Ask The Tarot: My Friend Is Besties With My Fiance's Ex – Should I Let Them Go?

This is a recording of our Spotify Live show from June 9, 2022. Tune in on Spotify every Thursday at 6 PM PT/9 PM ET to catch Michelle Tea’s tarot readings. Or listen on the Spotify Live app where you can join the chat — you’ll even have a chance to ask the tarot what’s on your mind.

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Michelle Tea: Hey, everyone. So thank you so much for tuning in. I am wondering, did you know that you can now join ask the Tarot every Thursday at 9 p.m. Eastern live on Spotify. That's right, lies. But we all know the best part of tarot isn't just listening. It's getting your own cards read. Have a question about your future or your past, maybe about your love life or your career. I want to hear from you. All you have to do is download the Spotify Live app in your app store or click the link in our episode descriptions to sign up for free. Then follow ask the tarot in the Spotify Live app to get notified every time I go live and hear what the tarot has in store. Why miss out on that?

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Michelle Tea: Hello, everybody, it's Michelle Tea. Welcome to another evening of Ask the Tarot, the Spotify live show where you can get your tarot cards read live right here. If this sounds exciting to you, if there is a problem just eating at you and you need some, you know, mystical insight, just raise your hand and maybe I will call on you. Can't get to everyone. I will try my best. There is another way to ask your question. If you feel a little shy, I get it. You can find me on Instagram @michelleteaz T-E-A-Z and you can. You can message me there with your question and I will try to get to it another night. So those are the two ways that you can participate. And if you happen to be listening on Spotify and you want to participate just over to Spotify live, okay? And not only can you do that, but you can be part of this amazing chat or as Jasmine just called it, the virtual calls, I believe. Right. Okay. Although, guys, is it even funny to say that I'm like watching I've been watching all these cult documentaries like this is very terrifying to anyone who has seen that documentary The Way Down. I think it's on HBO. Okay. About the like the the crazy big haired, like, eating disorder or Jesus cult lady. We have the same birthday. I'm terrified. So there's that. And then I was watching like the Teal Swan one and I was just like, man culture a real. But we can be we can be a virtual cult. We'll be a virtual cult. So anyway, this happens every Thursday, right? We're here at 6:00 on the West Coast, 9:00 on the East Coast. If you love this and you want to listen to more of them, just go over to Spotify, search for ask. I mean, sorry, search for your magic. That's my podcast. And in that feed, you'll also find back episodes of Ask the Tarot. We are the good and loving kind of cult. Jasmine That's right. People can leave whenever they want, right? That's. That's how come? That's what makes us a good cult. Okay, you guys, I'm going to just jump in with one question that came to me in Instagram. This question is so full of red flags, I would love for somebody to be able to count how many red flags they detect in this question. Okay. It's basically going to be impossible for me to not jump in with my own $0.02 as I read it. But, you know, I think people know that they're going to get a little bit of that for me if you send me a question. Okay. It's about love. First part. I have been on and off with my partner for six years. We used to live together, broken up, got together the works. Currently he doesn't consider us boyfriend girlfriend but we act like it always together, etc. I took it as we were working things out again, but it's been over a year and the relationship isn't moving forward. Okay, that's my first red flag. It's not moving forward because he doesn't consider you boyfriend girlfriend. So you have that information, right? Okay. He says he loves me and he does care for me, but it's just very confusing and I feel like I'm missing out on life. You are missing out on life because you're, like, focused for one year on this guy who's telling you very clearly. It sounds like in both words and actions that he doesn't want to be with you. Okay. I'm always telling myself, I just want a side, dude. You know, you could actually have a what's the opposite of a side dude? Like a front dude, like a forward facing dude. You could have a forward facing actual boyfriend dude because like, yeah, you could do that or find someone else date. Just go out and meet people. I used to talk to a lot of guys, but now it seems like no one is interested in me. Well, you know, I'm sure you're not really giving off available availability vibes. Right. Okay. I was told previously and another reading years ago that he would make an amazing father. So it just makes me wonder if he is meant for me and I need to be patient. Okay. Oh, my God. There's, like, 16 red flags in this one tiny little sentence. All right? He's an amazing Father. So he's meant for you. Guess what? Lots of dudes are amazing fathers. This is not the only guy who is an amazing father. So if you are looking for a guy who would make a great dad because you want to start a family, you could find a great dad who actually wants to be with you. That should be the standard. Enthusiastically wants to. Be with you. And as a great dad, he's not meant for you. You shouldn't have to be patient for a whole year. You know, if somebody can't see that you're rad and they want to be with you, you just say bye bye to them. He's a Taurus and I'm a Sagittarius. That gives more insight. Yeah, I mean, he's a Taurus. He's not going to fucking do anything. It's like he has done it. He's done it, and it's done. And you're a Sag. Oh, my God. And you're so optimistic. But sometimes, you know, I have a lot of Sag on my chart. Sometimes that optimism can really bite you in the behind. And that is what's happening to you, I think. Anyway. Okay, should I just keep my options open and date behind his back? No, girl, you should date in front of his face because he's not your boyfriend. Okay? Why haven't I met anyone else? I used to have lots of side dudes. Guys hitting on me. Am I not attracted anymore? No. I'm sure you're super hot, but, like, it's not, you know, hot psychic energy to just be hang in on some deadbeat Taurus who's, you know, like, no, move on and you're not moving on. That's not cute. Okay. Are we meant to be together? No. Is he even being faithful? Why would you be faithful? You're not his girlfriend. His intentions are there, but he's not acting on it. I don't even know what that means. I have personally not been feeling like myself. That makes a lot of sense when when we are so outwardly focused on other people and we lose sight of ourself when it gets to this point. Right. I don't know about you guys, but like if you've ever been in a situation where you are that hung up on a bad romantic situation that's not moving like you lose, you do lose yourself. I feel like my personality has changed. I'm not as outgoing, friendly or able to make conversation with people. I feel this blackness in my head. I want to engage and be social and make new friends, but I just can't seem to get awkward in conversation. I do engage or I'm misreading people and saying the wrong thing. I do feel in part for so long I don't have that. Okay, then there's all this stuff about friends and yes, friends change. But okay, I'm going to end it there because there's like questions embedded in questions and we only have so much time. And it seems to me like the real question here is this guy. Oh, my God. Okay, honestly, just go. No boy is worth it. Somebody just said that. The chat and I agree. I don't think any human is worth it. But listen, Clarence, okay? Sagittarius, who is so hot and optimistic and used to have so many side dudes and like is feeling like you've lost, you know, you've lost sight of your own path. This is how I shuffle through. I didn't ask, are you meant to be with this guy? Because it just I can't, you know, sometimes I can, but not with this one. It's, you know, when this person is saying no to you and it's been a year like I would be doing you a disservice and also him a disservice by in me as a general reader, a disservice by asking that what I did want to know, and I hope you're interested in this too, is what what does it look like for you to let go of this relationship? And by let go, I don't just mean like accept that you're over romantically. I mean, get the hell away from him. Like, it sounds like he wants his cake and it's a two way he want. He doesn't want to be with you, but you're always together. You're acting like you're together. So what does that mean to me? It probably means that you're, like, just super thoughtful towards him. You're giving him a lot of attention. He's getting like an ego head off of that. He's getting validation. He's getting all that stuff that we get when we know someone's hung up on us. Like some people feed off of that and this guy might be feeding off of it. So what does it look like if you cut him the fuck off? If you're like, you know, no hard feelings, but this is toxic for me. I wish you well. Maybe I'll talk to you in, like, five years. And I mean it like five years. And you know what card? The very first card that came out, if you do this, the universe. Oh, my God. It's the fucking answer to all your problems. I mean, the universe card in the top tarot. It's just. It's destiny, it's gorgeousness. It's like all is right. It's like you've done the right thing with your energy. You've made the right decisions. And there's a beautiful breakthrough. God damn it, you really need this. I really. You know, I'm sure there's more to it. You know, I'm sure there's, you know, there is whatever sort of like, I don't know, psychological issues are up for you. You got into this kind of a situation. But the first step is a massive step, and that's just cutting this guy out. Your next card, Queen of Swords. That's you. Okay. I don't know if you have tarot around you, but if you do, I want you to grab your tarot deck, find that queen of swords, put her out on your altar next to your bed. I don't know, like stick a piece of bubblegum on the back of her and hanger up, you know, on your bathroom mirror where you brush your teeth. The Queen of swords says Now she's like, No, no, no, no, no. She's cutting shit away. She doesn't care if she hurts feelings. She doesn't care if you people don't think she's nice. You know, like once you pull away from this dude, she might, like, all of a sudden be like, Hey, where are you going? You know? But, like, I really hope you don't give him anything, because a year. Come on. No, no, no, no, no, no. Your final card, Ace of Swords. This is a new beginning. For you. And it's a new way of looking at yourself. A new way of understanding yourself, understanding what you deserve. Being clear and conscious about what you want in a relationship. Because I don't think you want to just be hanging around and chasing somebody for a year. I think you probably have a lot more going on than that. So very glad that the tarot backed up my deep my deep and strong feelings about this. But yeah, and I think everything else is going to fall into place. Okay. Once you get rid of this guy, of course you're not connecting with friends or meeting new people. It's like, you know, she is an energetic block and you need to treat him like that. Okay. All right. Yay! Gabby says you've got this, and I believe that you got it, too. Good luck to you. All right. Who do we got in the room with their hand? And we have Rachel. Hi. How's it going?

