Ask the Tarot: How Do I Find Myself Again?

This is a recording of our Spotify Live show from April 7, 2022. Tune in on Spotify every Thursday at 6 PM PT/9 PM ET to catch Michelle Tea’s tarot readings. Or listen on the Spotify Live app where you can join the chat — you’ll even have a chance to ask the tarot what’s on your mind.

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This transcript is AI-generated and may not be 100% perfect.

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Michelle Tea: Hey, everyone. So thank you so much for tuning in. I'm wondering, did you know that you can now join Ask the Tarot every Thursday at nine p.m. Eastern Live on Spotify? That's right, line. But we all know the best part of Tarot isn't just listening, it's getting your own cards right. Have a question about your future or your past, maybe about your love, life, or your career? I want to hear from you. All you have to do is download the Spotify Live app in your App Store or click the link in our episode descriptions to sign up for free, then follow Ask the Tarot in the Spotify Live app to get notified every time I go live and hear what the Tarot has in store. Why miss out on that?

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Michelle Tea: Hey, you guys, hello. Welcome to another evening of Ask the Tarot. This is Michelle Tea, your host. I'm coming to you live from Madrid, Spain. Oh my God, you guys, it's three o'clock in the morning here. This is so wild. I've just been up. Well, I was out all day in Madrid, which is absolutely beautiful and full of Spaniards. It's just fantastic. And you know, I went to a cemetery and I walked around and looked at like these beautiful old crumbling graves. What else did I do today? I went on one of those goofy tours that are like, you know. Like, I feel like every single city in the world now has, like all the spooky things that have happened, you know, on a tour in a city and you go on the tour and they just tell you. So we had this guy who was like dressed up in like with like shabby period costume talking very dramatically. But it was amazing because he was gay. So it was it was definitely like a very queeny, extra theatrical, which I really enjoyed. Anyway, enough about my honeymoon. You guys, thank you for being here. Like I said, it's 3:00 in the morning, so this is extra special for me. It'll be extra special for all of us. Listen, here's what you do if you want me to pull cards for you. You can raise your hand and I will play cards for you. Hello to everyone that's new. I mean, hello to everybody. And a special hello to everybody who's new. This is how you do it. You just raise your hand and I'll get to who I can get to. There's another way you can find me on Instagram. I'm @michelleteaz, it's T-E-A-Z, and you can write your question there and I'll read it anonymously another night and pull cards for you. But listen, I get to tell you guys again. I can't say it enough. I have so many scammers on Instagram right now. There are so many fake Michelle Tea accounts, and these terrible people will contact you using language that I would never use. But you don't necessarily know that, right? I mean, we're just internet friends, so you know, they'll be like, Oh, spirit wants me to pull cards for you, and then they'll try to hustle you out of some money. I'll never do that. You guys will never contact you and ask if you want a tarot reading. If you want a tarot reading, you can contact me or you can come right here to Ask The Tarot and raise your hand. If you like this show and you want to listen to back episodes, it's very easy. You can just go to Spotify, you can download... Sorry. See, this is what I'm talking about 2:00 in the morning. You can go to Spotify, you can search for Your Magic. That's my podcast, which you also might like, and all the back episodes will be there so you can listen to them. But let's go. Let's just start pulling some cards right now, OK? Samantha, Samantha, I see that that happened to you, and I'm really sorry, but I'm really psyched that you didn't fall for it. Tell your friends it breaks my heart when people fall for it because these people are so like ruthless, they'll try to pump you for information about, like sad things that have happened to you and then use that to manipulate you into giving them money. It's so awful. It's like one of the worst, one of the worst scams. I really think it is.

OK, so let's help this person who needs some help. "My husband lost his job. We sold our condo and I'm starting a journey in earning a career certificate for UX design." I just have to say you guys are really like everything is a journey now. We're all on so many multiple journeys all day, every day. Let's see more about this person's journey. "My questions are will my husband find a job or get a job that his friend is working on getting him within her firm as an associate assistant." Okay. "Should we move to the neighborhood in Chicago called Lakeview or the suburb I work in Evanston?" This is a Chicago querant. "And finally, is this career change for me good? Or should I stick to being a mailman?" God way to bury the lead. I didn't know you were a mailman. That just seems so great.

