Eileen Myles: If I Could Get on a Spaceship Today I Would
Author Eileen Myles is working to protect the natural beauty of New York City, but they may be destined for somewhere beyond the Earth. In this episode, we get into long-term pet relationships, the story of a lost matriarchy, and their life as a nomadic Sagittarius. Michelle Tea reminds us of the grounding effects of breathwork before Deanna a.k.a. Luna Dee gives us a meditative guide to picking the right crystal for you.
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Eileen Myles: I mean, I think it was probably trauma, but in my family I grew up wanting to go to outer space. You know, I wanted to go to other planets. I wanted to leave this Earth, and I still would. I mean, if I could get on a spaceship today, I would do it. But what I've, you know, what I've discovered in my adult life, traveling mainly as a poet to these other locations. That's how I'm enacting that desire to leave the planet. You know that the planet holds all these other places. You know, it holds all these. That's why, you know, the Southwest seems like to go to white sands on a full moon is to be on another planet.
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Vera Blossom: Hello and welcome to Your Magic! I’m Vera Blossom, producer here on the show – but don’t worry I’m handing the reins back Michelle in just a second. She’s still living it up on her honeymoon so I’m doing the intro this week. On today’s episode, Michelle’s talking to the prolific author and completely Sagitarrean Eileen Myles. They talk about the geological awe that is the Southwest desert which was once submerged under the sea, feeling connections to the land, and finding anchors in your pets. Then, crystal healer Deanna tells us how to use our psychic intuition to pick the perfect crystal. Stay with us.
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Michelle Tea: I am coming to you right now fresh from a fifteen-minute meditation that wound up sending me a bit into the energized yet trancy state I usually found myself in after a breathwork session. Meditation and breathwork are really different to me; meditation feels grounding and calming, and it allows me to deeper understand the nature of my busy mind. Or, not to get too weird, ‘Michelle Tea's busy mind. During meditation I am often reminded that though I live my life as this human entity called Michelle Tea, and I’m composed of all her experiences and memories, the pressures and joys of the life she and her choices; there is actually another presence inside me. This consciousness that’s deeper, beneath my chatty mind. This reminder is one of the huge benefits of meditation, for me.
Now breathwork is a much more psychedelic experience. Lying down, often covered in crystals, I rhythmically breathe until my body begins to vibrate and my mind begins to soar. As my breathing continues, the sensations accelerate; sometimes my lips and my legs go sort of numb, my hands cramp in a way that scared me when I first started doing this practice. I cry. I know this does not sound appealing, but the impression that something deeply significant is occurring is overwhelming, and so I stay with it. The thoughts that invade my mind during a meditation session, which feel like idle chatter pumped out by my monkey mind, in breathwork it seems simple and profound. I’m often shook with an understanding that I am a being of love and that love is all that really matters. I’m filled with forgiveness for all the ex’s that have hurt me and feel an urgent need to connect with them from this place of rare love that transcends the more transactional love of romantic relationships, you know, the conditions that need to be in place to make a relationship work for any of us. I don’t think about that during these moments. This is Goddexx love or something. Once, in a breathwork session, I clearly felt a hand, warm, placed over my heart chakra. I’d thought it was the woman leading the session, but in fact she had not touched me.
I’m often gripped with the need to write what I’m experiencing while in the breathwork state, which is why I grabbed my computer the second the bell on my phone dinged, signaling the end of the meditation on my app. The meditation was guided, and I’d been instructed to label my thoughts as they burst in my mind; I mostly had planning thoughts, or analyzing. I was analyzing my experience and planning this essay! Having been told to root through my feet into earth like a tree, I thought of the two trees outside my home: a date palm in my front yard that is tremendously tall and houses squirrels who feast on the bright orange fruit, and the large Camphor Tree - the type of tree Totoro lives in fyi! - on the corner. Once, in a state of nearly psychedelic grief from my divorce, I sat on my porch smoking late at night, and the tree was backlit by streetlights, edged in radiance against the night sky, and it looked so majestic I knew it was somehow helping me.