Querent: I'm good. How are you? I wasn't expecting you to call on me. So I feel like I have a couple of. Questions. Maybe, but maybe just a vibe check. I don't know. I feel like so much is going on right now, Michelle. I have to move in a few months. That's one thing my career feels like. It's totally everywhere. I work in television, in casting. It's a job that I've been trying to leave for a very long time because it's not really fulfillment fulfilling. So I've been trying to get into more of like health coaching and doing like content creation stuff on my Instagram, I even enrolled in like a business coaching program with like a legit business coach, not just some of these like weirdos on online. It's been really helpful, but like there's so many things in life that I just don't know. My relationships are all over the place, like I literally have none. So I feel like I'm in just a big rebuilding space in my life and it's been really like, sad and just overall, like, lonely. And, and so I'm really feeling like I need things to, to start moving so that I can feel like I'm surrounded by people that love and care about me and them. I can actually support myself with a career that I enjoy and like not be scrounging for pennies every month, wondering how I'm going to make money or like why I have no friends or partner. Yeah. So that's my life right now. And I think so maybe if I'm struggling now.

Michelle Tea: I mean, you've just shared your vibe, so I feel like you're checking into your vibe. You sound like you want to change your vibe, right? So and the vibe will change with action, right? So pick one aspect of it. Sounds like there's relationships, there's friendships and there's work. Am I right? Okay. So for like for dating, what's is there like, are you on? God, I'm sorry. I'm going to ask, but I got to because it's 2022. Are you on the godforsaken apps?

Querent: Yeah. I mean, I feel like I'm actually on all of them. And I mean, there was somebody I was into for a while and I was really excited to meet this person. And then it just she flaked. It was just not working out and then it. So I have been trying to date, but nothing's really come forward. I think that I think what I what I would like to focus on is just like, will I be able to actually build a community and and will like this business? And how will that community merge into this new business that I'm creating because I'm working from home now, like in casting and everything. And so it's been harder to build that community because I'm bringing it home all the time.

Michelle Tea: So those that feel a little bit like choose to separate questions. So the first one I'm going to do is, you know, what does community look like for you for like that? The forthcoming like three months. Okay, that's what I'm going to ask. Like, what does community look like for you? And are you like, what are you doing to help stimulate, like, community growth around you? Like, what are you. Oh, looks good.

