm going to ask is oracle deck to — this person's a female and she wants to know why why she should bother. So she's pretty despondent about romance. So I'm going to ask the oracle deck what should she be thinking about OK? What what would be helpful? What are some helpful things for her to be considering right now while she's sort of trying to energize herself in the love sphere? OK, and the three cards we've got here. Oh, my God, this is so funny. So the center card is romance. You guys got the Romance card for the romance reading, so. OK, yeah. You need to pursue this. OK, you got the why bothers. I, I'm, I'm sorry that you do, but the tarot is telling you that you do need to be putting yourself out there romantically right now. This is important. The other two cards on either side of Romance is Freedom and Forgive. So this is very interesting OK. Freedom and Forgive. So I want to talk about the Forgive card first. Like, can you forgive the life for being so imperfect? Can you forgive romance as a concept, love as a concept for being so filled with disappointment? I mean, I think we can all relate to that. Who hasn't had been bitterly disappointed by love? And, you know, you can end up feeling a little bit like a fool daring to go out again after love, having slapped you face a few times. But I just think that we are these little humans that desire romance. And, you know, you just have to honor that. You have to honor that your heart wants to love and see if you can forgive the imperfections of this world and of your fellow humans, forgive the people that you dated, even the ones who are unforgivable. Maybe just forgive yourself for having gone there, you know. If there's anything that you feel like you're carrying from past relationships, any resentments, make a list of them. They could be blocking you a little bit. They could be bringing you down. And you need to be lifted up. You need to be bringing yourself up. There's you know anyone could make a list of of how stupid love is and how none of us should bother. But it would be sad to live like that, don't you think? I don't know. I'm a romantic.

Also freedom. So here's something. While you are single, what can you do with that freedom? I mean, I know a lot of us, we've all had our freedom curtailed a bunch because of a pandemic. But you know, that said, what can you do that you can't really do when your partnered. Can you go do it? Go travel alone, go. And, you know, I wish I could show you guys this card. It's so beautiful. It's like a giant heart and an eyeball in a rainbow and stars and clouds and trees and flowers. It's like the world. So I think it could be something about like, you know, yes, put yourself out there, try to have a good attitude, forgive what needs to be forgiven. And also, meanwhile, live your life, right? You're free and you have this life. And romance is not the end-all be-all. So enjoy your life, enjoy your freedom. And I think that by just focusing, not focusing on yourself and your wonderful life, I think a lot of romance questions might kind of fall into place. I'm just seeing you being out there, being like that amazing person that like seems like they don't give a crap about being in a relationship and then as a result, everybody wants to date them. You know what I mean. That's you. So good luck doing that.

OK, let me see who we got here. Who wants to jump up. Jay Yuki, may I help you?

Jay Yuki: Hey. Hello. How are you?

Michelle Tea: I'm good. How are you doing. 

Jay Yuki: I'm good. I'm just more o like thinking about stuff because it feels like every time I feel like I make progress with anything, it's always like a setback. 

Michelle Tea: Yeah. Ups and downs. So is there a specific issue, problem. You know, is there something in particular that you want to get some insight on? 

Jay Yuki: Well, it’s moreso like the industry and the business that I'm like trying to set forward, for myself and also like my love life as well. So like whatever like say, for example, I was with somebody for over, I want to say a year and a half and then like this was somebody that… I'm pretty young. So obviously, like I probably should be thinking like that, but I was like, so set like OK, like I feel like I'm going to be with this person for a very, very long time. And then it just ended in, say, for example, like the industry that I worked it work. It's like direct marketing. It's like an industry where we all like essentially what they're trying to do is like try to train business partners in their company to actually own their own companies, to oversee different operations. So, yeah, I just had another major setback when it comes. So like my progress, like when it comes to it. So my goal was to be able to open up my own my own company by November, but obviously, like I just got affected with COVID. Yeah and now I can't actually do anything for the next week and a half. So I have to literally try to figure out something to do in that timeframe.

Michelle Tea: For a week and half. All right. Well, listen, I'm going to pick cards about this path that you're on. I'm not going to lie. I don't know nothing about business. I'm a tarot reader and I write memoirs. I mean, I could be less business savvy, you know, so I don't quite understand your industry. But what I am hearing is that you're involved. You know, you're working on stuff. You're moving forward. I hope you on a pyramid scheme Jay, don't sign onto a pyramid scheme, OK? 