OK, so listen, I picked a bunch of cards about all of these questions. I got some answers, but I do really want to just give this part a little bit of love because it really is clear with all the cards coming up that this is this like husband losing the job thing, having to sell the condo. It's been really hugely like uprooting and destabilizing and stressful. OK, so so all the love at you for dealing with that. Here's the situation as far as your husband finding a job just like on his own, it doesn't look good. And here's why he got three cards. It started out looking pretty good. Wheel of Fortune, you're like, Oh, excellent. Then Knight of Staves. Oh, by the way, you guys in this deck that I'm using, it's the alchemical tarot. So the suits are a little different, called the Knight of Staves. It's the Knight of Wands and then the Tower. What this looks like to me is that like your husband is like so stressed out and he's freaking out, and he's just like jumping on a job without really thinking about it. And it's like, not necessarily a good job. He's not, you know, if he's just goes out and looks for things randomly, that's what that looks like because you see the Wheel of Fortune, you're like, okay, something good happens. But the Knight of Wand is so impulsive, right? He's just he's just like. Acting without any forethought or strategy or anything, and then that leads to the Tower like, ugh, you know. And so I think this is like I'm seeing this is more of the sort of fallout from them having lost his job. And it's sort of like the behavior of a person who's freaking out. So as far as him getting a job with this with his friend, the assistant job, that actually looks good. There might be some sort of interesting choice he's called to make around it. The Lovers part is there, but you know, the Lovers card, as I talk about a lot, it's not always it all about Lovers. It's very often about having to make a choice that feels like a really big deal choice. So, you know, I see that it's like he might have to really commit to something with this job, and you might not feel super certain about it, but it looks good and sturdy for him. The next one, the next card that comes after the Lovers, is the 10 of Staves, which is good in this deck. You know, sometimes that's a bad part in this part. It's literally the Phoenix from the flames. There's like a bonfire. This Big Red Bird is like flying out of it, and that's your husband. He's like, he's back in the game, you know, like you can just like, let all of the stress and, you know, the lack of confidence, all the things that happen when you get when you lose a job like let those all burn off. And then the final, the other final card is the 10 of Cups. So two 10s there and the ten of cups. It's actually the 10 of vessels in this. And it's this really the illustrations. So interesting. It's it's this wild like a bunch of different like alchemical know cooking vessels. It's like from a mad scientist medieval laboratory. It's actually really beautiful. But the whole point of it is that everything is is working, everything's going smoothly. All things are operating. So it looks like you might have to really commit to that job or maybe commit to waiting for it, you know? And but if he does, it looks really, really good. Now, where are you guys going to live? Okay? Lakeview, don't move to Lakeview. Queen of Coins. Maybe there's something there that's like, it's really affordable or you get a really good deal, but then you have the eight of swords, which in this deck isn't that great. It's like you're kind of trying to keep it together. You know, it's like you can keep it together, but there's a little bit of an effort there and then the death part. So, no, I don't like that. I don't like that combo. And all of I see that you've been listening to the back episodes. I'm so glad I love when people listen to the back episodes. OK, now listen, I know that that was some bad bad news about moving to Lakeview, but Evanston looks amazing, the Hierophant. I love the Hierophant for a move. It's the big Major Arcana tourist card. It's super stable. It's very wise. It's like all of the sort of characteristics you want around a home and then you know where you got the 8 of Swords with the other option this one, you get