These tree thoughts and breathing thoughts brought me to think about how trees are the earth’s lungs, and how we need them. How so many humans take their own lungs for granted - I know I do, enjoying the occasional cigarette that sometimes becomes more than occasional, as addictive substances are wont to do. Recently I gave my mother around the clock care as her own lifetime smoking addiction left her on oxygen, unable to even brush her hair without becoming winded. She is totally recovered from this flare-up, but she does have an ongoing lung problem, and that crisis prompted her to stop cigarettes. She hasn’t smoked since October. Since her own mother smoked while she was in the womb, this is the first time my mom has been without nicotine in almost 71-years, and I’m so proud of her.
It’s a witchy aphorism that the micro contains the macro, and vice-versa; you know, as above, so below, and all that. The trees are our lungs, so can we regard our lungs as trees, supporting life, something to be tended to? This loop of thought brought me to think of today’s guest Eileen Myles, a poet whose work and person has been so profoundly important to me. I thought of their work to save New York City’s East River Park and the thousand trees that live there, and the work of so many earth activists to preserve trees from the carelessness of misguided progress and capitalism.
I’m delighted that the little pact I made with myself to carve out a scant fifteen minutes for meditation has led me to feeling so mystically connected to my own body and the earth beyond. We don’t do these practices for nothing, we do them because they really can show us a way to a more meaningful and true life, one that prizes love and connection, synchronicity and action, a reminder that, as cheesy as the old new age chestnut may be, we really are spiritual beings having a human experience. Here’s Eileen Myles.
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Michelle Tea: Eileen Myles, welcome to Your Magic. Thank you so much for being a guest.
Eileen Myles: Hey, Michelle, I'm so happy to be here.
Michelle Tea: Yeah, you're one of my favorite people in the whole world, you’re one of my favorite writers in the whole world. This is very exciting. And also, I feel like this is so perfect because I feel like you… You are a very mystical, spiritual person. Do you feel like this is true?
Eileen Myles: Yeah. And it kind of centaur kind of way I think. I don’t know I mean, it's very Sag, I mean I just sort of having a sort of half animal, half intellectual person. I feel like and I feel like trying to get those two parts together feels like my spiritual struggle and being in nature and being in books and ideas and kind of making all those things. The interface, I think, is the spiritual part.
Michelle Tea: You've thought so much about animals and about dogs, and you've written your dog's memoir. And I never connected that to your centaurian Sagittarian-ness. But I'm wondering about the spirituality of the like, of the connection with the animals in your life.
Eileen Myles: It's just again the way that an animal is just they're in the room and they remind you of your animal. You know, I mean, it's sort of like they're an echo of the interior all the time and their needs, their needs heightened my needs or remind me of my needs. You know, it's like the dog gets me up. I mean, I'm just in the park every morning with the dog, you know, and it's just like, I just get out of the mental space of my apartment, my concerns, my, you know? I'm working on a book that's about love, but and for a long time, I would say, “Oh, that was, you know, the era of, you know, like Elizabethan, you know, you would that your lover would be your queen and the era will be that lover”. And suddenly, I thought, “Oh no, what about these two long dog marriages?” Oh, it's like the long relationships in my life have been Rosie and Honey. You know, I'm in the ninth year of a relationship or the fifth year, you know? And the other dog was a, you know, it's like, these are the constants: the animal love. You know, and I don't know why I feel this is sort of shameless and kind of exuberant about these loves now, you know, because they're really they're really deep and steady.
Michelle Tea: How long have you lived in New York now? I mean, you've lived in New York, New York is your home.
Eileen Myles: I mean, I'm 74. So I don't even know what. Forty seven. We're pushing 50 in New York.
Michelle Tea: Your relationship.
Eileen Myles: Exactly another locally.
Michelle Tea: Another love affair. And I mean, you're so, you're so linked with New York in your writing. But then in more recent years, you've lived in Marfa, Texas, and I'm wondering, like, how you know, do you feel like there's like a spiritual connection that you have to the landscape of New York and the people and places? And then is it different in Marfa?