Jay Yuki: Trust me. Trust me. It's not a pyramid scheme. 

Michelle Tea: All right. All right. 

Jay Yuki: We work with, like, actual major corporations. 

Michelle Tea: OK, all right. All right. I'm going to just look at what does this path look for you? Yeah, there's been setbacks. I mean, that's part of everyone's story. Not to minimize your frustration at all, but that doesn't necessarily mean that there isn’t other good stuff coming up. Yeah, OK. This is your path. All right. This is your path. And it's hard. I hate when the tarot says that. You know, I just I want I want just to be like, it's a bad path. Get out of it. Or I want it to be like it's a very good path. Unicorns and roses for the rest of your life. But here's the deal. Your centerpiece card for this card reading is called Science. It's a great card. It is Six of Swords. It means you're using your mind in the best way possible. Your analysis is spot on. You see things clearly. You're making good decisions. So that is really great. It’s also Mercury in Aquarius. Aquarius can be a little, you know, thinking ahead of its time, communicating ahead of its time. So, you know, but I think that this is cool. You know, I think that there's something innovative about you and about the way your mind works. So that is really good on either side, though. Tough times, man. On one side, you have the Queen of Cups. Some tarot decks have the present. The Queen of Cups is just being like, very sweet and romantic. This deck shows her kind of encased by steam. Right. Which is water, which is cups. You can't even see your face. So when this card comes up, she sort of like a little miniature Moon card. When this card comes up, you can't see things. It's really hard to see straight or see clearly, which is interesting because you've got this card, this middle card Science is saying you do see clearly, like at a core level, you're very capable and you do see things clearly. But it's like does these situations you're talking about are making it so that you don't really you can't fully see your next move.

Also, your next card is the Nine of Swords. All right. On the other side, which is called Cruelty. And this deck, there's a famous image in the Rider Waite tarot of the person sitting up in bed having having just woken up from a nightmare, clutching their head. So when the Nine of Swords comes up where we're kind of in a little bit of a nightmare, you know, things something hasn't gone our way. Things have not gone our way. But we're making it worse by dwelling on it, catastrophizing, writing a narrative about it that we're going to hold on to even after this moment has passed. So you don't want to do that. It's like you want to really I think with this with your work stuff is like play the long game, you know, like really, you know, keep your eyes on the prize. Like, know what you're working towards, you can you can trust yourself and just try not to let it's like the Cruelty card is the set backs and then the Queen of Cups is that way that it's making you feel real like cloudy. Right. But it does look like sticking sticking with this, sticking it out and just doing the next right thing, you know, is going to take you where you need to get it. Looks hard though, man. I'm sorry. It's it's a hard path, but it doesn't look like you should abandon it. You know, if it was all hard, I would be like, maybe this isn't the right industry for you. But with that Six of Swords, I would say this, it is a good industry for you. And and you're seeing it clearly, but you are definitely the setbacks have definitely sort of depressed you. It's affecting your emotions with that Queen of Cups is what I would say. 

Jay Yuki: Yeah, that's extremely accurate, honestly. 

Michelle Tea: Well, you know, keep planning for the future. You know, try try not to dwell on your emotions, but like, you know, brainstorm things that occupy your mind, reaching out, communicating with other people who are in your field so that you still feel you always feel like you're kind of doing something even in a lull. For love, you know, I'm going to pick three cards from the oracle just the way I did with the woman who I was going for about love a moment ago, because it sounds like a similar situation. It's like you've got your heart broken. You thought you were going to be with someone. It didn't it didn't go the way you wanted it to. And now you're left in this sort of like, what's next? You know. And I think that's really relatable. I'm going to see what this oracle deck has to talk to you, what kind of advice it has for you. All right. So this is really interesting, your middle card for this is Light, OK, it's just Light and it's all these beautiful stars and it just says Light. So what I think that and then on either side you have Structure and Endurance. This is very interesting. I think that the light is you, right? You're the light, you your inner light, that desire. You have to connect with other people and to be intimate and to and to bond like that. That's your light, the Structure and the Endurance. That's very interesting. It's like the Endurance is like, I wish I could show you the picture. It's like it's like a little city with hearts in it and it's being held up from underground with hands. And it's like this is just a time period that you need to get through. OK, and with that Structure card, like what can you do? How can you bring structure into the situation? Like, are you putting yourself out there? Can you? Like is there a way that you can kind of take control and put a little structure around this sort of like romantic longing you might be feeling? You don't want to be sitting around like, I don't know, like playing video games and just like being bummed, like you want to actually be like, OK, like I actually need to take care of my emotional self because it's gotten wounded by this breakup. What can I do to, like, build myself back up. The Structure crad are all these houses that have faces. So it's like how can you build up your structure again so that you can kind of go back out into the world and and draw people towards you with your light. Does that makes sense?