the 4 of Swords, and I love the four swords in this deck. It's like this woman. She's sort of meditating like in a ditch or something. It looks like it looks very pretty. It's a pretty ditch. So very calming, very nice. And then the Emperor like fantastic for you, I think maybe really good for your husband to just with that, that dude energy there with the emperor. Now your career is very interesting, just like your design career versus your mailman career. I'm so–I love that you're a mailman. You kind of can't do any wrong, like it looks really great for you to to do to get this career, to get this certificate. I think that you should do it no matter what. The first card that came up is the Empress and she's so wonderful. You know, I just did a workshop on the Empress and then really, really got just like, what a completely supportive yes card this is. It's like you should absolutely do it. When the empress pops up, then you get the 2 of Swords. Okay, so you're little like, you know, you want it. You can probably feel on some level that you're drawn to this. You can feel that it's a good idea for you, but you're still not totally there. You also have the Lady of Staves, and that is a sort of like a page card. She's not a queen. I think she is this the page of this, this particular project? And so I'm wondering if there's just something funny for you about being a student again, you know, being in that situation and having having to be in that kind of a dynamic might make you feel a little uncomfortable, but I think it will be good for you. However, was really good for you being a mailman. It's really good for you. I can tell that it doesn't feel very good right now, OK? You have the very first card that comes up is the 8 of Staves 8 of Wands. And in this card, it's like this guy. There's all these staves  and they're on fire and a guy is sort of chopping some of them down. So, you know, it's sort of it's a little bit of a stressful card. You're like, maybe there's too much fire. What's that? What's going on here? But it's also like, you have resources, too. You can kind of take that energy and turn it around, right? So it's like the the the the flaming wands look a little bit out of control, but he's going to chop them down and use them for wood. So it is about getting a handle on the situation. So I'm getting a sense that you can really get a handle on whatever is stressing you out, maybe about the job. And I wonder if maybe in general, I'm getting a little bit of a feeling that like, you know, there's a lot going on. The husband lost the job, Hondo went for sale. There might be this sort of like frenzy to fix everything, and sometimes frenzy energy doesn't isn't really helpful. That doesn't have a lot of clarity. So. So I don't know. I think there might be a way that you staying a mailman might be really great for you and for your family like you and your for your relationship because your next card is the 4 of Wands, another wands card? And then this one, it's very romantic. It's like two romantic people like clutching each other and like touching their noses and gazing at each other romantically while the flames burn romantically in the background. So that's really positive. But guess what? Your last card for being a mailman is the world's Oh my god. So yes, I mean, is it your destiny to be a mailman? Yeah, it is like forever. Maybe not. Maybe you're going to slowly ease out of it and do more design work if that's what your passion is. But it looks like for right now, maybe, you know, since it is a moment when there's so much going on, so much change is happening. It doesn't sound like this change that you're wanting. It's actually really great for you to stick with your mailman job, but also push your comfort levels and take those classes and be a student again. Okay, now I'm going to. Yes, I do. Thanks for explaining how this all works. I see you doing that data and I hope our God. I hope I'm not. Obviously, one of those is not the right way to say it. So sorry for that. I'm just going to put these cards back and then I'm going to call on somebody in the room and we're going to pull some tarot cards. OK, let's see who's up here. And for the rest of the readings, I'm going to use the top deck, OK, like I always do. So, Shobana!