Eileen Myles: Well, I think originally Marfa was very exciting. I mean, the southwest in general, because it's not my landscape. It's not the landscape I come from. It's not the landscape I live in. So it has nothing to do with me. And there's something about that as as a kind of palette that is inexhaustible. You know, it's sort of like it just is so open to me and my animal and I can think new things and and I write new things indeed you know? And so it's very it's very it's very exciting. I love it. And it's not it's not the sea, it's the mountains. So in a way, people say this all the time. It's it's under the sea. You know, there used to be an ocean there. You know, it's like we're talking about deep, long old geological time, which I find I've been thinking about too. I've been thinking about the past anthropologically in terms of gender even and and and humans and what has happened in the past five thousand years, 10000 years and then thinking about Stone moving slowly. But I mean, it's great. It's like evidence has been they have now, thanks to the genome, we have discovered that there really was a matriarchy 5000 years ago because they've they've found it's so crazy, like there was an archeologist or an anthropologist, Marija Gimbutas, a Lithuanian woman who was saying in the 70s that that there was a matriarchy five thousand years ago. And feminists got crazy about it, very excited. ‘Cause she was using myths and artifacts and she was like, “Look”, and then and then all the guys came forward and said “Nah not true, not true” and stuff. And she's dead now, but she's like, very important. But now the genome scientists have found a giant rape event 5000 years ago in old Europe about a masculine, dominant hordes coming into Europe and totally replacing the genome. Something happened and all but the kind of structures that are so mysterious to us like Stonehenge were from the other time. So we don't know what they mean because those meanings were erased.
Michelle Tea: You are blowing my mind right now. So hard, you’re blowing my mind right now.
Eileen Myles: Yeah, yeah. It’s so weird because everything I read keeps following into it. It's very strange, you know?
Michelle Tea: Do you find that like when you get into some, when you get into sort of a track of like like an intellectual track, then like the universe sort of conspires and keeps bringing you more information?
Eileen Myles: It's it's I know thinking is geological, too. I think you start making these shapes and then it almost like, yeah, the shapes are attractive and they just they're like bowls of knowledge.
Michelle Tea: Did you feel connected to the nature of New England when you lived there and when you were growing up?
Eileen Myles: Yeah! And I still do, I still do. When I'm when I'm there, there's like a sweetness and a wetness and I kind of… It just holds stories.
Michelle Tea: I feel very detached from nature but then every now and then I feel blindsided by it.
Eileen Myles: I mean the piece of nature, I have to say, I'm probably closest to though is trees. And that's why, you know, lately I've been obsessed in New York City with the destruction of East River Park, which is a beautiful old 50-acre park along the river. You know, that is open to the people and has been there since 1939 and the city wants to destroy it. But what they're going to destroy is 991 trees.
Michelle Tea: Oh my God!
Eileen Myles: It's insane. There's a cemetery. One of the oldest cemeteries in New York is out my window, which means that there are trees out there. So I weirdly, I've just, you know, it's not that I've grown up in the country in my life, but even in Arlington, you know, in Massachusetts, we had a chestnut tree out the window. It's just like trees always felt like the companion to my human life, too. And they’re really–I read a really great book lately by this woman about speaking to the trees. You know, learning to speak to the trees. It's like a druidical book about this, you know, like kind of woman who come from that came from this really messed up British family. But she had Irish in-laws and they they left her with the family and they taught her the old ways, the old Druidical ways. And it's so, it's so great.
Michelle Tea: You are Irish and Polish. Do you feel like a mystical or spiritual connection to to that to those land, to those landscapes or to that part of you?
Eileen Myles: Oh Yeah. I mean, it's just like our yeah, our our–the Irish, the Irishness, for sure. I mean, I think it is that that tree. I mean, the the runes the Irish alphabet are based on trees. The letters, the very letters of the language are are mean are have tree meanings. You know, it's crazy, you know, and it's like and those were the the poets and you know the people. You know like, Ireland again. All the, you know, Scotland, they’re all covered with these ancient mounds, and cairns, and stone structures, you know. They were part of this crazy nature religion. You know and I so I feel like everything I’m excited about today is attached to that ancient past. It’s buried but not gone.
Michelle Tea: You really embody that Sagittarians like desire to travel and to to move about like you've been to so many places, I feel like every time I like reconnect with you, you've been to like Palestine or Iceland or, you know, you spent time in Russia, like it's not just going back and forth across the U.S. or popping over to Europe, but you've really you've really gone to so many different places. And I'm just wondering if there's like a spiritual connect to that.