Oh, my God. Looks really good. Rachel Yeah, but I really hope that, like, you know, a community is not going to crash through your roof. So I hope that you're doing stuff right. I hope you're reaching out to people and being brave and, like, making that first friend move and like, going out to events. Maybe that feels safe, you know, COVID wise to go to the very first car you have here is the six of wands. Okay, it's victory. It's Jupiter in Leo. So Leo seeks attention, right? So if so, and Jupiter gives gifts. Jupiter is really fantastic. So to me that saying if you go out and seek attention and put your energy out into the world, you will be rewarded. You know, it's like Leo seeks attention but also likes to give attention. So it's that sort of beautiful, you know, back and forth. Your next card you have is the two of does change. I like that because you need a change. Right. And it's a positive. Yeah. And it's a part of positive change. It's Jupiter and Capricorn, which is interesting because Capricorn is work. Right. But you have two beautiful Jupiter cards. So it just seems like, yes, get out there and do some stuff you get. The Night of Tops is your final one and he's making an offering, you know. And so I think that like I love hearing you talk about community is really, really meaningful to you. So, you know, when I see this night of cups, he's like the knight in shining armor. He's got wings, he's an angel. He's he's offering this beautiful chalice. It's like, what can you offer to your community? Like, is there something that you can do that you can I don't know, maybe. Maybe what you can offer is just like being somebody who attends things, you know what I mean? That's actually quite crucial. Or maybe it's something a little bigger with a little bit more of a Leo vibe to it. But it looks it looks really, really nice. Now let's see what work looks like. And by work you want to know what it's going to be like for your own work, not casting, but for you to keep doing the work that you're trying to get off the ground for your own self.

Querent: Yeah, yes. Correct. Because I've invested a lot of time in that, like I took off of like looking for any casting work for like a good like eight months just to focus on that. And now I'm like back in the casting grind when I hate it.

Michelle Tea: Oh, wow. Okay, this is really interesting. So I picked three cards for work and I'm the very first one is the ten of cups. So that to me is saying, you know, that eight months that you took off like you did build something, right? It's a ten sweep at the end of something. So something has been accomplished. It's almost like the first cycle, you know, has been accomplished. But now it's getting a little stagnant. It needs something just like an injection or something. And then you get another Leo card, you get the lust card comes next. So it's like, you know, the last card, it's sexy less, but it's really lust for life. It's passion. It's like, here we are on planet Earth. This is our one human life as far as we know. And what are you doing? Like, how can you sink your teeth into this? How can you how can you level it up? How can you become more passionate about it? It's a very passionate card. And then your final card is love. And I mean, that's so excellent that you're getting these passionate, creative love cards for your your business because that's what you want, right? It's like you want something that's not going to stress you out, like casting does. So, you know, I would say, you know, for for relationships. And I think that that's community and romance, you know, I think they're kind of intertwined. Get out there. Don't be shy. Do not be a wallflower. See how you can be of service to the community and like let things change, like do something different. And then through your work, you get to shake it up. There's, there's, there's another level. Like, it's very good what you've done so far, but now it's time to it's almost like to start the whole cycle over again.

Querent: Thank you so much Michelle.

Michelle Tea: Good luck to you we're all rooting for you per ush'.

Querent: Thank you so much. I love your podcast and this whole community. So great.

Michelle Tea: We'll talk to you again. Keep us posted.

Querent: I will. Bye bye.

Michelle Tea: All right. I'm so glad that that was those are some really good cards. And let's see who else is in this room. Victoria, you are now up. Hello?

Querent: Can you hear me?

Michelle Tea: Yes, I can.

Querent: Oh, hello. Thank you for choosing me.

Michelle Tea: Oh, sure. How can the Tarot help you tonight?

Querent: Um, I had one question. It related to career. So right now I am. I work in business. I'm a market research consultant, but I do floral design on the side and. I've worked really, really hard at my current job to get to where I'm at, and I'm kind of faced right now with what do I do with my floral design? How do I balance both? Do I make a leap of just going for it? But that's obviously really scary for me. So I kind of just want to see if you had any if the cards had any guidance. Yeah. Okay.

Michelle Tea: For sure. I mean, I love that you do floral design and I hate that we're all just like serving capitalism, you know? It's like, what if we live in a world where, like, the floral design was like the big job, right? That you're just like, if that was like, everyone was just like, Oh, she's into floral design, you know, instead of like, business, you know? So I feel for you. Let me see. What does it look like for you right now to just really start working towards turning your floral design into a business? So what does it look like for you to start taking those steps really consciously, putting together a business plan? All the scary stuff. All the scary stuff. What does it look like for you to do that? I'm going to pick three cards. And, you know, it's often, if not always with tarot about timing, you know, so it's like, is now the good time for you to make that leap? And now I'm going to do a little compare and contrast. What does it look like for you to stay a little longer at this job that you have worked hard to get where you are with it? And how is it beneficial for you to just chill there for a little longer and like, you know, reap reap those benefits and rewards for that work you've done? Um, let's see. What does that look like for you this day? Okay. Flower store. Oh, and staying. Geez. Okay. First, I just want to say that the flower business looks really, really sweet. Okay. You could. You could start tiptoeing towards it now, if you want. I don't think that's best for you, and I'll get into it. But it's so sweet that I feel like it really is an affirmation that, like, this is a path for you. So maybe, you know, maybe what? Maybe the thing to do now is to actually start putting the plan into gear, but like, I don't know, just letting it marinate for a little longer. Your first card is the ace of cups, and that's beautiful. That's like a new cycle. It's like a new emotional cycle. And it's really speaking to like I mean, do you feel do you feel like flower arranging has an effect on your emotional well-being? Like when you're doing it, do you feel like and do you find flow from it?

Querent: Totally. I like nothing makes me happier and I'm so stressed all the time at my job.