Jay Yuki: That makes sense.

Michelle Tea: All right. I mean, I'm sorry for your setbacks. Try not to just know that we all go through periods of this. And it's not it's not like your story. You know, it's not your narrative doesn't need to be your narrative. You can write a new narrative. And I think doing that in your mind and even on paper, I don't know it could it can have some power to it. 

Jay Yuki: OK, that all makes us like everything you explain, like it makes perfect sense. 

Michelle Tea: I’m glad. Good luck to you with work and love. 

Jay Yuki: Thank you so much. You have a great day.

Michelle Tea: You too. 

OK, I'm going to look down here in the comments, see what's happening here. I love you witchy people on this comments with your all your name dropping famous witches and stuff like that. Let me see if there's anything here that I can pull from. Oh, look at this. We get it. We get one here. OK, I'm going to read it.

I just started a new job this week, but I'm also doing remote work that I really love. I'm just not sure if doing both is sustainable. To complicate matters, the new job, which is a super good opportunity, financially-speaking, is in the same office as my former best friend, who basically broke up with me a few years ago when I married my partner. Oh, no. This is very dramatic. And more complicated. What, there's more. Giving up the remote work might mean walking away from my best chance at getting published. So far things have been OK, but I just have no idea if I made the right choice. Should I stick with it, chuck it all and move to Richmond, Virginia. Only kind of kidding. My tarot readings are all over the place.

OK, all right. So let me see. Doing the new job, also doing remote. Not sure if both are sustainable. OK, new job picking some cards right now because I'm picking on a few questions for you, Chelle. I'm going to pick one card for each. OK, so we're really relying on each card to do a little more heavier lifting. So I just picked one card for your new job and then one card for the remote work. What does that look like? The remote work you love. You don't think of the sustainable, but I'm going to see is it sustainable starting at the very beginning. So probably you have gotten your groove yet, maybe it's more sustainable. You realize maybe not picking a card on it. OK, the new jobs in the same office as the former best friend. Yikes. OK, do we want I'm going to put the card on this former best friend. What's the vibe there? What is the vibe on the former best friend. Why are they back in your life this way. That's wild. OK, walking away might mean walking away from my best chance of getting published. I call bullshit on that. There's so many ways to get published. Nobody just has one right to publish. But I do want to pull a card on publishing for you. What does it look like for publishing? OK. And should I chuck it all and move to Richmond, Virginia? I mean, you know, everybody has their special little town that they love, that other people are like, what's so great about that place. Mine is Tucson, Arizona? I love that place so much, but I been to Richmond. It's cute.

OK, so let's see, the new job. The new job is Princess of Disks. Yes, she's great. Here's her deal. You know, she's been through in this deck again, the disks, this earth. And it's this picture of this pregnant woman actually, who it has this tangle of trees behind her. So the feeling is she's just come through a really gnarly road and now she has she's going to give birth. She has something to give birth to. So it's sort of like I would say that like your work, you're like your career history perhaps has been a little tangled. You've learned a lot. And now here you are, this new job and you ready to do it. Disks are great for for work. So this looks really good to me. All right. So your new job is good stuff, ooh but the remote work is really good. The remote work is really good. It's The Magician, it's a major arcana. It's beautiful, it's like, yes, I am manifesting I am doing something that makes me feel alive and magical. I'm very good at it. So, wow. OK, they both look good. But guess what, friend? You're right, doing both is not sustainable in the long run. I just pulled the Prince of Cups. OK, in this deck. In the Thoth deck. He's this guy, he's a Scorpio. He's he's moody af right. He's on a giant bird. The bird could fly very high. That would be nice. The bird is magic. It could also go underwater. Also a cool thing. But he's not doing either. He's just sort of hanging out, skimming the surface. He's not going deep. He's not flying high. He's looking into his cup. He's moody and self obsessed. So that's not good. So you're right. They are not it's not sustainable for you to do both of them. I, looking at these two cards would say, you want to go with The Magician, maybe you want to make it go as long as you can, since it sounds like the Princess of Disks is maybe a little bit financially fulfilling with those disks, but The Magician will take care of you financially as well.