Eileen Myles: Well, I think I grew up, I mean, I think it was probably trauma, but in my family I grew up wanting to go to outer space. You know, I wanted to go to other planets. I wanted to leave this Earth, and I still would. I mean, if I could get on a spaceship today, I would do it.
But what I've you know what I've discovered in my adult life, traveling mainly as a poet to these other locations. That's how I'm enacting that desire to leave the planet. You know that the planet holds all these other places. You know, it holds all these. That's why, you know, the Southwest seems like to go to white sands and on a full moon is to be on another planet. You know what I mean? To go to Iceland, which is the youngest part of this planet, is to be someplace else. You know, it's sort of like this planet is a multiple, you know, and it speaks to other places in the galaxy and the universe. And so I feel like I probably won't get off this planet in that way that I imagined. But I think this planet is so full of crevices and and magical places.
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Eileen Myles: It's so great that I'm going to pull a tarot card or cards with you today because I feel like there are ways in which I feel stuck with my current projects, and I'm dying to find out if, if the voices or the powers of your cards can tell me what to do.
Michelle Tea: Yeah let's let's do it. What are you thinking? You know, so you're working on a new is it the love project that you want to or what other stuff do you have going on?
Eileen Myles: It actually is the park. You know, I mentioned this park that I'm trying to save, and yet it just it's so weighty. You know, it's sort of like I'm working with small groups and larger groups, and there's been conflicts in the group and and we're pushing against the machinery of the city and the city of New York is a complete, corrupt machine, you know, because we're talking about real estate and big money and stuff. And so it's in a way. So I don't know, it feels a little bit. I don't feel I want to be doing something more than waiting for the end I wanted. We'd like to change the narrative, you know, so I just basically want to know how should I proceed in relationship to this labor? You know, should I keep pushing? Should I step aside?
Michelle Tea: OK, so the first one I'm going to pull on is what does it look like if you keep pushing forward, if you just stay, you know, as full steam ahead as you've been and you've been so passionate about it. How does it look for you to just continue just going full steam as you have been? So I'll pick three cards on that option. And now what does it look like for you to take a step back because you have done so much you've done, you've put so much of your energy in it and you know, the park has its own energy.What does it look like for you to, you know, maybe not even forever, but just for now, take a step away from it so that you can focus your energy on other stuff.
For you know, sticking with the way you've been doing it. Oh, that looks. We've got three court cards, which is always a little bit confounding when it's all court cards, but I think it's definitely speaking to the fact that there are so many other people involved in this and there's some sort of dealing with others, you know, so. So that is true. But also, I really do like to look at the court cards as energy. So the first one is like, OK, this Prince of Swords, he's on a chariot. But his chariot is not really moving forward, and it's because these little fairies that are pulling it, they just aren't big and strong enough. And he's recognizing this. He's recognizing like this. These guys just aren't working. He has his sword drawn. He's going to cut the reins. He's going to figure out a different way. So it's really interesting. So it seems like for you to keep at it at this energy level, something needs to shift. Like there's something. It's like having to really look at, like what's not working for you, you know, you know, what's not working for you personally? What's not working for the park? You know, like what? What is it? And then your next card to me suggests that it might be hard to figure that out at first because it's the Queen of Cups and then the Queen of Cups in this deck, in the Crowley deck. Look, you can't even see her face. It's like obscured with steam. And so steam is a metaphor for like emotional thoughts, right? Because it's like water is emotion. And then it takes to the air, which is the intellect. So it's sort of like, it's just this confusion of emotions and and, you know, thought and it's just going to be hard to figure out, Well, what what should we change? What should I change? Like, what's the I? What's the we like? Do we all need to change? Is it just me? But you do come out the other side of it with this Prince of Wands. He is pure Leo energy. He's great. He's like, works really well with your Sag energy. It's just sort of like love, sex, creativity, play, nature, passion, So in one way, it could just be about figuring out like, what re-inspires you to go is to keep going as hard so you don't burn out. It could also be about like who you're teaming up with, like if you're teaming up with people who are sapping your energy a little bit. Is there somebody that you can team up with who has more fire in their belly? That could also be helpful? Now for stepping away, let's compare and contrast stepping away. Oh my god. You have to step away. You got