Michelle Tea: Oh, God, I can see that a little bit in your job cards. Yeah, I mean, it looks really beautiful for you. The next card is the Prince of Disks, and he's Taurus. And I just think of Ferdinand the Bull, you know, who's, like, such a Taurus mascot who love to smell the flowers. And, you know, he's very slow and steady. So this is a slow you know, your your path to doing flowers is a little bit slow and a little bit steady. And then your final card is the princess of cups. And she's just like ready to receive, give and receive love and joy and beauty. So, like, this is very pretty for you. I was all ready to be like, yes, you should do it. And then I flip the cards for staying at your job a little longer. The Chariot Lust and the Hanged Man. Oh, my God. Three major Arcana Cards are telling me that it's not quite right for you to leave your work yet. The chariot is saying that, like, there's just still something else you need to accomplish there. The lust card also, like there's something else that you need to, like, sink your teeth into. The hangman is there to let to just really affirm that, like, this isn't super joyful for you. You know, like, the lust card is a very joyful card, but with the hanged man right after it, it's like, not so fast. There's something that's really being sacrificed in order for you to stay in this job. And it's like your dream, right? You're kind of sacrificing your dream, but it is so that, like, you will be in a better position to then go towards the flower work. Can you. Can you imagine why? Like, do you already know why it might be more beneficial for you to wait and stay at this job a little longer?

Querent: The only thing I can think of is just money.

Michelle Tea: Well, that's a lot. You know, I wonder if there isn't, I don't know, somebody around you or if there's some other thing that you can kind of glean from your day job. That will that you can eventually feed into the flour work. I would just say, yeah, it really does. I just think the three of us, we were staring at your job. It does look like maybe we just need to wait for, like, the culture to get a little bit further out of the pandemic. You know, like, I know businesses have gotten hit kind of hard. Like, it could even be something like that. You know, that's just about timing holding kind of situations that we can't really see clearly. But I, I do see that this is this is a path for you that you just need to, like, finish something at this, at this J job. And I'm sorry to say that because I really like telling people to quit their jobs.

Querent: All right. Thank you.

Michelle Tea: Okay. Well, I gotta ask you, Victoria, though, what's your favorite flower?

Querent: My favorite flower is actually sunflower.

Michelle Tea: Oh, I love that. I love that. Okay. Well, thank you. That was a very inspiring little read. Bye bye. Doesn't that just sound dreamy. Just like have your own little flower shop. You know what I love? I love those flower shops that are like kiosks. You know that, like, they roll up and take a little window. I don't know why why flower stands specifically tend to you know are sometimes in those kind of buildings or I don't know structures but they're so cute. I love flowers, too. Okay. Here we have another, you know, question that came into my Instagram again. You can you can you can give me your questions there. Michelleteaz T-E-A-Z, please be warned. I have many scammers impersonating me. I have a blue check by my name now, you guys, I got verified on Instagram, so there's only I only got one account. It's verified. Anyone else who, you know, contacts you saying that they're me? It's not me. Okay. I will never ask you if you want the terror rating. Okay. So anyway, this came in and there's another I'm also seeing like some red flags in this question. I have been in a six year on and off relationship. We basically just decided recently we need to be all in or not all in. So she just moved in with me last week and I'm very worried it wasn't the right move. I love him very much and he's my my best friend. But commitment has always scared me. And I wonder often if being with a partner is the right path for me. There are so many versions of myself I wish to explore and dreams I wish to chase. Now that I'm in the final stages of my healing. In a lot of instances, I see myself doing those alone. I'm very lost at the moment and like there are several paths ahead of me studying abroad, putting time into finishing my book, Living Alone, etc. And this is my time to choose which one to go down. I suffer from bipolar depression, so my emotions, mental health is always up and down, which makes it hard to see my life clearly looking for any guidance. Okay, I have so much empathy for this person because I can really feel that there's a struggle going on here. So, you know, do I need to give my $0.02 before I pull the chair out? Absolutely. You have been with this person for six years. It's really a long time. You guys just decided to be all in or not, so he moved in. So that means you've decided to be all in, right. And you know, that doesn't mean that then all of your ambivalence just goes away, right? It means that in spite of your ambivalence, you go forward with your commitment. So, I mean, I think my my my gut feeling is that this that this current has an avoidant relationship pattern. And if some of you guys know about this, you know, there's like, you know, it's like a psychological thing. It's like avoidant and anxious attachment. Some people have avoidant attachment. And it sounds like that's what's happening here. All of the things that you're saying that you want to do are, you know, for the most part, things you can also do with a partner. And also the idea of saying, like, now is the moment you need to make these choices. It's actually not true. I don't know how old this question is. My gut is to shut out to my avoidant attachment says verb blossom. I'm like, I love you so much, but then. Okay, yeah. Don't you don't you agree? I'd like to know. Don't you also think that this is maybe an avoidant person? You know, I want to say to the parent, this sense of urgency, like it's now or never if you don't do these things now, it's not true. It's absolutely not true. You know, you can do these things alone, partner, now in ten years. So I just want to say that now I am going to pull cards on you because that is what you want there. Blossom, who I just learned is an expert on avoidant attachment, says yes fully L.O.L are questions here is suffering from avoidant attachment so yeah now what does it look like for you Aquarius to accept the fact that you know, I mean, when we partner with somebody I always think about this how like marriage, I know marriage is its own thing, right? And a lot of you can commit without marriage. But just this idea of like marriage has been seen as a sacrament. Right. And that. And you know, what is the root of that? It's sacred. And how do we make it? You know, what is it? It's sacrifice. Right. I mean, that is the sacrifice, sacred sacrament. We are sacrificing all the other possibilities to focus on this person and commit to this path. That is what a committed relationship is. It doesn't mean that like suddenly we have no other desires or curiosities or wants. It means that we're sacrificing them because we want this this thing right with this person. You know, it's just one way to live. I'm not saying it's the best or the worst, but. All right. Let's see, what does it look like if you, you know, recognize that by committing to your partner, you have sort of, you know, agreed to sacrifice some other things for the sake of your relationship. And what does it look like for you to do that? You know, all your hopes and dreams. Absolutely. God, you can do. You can do everything. But you've got to figure out how to do them while in partnership with this person that you've committed to.