OK, so let me see, what else do we have here? We have the wait. Let me see the friend. What's up with the friend? Interesting Ace of Swords. Could it be time for a fresh communication with this friend? You probably have tried to talk to this person. I'm not trying to minimize the situation in any way, but the Ace of Swords is about a new beginning. And it's a communication card, right? The swords are talking, swords are writing. Could you write this person a letter and leave it on their desk? I mean, it must be a pretty big elephant in the room, right? You guys are working in the same office with this broken friendship between you. I mean, I don't know that you're ever going to be best friends again. Maybe you will know. But, you know, this card doesn't say that, but it does say that you can have a new beginning, some fresh communication. So I like that. I like this new communication for you.

Publishing, OK, for the publishing you got the Knight of Wants. That is fire on top of fire. The knights are fire in the tarot and wands are fire and you're on fire. You don't need any one particular person, place or thing to get you published. OK, publishing industry is a really big, vast place. Your book, if you write it, will find its home. They always do. So you don't need to worry about that. And that makes me happy to see that. That was my feeling. Gosh, sometimes it's really hard to tell you guys when it's my advice and when it's the tarots, but I'm glad the tarot is agreeing with me right now.

Finally, should you move to Richmond, Virginia? Yeah, sure. Why not? That looks cute. Looks real cute to move to Richmond, Virginia. But hold on a second. I'm going to shuffle. I need to compare and contrast because that's sometimes sometimes, you know, you guys, I'm like, oh, wow, a person's asking me if they should uproot their entire life and like, what if they listen to me, you know what I mean? A lot of pressure. So I need to compare and contrast before I definitively say that, yes, you should. So now I'm saying, what does it look like if you don't move to Richmond, Virginia? OK, it just just remains that special place to you. I got good news for you. You're going to be happy either place. OK, you you got the ace of wants. We're not leaving. If you don't leave, it looks like there's some some energy to kind of restart and recommit to your life where you are right now, a way to reinvigorate that life. But listen, you got the Nine of Wands for moving. It's called Strength. It's moon in Sagittarius. I have my moon in Sagittarius. And it is an astrological place, but it wants to travel. It wants to experience different places, different cultures, different atmospheres, different weather. So it actually looks quite nice for you to do that.

So here, here's your plan. OK, you're going to write a letter to your ex friend, OK? You're going to eventually quit that job and go remote, especially probably when you move to Virginia. That makes a lot of sense, doesn't it? And and you're going to publish your book with or without the help of whoever whoever you think might help you. Maybe they will. Maybe they won't. But you can still get your book published.

All right, you guys, let me see. I got another question here that came in through the Instagram. Let me see. My question is, I'm 36 years old and in a wonderful partnership and so torn about whether to try to have children someday, one day, soon at all? That's relatable. The state of the world is overwhelming and scary to me, and the answer to trying to become a mother has never been one that screams clearly out of my ovaries like many claim it does with them. Gosh, I always envied those people. I also I have a six year old, but I relate to this. I was ambivalent, real ambivalent. I was like, I wish I just knew, you know, because it's such a big undertaking. OK, anyway, enough about me. I am a teacher and love children in general slash other people's children. But the gravity of my decision gets to my anxiety and ambivalence. I would be thrilled to have you pull a card for me regarding the question, if possible. Sure, should this person have a kid?

All right. So what does it look like? If you and I I'm going to I'm going to pick up a pro/con and three cards for each because it’s a big question. OK, what does it look like for you to be like, you know something? The world is imperfect and scary. And I don't know if this is the best decision for me, but I keep thinking of it. It's on my mind. I'm going to give it a try. I'm going to do it. I'm going to trust that whatever, you know, little person I give birth to wants to be who wants to be down here in this overwhelming and scary world, they're somehow in the great mystery of the universe. We don't know how any of this works. You guys, they chose to come down. All right. People believe that. I don't know what I think, but I like to believe that because sometimes I do look at my son and think, why the hell did I bring this little being into this cesspool that we call Earth? But we do it. We do it. We feel compelled to do it. And it doesn't make sense and it doesn't necessarily have to make sense. But maybe you can just trust that if you do go for it, you're going to be bringing into life a spirit that wants to be brought into life.