big cards for stepping away, but it looks like it's very complicated for you to step away. The first card that comes up for that is the Devil. So, oh my god, the devil right. Now the Devil is so interesting. He means so many different things, right? He is positive and negative, you know? So on the one hand, he is the in his temptation also. So it's like, you know, you've pledged yourself to this incredibly noble and important cause, you know, and it's like you seem to be the person involved in this that maybe has the most media attention, like you're the most public facing person. That's a lot of pressure. So to to be tempted to step out of that role must seem like, Oh, is the Devil then going to step in? Is your void going to be filled then by the capitalist, the developers like, are you capitulating to them? But you know, the Devil is also, I feel like the Devil also comes up when we're being tempted to do something that's like, very selfish but necessary. You know where we we have to almost be the bad guy in a way. You know, the Devil is about its Capricorn, which is so career, right? It's about in. It's Aries, which is about the self. So, you know, one of the one of the metaphors for this card in one of my books is like the artist who like the male artist who locks himself in the attic and because he's like, so inspired and his family is downstairs starving and he's just like, Sorry, dudes, I got to get this painting out, you know? So it's like, it's about having to be true to your own creative direction at the expense sometimes of something else. But can you accept that? And you know, this is really determined like, you know, the the nuance is determined by the other cards. And so your other cards here, your next one is Completion Four of Wands. Yeah. And it's another Aries card. It's Venus in Aries. So this is really interesting. It's, you know, the way the tarot goes from one to one to nine, you know, one to 10 rather, it's, you know, a 10 is really completion and this is only a four. But it's saying that although this is the beginning of a larger plot process, something has been achieved. Something important has been created. So I feel like you have, you know, in the terms of if we're looking at you stepping away from from this activism, your participation has brought it to a certain place that it has legs. It really is. It's a real worthy cause. It is something it's not just a couple of people writing letters to the editor like it's a thing, it's an entity and and it exists. And so like, you helped bring it there and it still has, you know, the problem's not solved. It has a long way still to go. But the fact that it has legs and that you helped it get those legs is really important, you know? And so, you know, I think this card is coming up to say, like, you know, it wasn't for nothing like your you going so hard actually really made a difference. And if if, if that was your contribution, maybe that's OK. And we got another Aries card here. So again, it's like, what about you and all of this? What are your needs in all of this, you know, as well as the needs of the city, and the park, and your your comrades and stuff. But the card that's really saying that like, yeah, you need to step back is your final card. It's the Universe.
It's the biggest card in the deck. It's about destiny. It's always a yes. It's like I'm getting chills. I always get chills when when this comes up, because it's like such a strong, it's such a strong recommendation. So it's basically like, Yeah, this is, you know, this is all destiny stuff too. You know, it's like your destiny is tied up in the destiny of New York City, of course, right? And your destiny is tied up in the destiny of this park in some way. And it was your destiny to come to the aid of this park in this land and these trees. And you did. And. Stepping back isn't a complete detachment, but you know, whatever that looks like for you, it's like you need to. You need to now maybe leave the city and go back to the southwest and focus on, you know, completing your book. It's like, Yeah, you do need to do that because that's your destiny also, you know, to also be be tied up in the destiny of this other landscape. And of course, your writing is your is your primary destiny in this life. And who's to say that like you won't be a bigger help to this cause after you do this work? You know, when you're rejuvenated, if you know if and when you have a new book out, you know, and being able to like how every time a new book comes out, you know, you make the rounds of like talking about stuff and you're like elevated in the culture for a moment, and that could be very helpful. So, yeah, I think it's saying, really, yeah, you should definitely step back.
Eileen Myles:Wow.
Michelle Tea: I know. It's really interesting. The tarot sometimes they have like when especially I especially lean on this when when the cards can be confusing, like if you're doing this versus that and if the cards are kind of confusing, they do have different weight, you know what I mean? And it's like major arcana. They're the weightiest, because they talk more about destiny and our larger our higher paths in this world. Whereas, you know, the minor arcana are talking more about our daily lives and stuff. And what has the least amount of weight are the are the court cards. And so it's just again interesting that for staying on and being, you know, going as hard for the park as you have been to continue that.