Okay. So what does it look like if you take that route that was good for you? Pulling three cards versus what does it look like for you to ask your current long term partner to move out? Because actually it was the wrong decision. Maybe that's your truth. I would really say that, you know, if you're going to do that, are you guys going to break up? You know what I mean? I like that you have a kind of shit or get off the pot, you know, moments and you know, and if it was the wrong decision that was come you, so be it. But you probably need to go your own way. So what does it look like? You go your own way. What does that look like for our avoidance questions? Okay. Sticking it out versus going away. Oh, I knew it. I was right there. We were right. This isn't this isn't avoidance. This is avoidant attachment that is like manifesting in this way. And, you know, that's really hard because if, you know, when these kind of attachment styles just kind of are running rampant, you know, it creates a lot of instability in relationships. Like you feel clearly feel very unstable. I'm sure if your partner has any sense of any intuition at all, probably can feel something's up and it's unstable for them. So here is what it looks like for you to commit and maybe even like deal a little bit with like your attachment style. The very first card is adjustment. Okay. Major Arcana, Libra, harmony, balance, relationship, commitment. It's all of those things also having to like decide like right or wrong, like what's the ethical thing to do. And it's like you've made this commitment. So in a sense it's almost like ethical for you to see it out for a little bit, right? But also, you know, Libra wants harmony and partnership. That's what they want. And they see they know that it's a little bit hard to get. It's not the easiest thing. It's a challenging card, but it's ultimately a really powerful card and it's a good card. Okay, so you got that. Then your next card is the nine of wands and it's called strength. It's Moon in Sagittarius. So you have such a sad vibe to me. I wonder if you have a moon in Sagittarius. I mean, that definitely item in Sagittarius. It does make you want to wander. But you know, this is not about wandering. This is about, you know, staying with your partner. But but still, look at this shining, getting to travel, getting to do the things you want to do, figuring out how to have this strong, passionate, beautiful Luna Sagittarius life while you're with this person and your final card princess of wands, she's gorgeous and she is about conquering fear. So, you know, there's a lot of fear in this question, right? It's like, what are you afraid of? Like what? What are you afraid you won't get to do or be right or experience if you stay in this relationship? What do you fear it means about you? Like, what are all your fears? In this card, we see the princess of wands. She's written down her fears. She's burning them on an altar. I really recommend getting deeper, more deeply in touch with your fears, because they might be kind of ruling the day a little more than you even realize. So, yeah, I love this for you. Now you can split up with your partner. Okay? And here's what you get. You get the nine of swords. It's cruelty. It's Mars and Gemini. It's like, oh, my God, it's like Geminis all over the place. And then here's Mars coming up behind this fragmented energy with a giant motor. So you're all over the place, right? And it is an anxious card. It's very anxious the way that you're feeling right now, like, oh, god, I'm afraid I did the wrong thing. I'm pretty certain that if you broke up with your partner, it would also be like, Oh shit, I did the wrong thing. But maybe, you know, and a little bit more heart pretty way because you don't have your partner, right? The next one card is the two of disks, Jupiter and Capricorn. It's change, right? So okay, there you've made a big change. And, you know, you're hoping. But that's a complicated card. I mean, it's. Jupiter. So it's like, okay, that's good. But Capricorn is like, Oh, I don't know that I wanted this change, you know, it's generally a good card, but it is flanked by these really rough cards. So I feel like it's really highlighting the shadow side of it. Your final card is the five of swords defeat. It sucks, right? It's again, it's I think it's another Gemini card. Venus and Gemini. It's like Gemini is the idea of Gemini. It's taking in so many different consciousnesses. And that's just hard, man. It really is. And that's why I love Gemini. I think that they struggle a lot with trying to just, I don't know, like metabolize so much, so much different energy. And it's almost like that's what's happening with you. Like you've got so many, like you're allowing yourself to just be in your head with all these different scenarios, freaking yourself out. But it looks like if you do actually break up with your boyfriend, you're going to regret it. So I say stick it out, deal with your fears, maybe go to therapy. I think you should go to therapy. You might not want to. I see that you don't want to, but you're like, Whatever, bitch. I've already been healing. I've gone to therapy, I've got a diagnosis. I understand. But this is for something a little different. I don't know if you want to look into just these attachment styles. I think it might be helpful for you. Okay. Good luck to you. I really want you to have, you know, all the studying abroad, you know, all the adventures and all the good, you know, stable love that you can get, have all the things. Okay, I know it's not easy. You know it's not easy, but I think, you know, you get a try. All right. Who's up here now? Bita, you are on. Hello.

Querent: Hi, Michelle. How are you?

Michelle Tea: I'm good. How are you?

Querent: I'm decent. Okay. So basically. Huge thing. I just came back from, like a month abroad in Europe, which is why I haven't been here.

Michelle Tea: Okay, well welcome back.

Querent: Thank you. And basically, this whole month. I spent the whole time, like, you know, kind of working on myself, working on how my feelings are and stuff because I'm bad with feelings. And I came back and it just. All like re blocked, right? And I've got like a bunch of relationships that are pending and stuff and I'm just very confused. So if you could just give me a vibe, check world feelings or something that would be great.

Michelle Tea: Around your feelings. So you want a vibe check around your sort of your emotional sphere. Yes. Like what, what, what's your emotions looking like right now? Okay. We can totally do that. Let's see, what is the emotional vibe? Okay. How interesting. Okay. The very first card that came out is the star card. That is a beautiful card. You know, starting this whole question, saying that, you know, you were off really working on yourself. Like the star is like us at our best, right? It's us, you know, having almost like a radical, a radically positive vision and not being afraid to go for it. Right. Like wishing on a star, believing we can make our dreams come true. So, you know, it's interesting. Like, I like the shadow side of the star card. Since you are struggling, I want to think about what the shadow side is. Is sort of aiming a little too high, having expectations that were maybe a little too pie in the sky, like perhaps it was not. Even though, like Can I see, your sign.

Querent: Yeah. I'm a Cancer sun, Aquarius mmoon and Cancer Rising.