So I just picked three cards. And now alternately, what if you don't you know. There's so many other things people can do besides have kids. I mean, obviously, there's great arguments for not having kids. I'm not going to get into it, but you probably know them. You can Google. Do you remember that guy who sued his parents for having him was like, I didn't want to be born. So, you know maybe you are sparing somebody having to get a job and support themselves. And meanwhile, what can you do with all that extra time and money you can go live abroad, right? That's always what I want to do and go live in another country. Maybe you can go buy an expensive purse. Maybe that would feel satisfying and you can give that expensive designer purse all the love that you would have given to your baby. I mean, I'm kidding and I’m not, you know what I mean. What does it look like for you to say, you know, it's not my path. So many amazing, amazing women who have chosen the child-free path. And I love them. And I respect them. It’s a good path.

OK, having a baby and not having a baby. Wow. I mean, I got to say, they're kind of similar. They're more similar. OK, both of these paths for you are more similar than I would like a tarot reading to be. OK, especially for such a big question. Here's the thing. They both have major arcanas in them, you know, and what's really interesting is, OK, here's the thing, though. There are some I'm going to tell you something that I use as a guide in my tarot readings. There are some cards that when they come up in a reading, it's a yes. It doesn't matter if every card around it is like mayhem, the sky is falling, swords up the wazoo. If you get The Universe, for example, that's your destiny. You've got to walk towards that. Destiny might be a hard destiny. Why do we think our destinies aren't meant to be hard? Sometimes, of course they are. So for having a baby, you got Fortune. And that is one of those cards for me. OK, like Fortune is like it's not the universe that's a bigger destiny card. But Fortune is about a big positive change in this world, OK, in your world and there is a sense of destiny attached to it. So regardless of what the other cards are, I would kind of be like, I think you're supposed to have a baby. I think that's what the tarot card is saying.

Next to that, there are two kind of mom cards in the tarot, OK, at least in this tarot. The Empress, of course, is the big mom card of the major arcana. You didn't get that. But you've got the Princess of Disks. She's pregnant. You got a pregnant lady card for should I get pregnant. So thank you tarot for being so on the nose and helping me do my job. And here's the thing again. You know, this card came up for somebody else tonight. The thing about the Princess of Disks is she's been through it. You know, she's got again, she's got a tangle of trees behind her. Doesn't look like it was easy to walk through those trees. And your decision to have a baby hasn't been an easy walk for you. Right. You're struggling with all of these things with your anxiety, triggering your anxiety. It's you know, it's making you think about the world in a certain way. That's hard. But is there a way to kind of make peace with our imperfect realm that we're all hanging out in and say, OK, I'm going to do it, I'm going to have this experience? I mean, that's what it was like for me anyway. I don't know what — you're definitely making a case for, what's pulling you to not have a kid. But you're not saying that much about where the draw to have a kid, what that feels like. Right. But for me, I just felt like I want I want to experience everything right. So I want that experience. So maybe you're like that. I do want to say you've got the Five of Wands too. That's a hard card. It's Strife. And I think that it is affirming. It's the very first card in this three card pull Strife. Then the Princess of Disks, then Fortune. Strife coming up first, it's Saturn in Leo. And I feel like this is this is like a picture of that ambivalence. Leo wants to have all the babies, OK? Leo is like, so fun. Leo wants to play. Leo just wants to have a good time and Saturn is like, how can you do that? The world is on fire. Why would you do that? So it's really a glyph of your inner struggle and I'm sorry about that. But it looks like. Yeah, you accept that. Can you make some peace with that and accept it? Like, you know, maybe there's a way that's going to make you a cool parent. Maybe there's something in that mix that is going to, you know, be an influence on the way you parent. And maybe that's actually really cool. Princess of Disks, she's pregnant. Fortune. Yes. So anyway, it looks good. I would say have a baby. At least try. Who knows what's going to happen.