Eileen Myles: Right.
Michelle Tea: It's like.
Eileen Myles: Nah.
Michelle Tea: No, and then and then for like taking that step back so you can regroup, refuel, focus on yourself, focus on your creative work to get these two very powerful major arcana as I mean, the Devil is so powerful, you know, and when he, you know, he's so tricky, but when he's in your, when he's on your side, when he's in your corner, it's so much power, so much energy. And I really feel like he is in your power. He has in your corner in this reading. He's not a warning. He's like, “Yeah, be the Devil you re the Devil you want to see in the world”, you know?
Eileen Myles: Thank you, Michelle. That's that's wow.
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Luna Dee: Hi my name is Deanna , I am an Energy Healer and bruja. Here is my guide on how to pick a crystal intuitively.
This guide is for you whether it's your first time picking out a crystal or, like me, adding another crystal to your already large crystal collection. You can never have too many crystals.
You first want to set an intention as to what type of energy you need in this moment. You can write it out, speak it, meditate on it, etc. For example, if you're looking to bring more self love energy into your life, you can say "I seek self love, to learn to love myself unconditionally, free of judgement. I intend to love myself to the fullest. I ask that I am guided to a crystal that is meant for me to aid in this intention of self love all in my highest good, and so it is." Be very specific when setting your intentions.
Second, look up different vendors or metaphysical shops that sells crystals. Listen to your intuition for this, listen to which vendor/shop you feel more attracted to. You’ll feel it in your gut. Once, you find your place and it's time to go & pick out your crystals. you will need to listen to your intuition (that gut feeling, again) and allow it to take you to your new stone. You want to walk around, taking your time scanning each crystal, placing your hand over the crystals, picking up crystals (it is not only okay to pick up them up before you buy, it is actually important to do so when picking out a crystal for yourself). You may feel a pulse, tug, or magnetic sensation. Listen to which crystal is calling you, which one caught your eye, or the one you can't stop thinking of. Most importantly: you will just know this is the stone for you.
Bonus:
Once you have the stone picked out its important to "program " your stone. Here’s how to do that:
• First, cleanse the stone with either with sound/Smudge/selenite plate/ etc.
• Meditate and reset your clear intentions
• Speak your intentions into the crystal
• Then, use the crystal in a ritual or carry it with you daily
Remember it is also important to charge your crystals every so often. There are many different ways to charge crystals such as:
• leaving under a moon phase
• leaving them under sunlight for 10 to 15 min max
• using a Selenite plate
• or with sound. You can look up how to do this and so many other ways to charge a crystal online.
Great starter crystals are black tourmaline, amethyst, rose quartz, clear quartz, selenite.
Remember crystals are only here to aid not, to replace medical/mental/physical care. Always do research on your crystals. And every person practices differently so do what feels right for you.
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Vera Blossom: Thank you Deana or that meditative guide on picking a crystal. Whether you’re a fledgling witch seeking your first implement or a veteran rock collector looking for the newest addition to your horde - I think this guide will be helpful in overcoming that buyer’s indecision. You can find more of Deana at lunadeeguide on instagram - luna d e e g u i d e. This spell and Michelle’s conversation with Eileen reminds me that we can find the answer to what we’re looking for if we just take a minute to stop and be in tune with ourselves and our surroundings. We hope that this episode helped inspire you to make new connections with your surroundings, to meditate and reflect, and at the very least, kept you company for the last half hour.
Thanks for tuning into Your Magic. You can support us — plus get access to a whole bunch of bonus content at patreon.com/thisisyourmagic. Every dollar makes our work possible. So throw us a buck or two. Make sure you follow us on Twitter and Instagram @thisisyourmagic, subscribe to our newsletter at thisisyourmagic.com, and subscribe to us right here on Spotify. Do what you need to do to never miss an episode. If you want to give us a five star rating, that would be amazing. And also you can email us at hello@thisisyourmagic.com, we would love to hear from you.
This episode was produced and edited by Molly Elizalde, Tony Gannon, and me, Vera Blossom. Our executive producers are Ben Cooley, Michelle Tea, and Molly Elizalde. We had production support from Kirsten Osei-Bonsu. Our original theme music is by John Kimbrough.
Thanks for listening!