Michelle Tea: Okay. The Stars. Aquarius. And so that shadow side of the star and of the Aquarius cards usually come out when somebody has Aquarius in them. So it's very interesting. But, you know, the idea that you when you're away from, you know, your triggers or whatever and you're able you have the luxury of spending so much time just like healing and working on yourself. Of course, it's going to be a lot easier than when you come back and then it's like, it's showtime, you know what I mean? It's like now you're actually on stage having to, like, really enact and embody what you learned. And of course, it's going to be bumpy. So, you know, the star card, I think, is there to affirm that like you're on the right track, the healing work, the focus, aiming high. It's it was all very good for you and it's still good for you. But you also have to understand that you're not going to be able to stay in that place forever. Your next card is it's a cancer card. Actually, it's moon and cancer. It's the four of cups and it's called luxury. So it's just, you know, it's an interesting card. It's mostly good, but there's just a little instability. You know, it's like you just don't know what's going to happen. But cops are very pretty, but the water is choppy. So it's sort of like, you know, a sense of like wanting, you know, maybe wanting to control everything, like really wanting to make sure that, like, you are able to kind of embody all of the healing work that you've done and like be your best selves. But realistically, like sometimes your cups are going to get knocked over, you know, like sometimes you're going to be imperfect and it's probably really good for you to allow yourself to be imperfect. Your final card is the ten of cups. So that's really interesting. You know, that card came up earlier tonight and when that card comes up, it's like pat yourself. First of all, just pat yourself on the back. You hit a ten, you hit an emotional ten. You've completed a cycle of emotional growth. So that's really important. But the things that were helpful for you when you were abroad aren't necessarily helpful for you here. You need to start over. It's not that that's wasted work. Of course not. Right. You carry that inside yourself. But there's almost like a new cycle of healing, growth, self-care, whatever, you know, whatever it meant for you, you need to kind of start it over again so that you're still it's not becoming stagnant or something that you did in another place. But it's, you know, you can be alive in your personal growth, like here with your feet on the ground. Does that make sense?

Querent: Yeah, it really does, actually. It just got to figure out what's my next move, right?

Michelle Tea: Right. Do you have any ideas? Are you torn between, like, move A and move B?

Querent: Oh, Lord, not at all. I'm really just like, just just go in right now.

Michelle Tea: Okay. Well, you know, that's not bad. That's not bad. To just go more will be revealed. And if you find yourself torn between some difference, I don't know, most of moving forward, just, you know, come back with the cards on it.

Querent: Yes. All right. Thank you so much.

Michelle Tea: You're welcome. And welcome back.

Querent: Thank you.

Michelle Tea: Welcome to everybody who's new and everybody who's returning. I love you guys. All of you. We do this every Thursday. Six on the West Coast, nine on the East Coast. If you want to listen to back episodes, just hop over to Spotify. Search for my really fun podcast. Podcast, your magic and back episodes of Ask the Tarot will be in that feed and also if you want to, just if you wish. This chat never ended. I have great news for you. We have a Discord Channel. It's the Your Magic Discord Channel. And you can go over there and hang out and always be in the virtual cult. Felicia, you are up.

Querent: Great. How are you doing?

Michelle Tea: I'm good. How are you?

Querent: Good. I'm a little bit nervous. I mean, so I have a relationship question. My husband and I have been together for 17 years and okay, we've had a lot of ups and downs. And most recently, I last year decided to leave for a short time and had. But then I also decided to come back because I went through a lot of stuff and I kind of felt like I died a death in that time and had some revelations and I decided to return with no expectations, just to hopefully follow my heart and keep my family together. So yeah, that's pretty much what happened. And now we are currently in therapy, which I think has been great. I highly recommend.

Michelle Tea: Yeah, you should pat yourselves on the back for going with therapy. A lot of couples won't do it and so that's like really beautiful that you guys did that are doing that.

Querent: Yeah. And the biggest thing that has changed is that I feel that he's willing and open to to just trying to commit to that commitment. And we all we both grew up with trauma and different forms of abuse. So and we were together at a young age. So anyway, that's we've had some troubles on and off again. But at the same time, he's my best friend, so. But then there's some times that I just feel like, are we compatible? Is this sustainable? Even after therapy? And, you know, when we have some of our downs, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. So I kind of switch back and forth between feeling like I made the right decision and not and I'm trying to be committed. I guess I feel like I've put in a lot of work over the years and without any reciprocation. And so now I feel like I've changed a lot and now I just am at a point where of course I do want it to work, but I am wondering like, am I hitting my head against a wall? Am I not seeing something that I need to see, you know?

Michelle Tea: All right. So what I want to do is I'm going to ask, you know, what is it look like for you to stick this out? You know, to like to just try to not to let go of this, like questioning of yourself and just sort of accept, like, okay, I came back, we're in therapy and I'm just going to I'm going to stick with this. What does that look like for you to adopt that attitude of optimism and trust and intense intention, you know, just to stay? So I'm going to pick those cards. Now I'm gonna ask, what does it look like for you to, you know, draw back, you know, and just say, like, okay, this isn't maybe enough. Like maybe there's too much water under the bridge. Maybe your trust is damaged and it's too, too much to, you know, imagine rebuilding it, whatever, whatever it is that makes you feel like you're hitting your head against a wall. What does it look like for you to pull back away from the relationship? Okay.

Querent: So, so for first staying let me see and going, oh.