However, should you choose to ignore my advice and no one would blame you, should you choose to ignore the advice and not have a baby, your life is awesome. Your centerpiece card is The Hierophant. It's Taurus. It's very wise. I mean, you can rest in knowing that you made a very smart decision to not have a child. Right. If you want to just go on sort of intelligence, you know, knowledge in a very traditional way, which is what The Hierophant is about. He's not about witchy intuition so much. He's about, you know, what's right, what's wrong, what's smart. What isn’t? Yeah. Yeah, it's dumb in so many ways to have a kid. And I think that if you decide not to, you can rest, you will rest easily and that you're not going to be tormented, OK? You're just going to be tormented right now while you're making the decision. You also have the Virtue card and the Gain card. Virtue means that, again, if you choose not to have a kid, that's going to feel really right for you. It is going to feel right for you. You're not going to be like that comic strip, that Roy Lichtenstein art or something where it's like “I forgot to have kids.” You know, that lady — that's not you. You're going to be fine because Nine of Disks here is called Gain, and it means you're going to have so much more resources at your disposal. And, you know, having a kid shouldn't be a material decision, but of course, it is on some level. Right. And you're definitely going to enjoy having extra resources.

So, listen, the decision to have a kid is going to make you interact with all of these harsh things about life and about your own anxiety and how you process pain and how you process the strife of life. Right. But it still looks awesome if you decide not. You know something, I don't want to deal with that in this life. Maybe the next life, that's great. You can, in fact, just buy a nice purse, move to Paris, and have like many lovers or be honest and you can live that life.

Uh you guys. It's been an hour, so I'm pretty much going to peace out in a moment. But I'll take one more request from the room. Before I do that, I'm going to bring up Timothy Hart, who's been so patient. Hi, Timothy. Is Timothy still here? Oh no, maybe Timothy has gone. What about Carly Levy, it's Carly here?

Carly Levy: Hello. Hi.

Michelle Tea: Hi.

Carly Levy: Oh, my gosh. I'm so happy to be talking to you. I love Modern Tarot. I can't believe I'm talking to you.

Michelle Tea: You're very sweet.

Carly Levy: Wow. I was not expecting this. I don't want to take up. I feel like your time is over.

Michelle Tea: Oh, it's OK. I'm happy to pick cards for you. I'm happy to do it.

Carly Levy: OK, so my life is like blown up.

Michelle Tea: OK.

Carly Levy: I recently left my job of eight years kind of like forcefully and my relationship of 12 years, which I thought was really strong. He struggles with addiction and he has relapsed and I didn't know. So I feel like my life is very blown up. But I also feel like, I also feel very calm, like I feel like past me would have not handled this very well. But I feel very calm and I feel very like one day at a time and I feel very capable. But there's like a little part of me that's like you should be more angry or you should be more upset or you should be doing this differently. And I just feel like the cards have been helpful. But it would be great to get some insight from someone else. On like if my, if I'm on the right track with just like being forgiving and taking it one day at a time. Am I making sense?

Michelle Tea: You do makes sense. Yes, you do make sense. I just want to tell you, like if you're not feeling angry, just enjoy it. You still might later, you know, things come in waves, especially around like big traumas like break ups and stuff. But I would say just enjoy. But let's see, like, ah, you know, it makes sense to kind of it sounds like you're very you really want to know what your real truth is here and you're worried that you're you're not experiencing it. So let's see.

Carly Levy: Yeah. That that makes sense. Like I don't know if I should be doing more because I kind of feel like I'm just being just one day at a time. Like whatever I would do brings me and trying to like live in the moment. And I don't know if I should be like making big decisions or like, you know, I don't have a job right now. I'm unemployed. And that freaks me out now. But also I'm feeling calm about it, like, what's going on?

Michelle Tea: OK, OK. You know, I mean, people become like practitioners of various religions and spend their whole life trying to live in the moment. So if you're just living in the moment and you're acing it right now just feel proud of yourself, here's here's the cards that came up for you with this question. OK, your centerpiece card is the Ace of Swords. So, yeah, you this is a new beginning for you. Things are starting over. And it's interesting. It's it's the Ace of Swords. It's mental. Right. So it's sort of like how you think about this, how you're processing it. It's sort of what your question is like. Am I processing this properly? Like, should I be more mad? It's about, swords are analysis, how we can analyze our lives, you know, and the things going on around us. So that looks great. It's like, yeah, you know, you're looking at this. You're probably like you said, you know, if I had gone through this earlier in my life, I'd be different. Yeah, it's true. Like, you have an ace. This is a new way to process this moment where so much is changing for you. And it certainly could feel like a loss. But I'm looking at these cards that came up and it it looks like you're really connected to the fact that this isn't necessarily just like a big loss, you know.