Michelle Tea: You know, honestly, they both look kind of hard and how could it be any other way, right? So I'll give you the flavors of difficulty and hopefully that will mean something to you. So the four staying the first this is interesting, the first card that you have is called completion, but it's a 4 to 4 of wands. So, you know, the minor arcana runs one through ten. So you're not the end of a cycle here. It's not like, Oh, you've completed the cycle, Tara It's it's more like you've just built a new foundation. A new foundation is being built so that I really like that, right? It's Venus and Aries. Venus is, of course, the planet of love, and Aries is. There's two things about Aries. It's going for it, right? So you're just you guys are going for it, like with this therapy and like you coming back. And it's also, you know, Aries is very famously self focused and that's good, you know, because like you guys have to figure out how to get your needs met in this relationship, right? So I think this is actually a really nice card. The next card is the ace of cups, a new beginning. Right. So, you know, one more thing about that completion card. There's a lot more work ahead right? There it is. It's a four. But it is saying that, you know, you should be really proud of the foundation that has been laid so far. It's definitely a pat on the back moment. And and then. Yes, ace of cups, a new emotional beginning, new emotional possibilities. So I like that idea. That's really beautiful. But then you get this other card here you have the five of swords, which is defeat. Okay. Does this mean that at the end of it all, there's defeat? I don't think so. I think that mixed into all of this will be moments where you feel defeated, because I don't think whatever these things are that are working against you and working against your connection, they're not going to go away right away. Right. So, you know, the ace of cups contains all possibilities. So it can has the possibility for understanding if we're really seeing each other and growth. It also contains the possibility for disappointment and heartache and sorrow. Right. So it looks like you'll get a little bit of both of those things, right? The problem with the defeat card is when it comes up, we feel defeated, right? So that's you banging your head against the wall, being like, fuck, you know, I thought this was going to be different and here I am again. But that is possibly the problem. Like the real issue of why the defeat card sucks is that, you know, the thing happens in the world and then we write a story about it. We write a story and it's like, he's never going to change. I'm always going to be doing this. This feels so familiar. This is just like how it was in my family. You know, whatever your stories are, it's not that they're not valid, but it's like, are they helpful? You know, are those stories really helping you? You know, if you just want to think about the being in the moment, right, which is like every so many spiritual, you know, practices, really urge us to try to figure out how to be in the moment when that's happening. We're not in the moment. We're not just like looking at this person in real time and being like, what just happened to him? What's happening to me? We're like, we're in the past, you know, we're in like we're children, you know? So it's like you really want to think about that. And is there a way that when you feel defeated, you can stay in the present with that defeat and not, you know, what's that word? There's like some sort of like self-help word, globalizing, you know, what a globalizing. But what does it look like for you to leave? Okay. Because that's totally an option. The very first card you have is the eight of swords, which is called interference. It's Jupiter and Gemini. You know, I see that as there's two different reads on that. One, it might. I mean, I don't know why it would seem impossible to you to leave because you have left before. So, you know, you know, you can do it again. Right. But there's something maybe a feeling that you can't, you know, maybe it's because you came back and it makes you feel crazy to think like, I'm going, I'm coming, I'm going. But, you know, it looks like there is it's going to be very hard for you to leave. But if you do leave, you have the ten of disks. And I don't think you'll come back this time if you leave. It is the end of a cycle, of an earth cycle. It's called. Well, you know, there is a lot out for you there in the world. Right. I think that there will be some pain from that interference card, for sure. But I also think that there is a there's something about shaking loose and becoming free and liberating yourself that's going to feel really lovely. And then you get the adjustment card, which came up earlier also. Right? It's a form of the justice card and it's about like getting your own balance back. I mean, if you're finding yourself with your partner that you're constantly thrown off balance by the dynamics in the way you guys interact and like the negative dynamics. This will be a way for you having lefts to to really restabilize yourself and and, you know, be kind of at the mercy of your own, your own ups and downs, not, you know, your own ups and downs and somebody else's ups and downs. And there's really something to be said for the amount of harmony and balance that you can bring into your life by leaving. So I'm sorry that it's not more like black and white, like leaving good, staying bad. It looks like they both have value. And I'm sorry we can't live, you know, a lot more lives and have a lot more experiences.

Querent: Yeah, I appreciate the reading it. Definitely with the staying. Definitely everything you said completely resonates and it is different that it does feel different this time and it just feels as if, like you said, the new foundation, like we've never done therapy where both of us were on board. I felt like it was always me and yeah it was made a mockery of from his that and you know and we do have children together and we have we do have a deep connection in ways and it's not all bad. It's just I think sometimes you have to. We didn't realize we were working out our trauma on each other, I think, over the years. And then now here we are becoming conscious of these things and trying not to and trying to fulfill ourselves and not just look for happiness within each other or fulfillment within each other. And so I think that's kind of the part where it's it's the hard part, the defeat. We're going to go through the defeat of, you know, just having to do those hard things together because this is the path we chose.

Michelle Tea: Well, I wish you so much luck. I wish you both so much luck. You know, together, together, apart, however, however it shakes out.

Querent: Thank you so much. I appreciate the clarity. Thank you. Have a good one.

Michelle Tea: You too. God, we're all just, like, working on our trauma on each other. Like, the best we can hope for is to become conscious of it. Right, and do something differently. All right, you guys, this is such a confusing message that came in. I want you guys to help me hold my hand through this. There's a lot, you know. Well, part of the problem is, instead of using names, the person. And used initials. And it always kind of confuses me. So I'm going to just name these people, okay? And let's just hope that I'm not accidentally by some like freaks freak occurrence, naming them their actual names. Wouldn't that be terrible? Okay, here we go. I am curious about my recent close friend and her intentions with me. A little back story. Roberta is best friends with my fiance's ex-girlfriend, Nellie. Roberta had been hiding our very close friendship from Nellie for over a year because she was too afraid to confront Nellie. Nellie is an aggressively controlling Fire sign, Sag, and Roberta is a passive loving air sign. Libra. So Roberta had a hard time giving Nellie bad news. Before I asked Roberta to be in my lineup. I asked her to be honest about me because I don't want to be her mistress bestie anymore. Oh, my God. You guys are mistress, bestie and bestie on the down low. Oh, my God. So she said she did, but I haven't seen a difference in her behavior. Did I make a mistake asking Roberta to be in my line up because she's a fake friend? Or is she just avoiding conflict at my expense? My fiance. I never wanted to marry Nellie when they were together, but she wanted to marry him. She cheated. He left. I feel that Nellie blames me, that they didn't get back together. She has moved on though, and is engaged now to someone else, but still harbors this something towards me, I think.

I mean, you don't know, right? We don't know what Nellie's really thinking. I mean, you know, the new partners of your exes are always weird. It's always awkward, right? So it might just be basic awkwardness. I just want to put that in there. Okay. Here we go. My future sister in law. Okay, you get that? Who actually kicked my fiance and I out of her wedding, uninvited us, and then put Nellie and her line up. Different story, different day. Oh, my God. There is so much drama. Oh, my God. Okay. Said that Nellie was shocked. We got engaged. Who fucking cares? Look, here's what he thinks, okay? So. So does she have a vendetta against me, or is it just my anxiety? Who cares? Maybe she wants to kill you. Maybe she is like. Maybe she falls asleep at night thinking of, like, bottling you with, like, a beer bottle on the back of the head. Who cares? Does it matter? I mean, I guess it matters a little bit because you're a few. Because your future sister in law clearly sucks like that person sucks so hard. These people are shitty. I say say no to shitty people. You don't even interact with that. Say no to some people anyway. Okay. Could Roberta possibly be in on it or talking bad about me to Nellie in some way and my perspective of our relationship is skewed. How? I mean, listen, a Libra likes to gossip. They do. They don't mean anything by it. Don't necessarily, right. They're not like out to, you know, turn anyone against anyone. They just they just like to talk and they are passive and conflict averse. Right. So if Nellie is like, I hate that girl who's marrying my ex, you know, I like I'm actually, you know, I don't know, writing a song about how much I hate her and what's a terrible thing to do. I don't even know. You know, Roberta would at least be like, yeah, right. That's what the Libra would do. Yeah. Okay, I'm an Earth sign Virgo and my fiance is a fire sign Aries. Okay, Virgo, you're better than this. You're better than this. Okay, so really, we don't care. I'm going to say we don't care about Nellie. You know, Nellie. Nellie can just, like, think that you're shitty. Like, just let Nellie think that you suck, you know? And you can think that Nellie sucks, but I wouldn't put too much energy into it in either direction. Roberta who was just initial R, okay, let's see. What's Roberta's vibe. We need a vibe check on R. What's, what's her vibe, you know? Is she, is she just a little passive, you know, you know, now maybe she's even like, maybe she even, like, you know, rustles up all of her all of her, you know, metal and says "I like her" you know, when Nellie's talking shit about you, if Nellie ever even talks about you, because maybe Nellie's just like, go get married. I don't care. Oh, okay. Let's see what  Berta, show us your true colors Libra.

All right. You know, this is what my friend Lisa Stardust. She's an astrologer. She calls this tarot spying. We're doing a little bit of tarot spying. I, you know, I because. But I feel like it's okay because it's okay to ask the tarot, like, what is this person's intention towards me? So the first thing that comes up is the ace of Swords. Libra is an air sign. The Ace of Swords is air and it is a double edged sword. And I think that we're recognizing that about the Libra nature. Right. There's a little bit of a double edged sword, like they like harmony, but sometimes they like harmony to such an extent that they will not, you know, tell somebody to shut up. That needs to be told to shut up. Right. So so we see that. Then we see the prince of discourse. And interestingly, it's a Taurus card. Right. Also ruled by Venus, much the way that Libra is. You know what to make of that? I don't know. Like, a little bit. I mean, Tauruses are very ethical, and they're kind of tried and true, I think. True blue people. But your next card here is interference. Right. There is an interference card again that Jupiter and Gemini. So, you know, I don't I don't want to tell you to, you know, have a friend break up with Roberta because that just feels like so much more drama. You know, here's here's something. I'm going to do this. Okay. Yes. I if I'm listening to the tarot, the tarot is telling me that Roberta probably does allow shit talking about you to occur. She's not going to be a person. She's not like you're ride or die. I got your back. Don't worry about it, friend. That's just not her way. Okay. What does it look like for you to rise above this petty ass bullshit? Okay. I hear that you've got some anxiety. This is just the kind of shit that can really trigger anxiety, right? What, does it just rise above you now and just. I don't know, put, like, pay it now. Am I right? Long live the Marsha P Johnson. The P is pay it. No mind. So if you just have no mind, move on. You got your man, you're getting married. You get a lot of positive things to think about. You don't need to be thinking about all this other shit. Okay. Yeah. Listen, this is. This could be a turning point for you. This dumb ass drama could be a turning point for you if you let it be. I mean, most things can be transformative, right? If we if we want them to be. Three cards came up. First one. The two of cups, love. Okay. You have a love in your heart. Maybe you can just think about these bickering, petty little people as, like, little kids that, like, just don't know any better. You know what I mean? Instead of making them into these, like, big, bad people who are a threat to you, they're really not a threat to you. So if there's a way that you can just sort of, like, wish them well and, you know, turn your focus back to the love in your life. You have so much love in your life, you're getting married. So now the next card is the A on. This is the new beginning. You can step through and just like a whole new way of thinking about this shit. You know, like, if you don't want to be friends with Roberta, don't be friends with Roberta. You don't have to be right. If you just feel uncomfortable, that's enough reason you don't need to hang out with someone who makes you uncomfortable. Don't hang out with her. You know, I think that that's absolutely fine. And now the ten of swords is your final card, which is to me saying like, yes, this is this has been a shitty situation that has been growing for you. And I think that by cutting Roberta loose and just moving away from this with love in your heart, like you can heal from it and you can just maybe learn something about like these type of dynamics so that you don't have them in your life again. Oh, God. Did that even make any sense, you guys? I don't know. I don't know. We wish you luck. We hope that you have a lovely wedding. And. Yeah, that's. That's all I have to say about that. You guys, we've reached the end of Ask the Tarot. Thank you all so much for coming, for participating, for making such a completely poppin off chat. Always. Thank you. Bring that energy to the discord. I will be here again next Thursday night. Six on the West Coast. Nine on the East Coast. Come. Bring your problems. Thank you for trusting me with them. Can you message them to me on Instagram? I will never ask you for reading. Don't get scammed and. Oh yeah. Happy Pride Month. Right. Okay. I got to tell you guys, I'm queer all year round, but I do like being a little extra queer in June, right? Don't we all? Okay. I love you guys. Have a good night.

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Michelle Tea: Hi, friends. Remember to catch ask the Tarot live right here on Spotify every Thursday at 9 p.m. Eastern. You can join me for a journey through the cycles of life, love, aspiration all in real time. Want me to do a reading for you? Just download the Spotify Live app for free today it's available in the App store and you can join me every week I go live. You'll be able to meet really unique people, chat with other listeners and even ask questions of your own. Remember, you can always listen to ask the tarot live on Spotify every Thursday at 9 p.m. eastern. Want to be part of the conversation? Download the Spotify Live app for free today and make sure to follow the Ask the Tarot show page to be notified every time we go live.

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