The two cards on either side of your Ace of Swords are the Knight of Disks and the Prince of Want. The Knight of Disks, this is so interesting. He is the only knight, the knights are all about action right there. Like their horses are jumping into the air and it's it's fire. But this knight is the only knight whose horse is not jumping into the air. All four hooves are on the ground. And he's just sort of like chewing some grass. He's just taken a break. You know, this is a great card. Like you're like, should I be looking for a job? Should I be doing more? No, no. Ground yourself. Be nice to yourself. You'll know when it's time to make a move, OK? Trust that you'll know when to do the next right thing. You'll know what that is. Another thing about the Knight of Disks that I love is that, you know, he's holding a big shield and the sun is reflecting off of it and it is turning a hillside in the distance green. So what it's saying is that even though the sky isn't moving, he's not jumping around and doing stuff. But just by staying still, he's creating change and he's creating growth. Right. So it's like it's OK for you to incubate right now. It's OK for you to catch your breath to ground to just like maybe all you do a day is like cook yourself a really healthy meal and take a bath, like it could be that kind of life right now. And that's totally fine. It's all about grounding yourself, taking care of yourself. And you don't have to make any big moves or any moves at all unless. Dot, dot, dot. This brings me to your other cards. It's super fun for you because your other card is the Prince of Wants. He wants to have a great time. He's a Leo. We're in Leo season. It's a weirdly off season to have in pandemic, but certainly more Leo than it was last year. He's all about romance, play, fun, sex, joy, you know. So it's like if you're able to access joy right now, don't feel bad about it. It doesn't mean that you don't care. It doesn't mean that you're deluded or in denial like you're having, I think, a very to me, it looks like your feet are on the ground. You see what's happening. You're affected by it. But like, you're just able to the one day at a time thing is really working for you. That Ace of Swords is very about like a purity of mind, right? It's about a purity of mind and a new way of thinking about things that is elevated. Right. The Knight of Disks is about just like being chill, being grounded. You don't have to go running around looking for a job or doing much of anything right now. As much as your life allows that for you, you know, just enjoy the downtime. And then Prince of Wands, if you do want to go out and dance or hang out with friends or laugh or do anything that feels incredible, maybe you want to go — I'm always telling everybody to go on a trip, go on a trip. But, you know, the prince of ones likes to do those kind of things. Does that make sense? Was that helpful?

Carly Levy: Yes, that was very helpful. Thank you. It was very affirming.

Michelle Tea: It's very affirming. You don't need to worry that like there's something you're not seeing. There's something you're doing wrong. You should be doing more or less. No, you get to determine the balance every day. The Ace of Swords, it's a double edged sword, you know. And so there's like this balance. Swords are often about balance in the tarot. So it's like you get to decide which side of the sword you're using that day. Maybe you're an angry sword that day. Maybe you're a detached sword that day, like you get to call it. And if you have days that are enjoyable to you while you're processing loss, awesome. Just enjoy it.

Carly Levy: Oh, my God. Thank you so much.

Michelle Tea: You're very welcome. I wish you so much luck in all these new chapters of your life.

All right, you guys. Wow, this was really fun for me. It was fun for all of you as well. I'm going to be here every Wednesday, 5 o'clock Pacific, 8 o'clock Eastern. You can find me on Instagram @michelleteaz with a Z because you can you can DM me there. Right. And you can get me some questions for next week, if you like. I'll try to do a balance between people writing in — because sometimes you want to write your questions or shy, I get it. and I'll definitely be taking requests from folks who raise their hands.

You can also check out on Spotify my podcast called Your Magic, and it's a really great show where I interview celebrities like Kathryn Hahn and Phoebe Bridgers and folks that we love. And I talk to them and I read their tarot cards. And we give you a little spell to do at home, if you like that kind of thing. OK, so. All right, you guys, that's all. And Raven Yamamoto, I'm also obsessed with you. And I'm out. Have a great night.