Querent: So yeah, I'm actually really excited that you picked me. I didn't expect, but I have a question that's been on my mind for a while now, and I'm from Serbia originally, but I have been in the U.S. for almost nine years now and my so I've always had visas and just statuses, but like nothing permanent and that's just been something that's just weighing on my mind, like year after year. I just don't know what to do. So I'm right now. I want to ask the company that I work for and have worked for for almost a year now. If they can help me sponsor my my green card, which is like a permanent residency and I'm kind of terrified. I don't know if I should go ahead and ask them or if I should pursue maybe leaving the country and going somewhere else.

Michelle Tea: Okay, let's see what it looks like. I'm shuffling right now. And what does it look like for you to ask if they will help you in this way? You've worked here for a year. That's pretty. Substantial, you know, what is it that you're so terrified about, what is there something bad that could happen as a result of you asking, Do you feel?

Querent: No, I just. If they say, no, I don't know what else to do, I guess. Yeah, it's like a part of it. I mean, I I can continue renewing my my work permit. I just I kind of want a permanent solution. At the same time, I don't want them to oh, I don't know, maybe look at me differently or something like that. So I would just want to make sure that, you know why? Well, I guess that's the right choice for me.

Michelle Tea: OK, that makes sense. OK, so I'm picking. I did three pulls for you, one for like is now the time for you to make this ask of your employer? Right? The second one is like, what if you wait and ask later? It's a timing thing because sometimes things are just timing. And then the third is you are living elsewhere looking for another place to live. So let's see what we've got here. Oh my gosh, it looks good for you to ask. Oh yeah, and it looks really good for you to ask. For asking, asking them the first card you have is the 9 of Discs, which is called gain, and it's just about increasing your material resources, which in your stability and your security. So and it's also like a finances and work like all the things that are ruled by the coins. It's our it's our home, it's our job, it's where we live. I mean, it's everything you're talking about. So I really love this. It's a big yes card. It's really positive. And then the card on the other side of it is the success card. It's another just card as a 6 of Discs. So this looks really good as far as like, you know, these are cards that are about success in material things, things that bring you stability and security, which this obviously would. And then the card in the middle is the Knight of Wands. And it's so funny. You know, the person I just read for got the Knight of Wands, and it was sort of like a warning card. But for you, I think this is really good energy, the whole idea with the Knight of Wands. He's neutral, right? He's just he's a lot of intense energy is very spontaneous. And what I'm getting because I can tell from everything you've said that you're so hesitant to ask, it feels very vulnerable. You have a lot of concerns that the Knight of Wands is there just to push you. It's giving you that energy that you need to just like, do it just like jump in and take that chance and hope for the best. You know, putting it off until later doesn't look as good. Honestly, if you put it off until later, it looks like it doesn't. I think I think it still might go well for you, but not nowhere near as well. And as far as looking for a new place to live, no, you got leaving the country. I mean, it's like the tower card, the utility card and the lust card. I mean, the last part is really great to me. I'm just I take that to mean like, you know, you will get through everything because you've got a lust for life and you've got like a big, you know, big heart energy. But you know that just saying, no, that's not your path. It seems like your path really clearly is to to ask your work to sponsor you.

Querent: Oh, my god, thank you so much. That actually means a lot. Thank you so much.

Michelle Tea: You're so welcome. I hope it goes so smoothly, and I hope you just get all of the support that you deserve from everybody.

Querent: Yeah, thank you. I mean this this has been on my mind forever, and I just I it would mean so much to me if they can help me. So thank you so much for clearing.

Michelle Tea: You're so welcome. Good luck to you. Please let us know how it goes.

Querent: I will thank you.

Michelle Tea: You're welcome. Oh my God, that was that gave me feeling, Oh my God, it's like, So what a huge thing to have to ask for. But my goodness, people just should want to support folks who are needing help like that. So. All right, I'm going to see I'm looking at the at the chat here, and I see that I have new listeners who found out about this from from the swap we did with the Morbid podcast. I want to welcome you guys. I love Morbid swear to God. I was like listening to Morbid with my husband, just like an hour ago while we were like packing up all of our things because we're going to Barcelona tomorrow. I love those women so much. They're so excellent and they're such great storytellers. So welcome everybody. I'm so happy that you guys are here. Here is A. An email that came in, not an email and Instagram, I realized you guys that I'm like an old woman who just calls like all electronic communications emails. You know what I mean, whether it's like a DM on Instagram or like a Facebook message, they're all emails. But none of them are emails. OK, here we go.

Oh, this is a this is like this is a kind of a heavy one. "I completely lost my path years ago after spending years under my toxic parents. I finally got the courage to move to a different state. I thought this was my chance to find myself again. It's been seven months and I'm more lost now than I've ever been. I used to be a talented writer." And then she apologizes for the lack of punctuation and grammatical mistakes. Girl, don't worry about it. I'm a writer too, and all I do is fuck up punctuation and have terrible grammar. That doesn't. That doesn't count. That's why we have editors and like spell check. Don't worry about it. But anyway, going on with our parents, she's had a creative block for almost a decade. "I also was going to school, but stopped when I started questioning my academic path. I know I want to help people, but in what capacity? I've changed my mind so many times. I've even stopped listening to myself. My love life or lack thereof is a mess too. Surprise, surprise. I haven't been intimate in years. None of my exes match my energy, making me miserable, and the relationships are short lived. Then I met F and wow, we instantly connected. Our energies are like, boom. The only problem I can't figure out left or right. If he's into me or just likes me. I can't ask him because he's unbelievably introverted and shy. But everyone at work, thinks we're dating because of how we are together. It's like madness. I've consulted my own tarot cards and even they are exasperated by me and in a way have blocked me. I'm hoping you can shed a little light on my life. Tell me what to do to get back on track. Am I wasting my time with F? I feel like a once wild canary trapped in a cage and placed in front of a window to the outside world. I want my happiness and love back.".

She's a Scorpio. You guys, a 28 year old Scorpio. My goodness. Little Scorpio. You're feeling. You're feeling the pain of life so acutely right now. Listen, you're not. You're not damning for my advice. You're damning for the tarot's advice, and I promise you will get it. But I have to give you my own advice because I'm just picking up so much reading this. I'm so sorry that you have toxic parents, and congratulations for getting the fuck away from them into a different state. It's so important. But here is the thing. It's like if you grow up in a toxic household and escape. It's not like all of a sudden you're like, Oh, phew, I'm fine now. No, no. Sometimes it actually gets worse because then you're just like, you're sitting with yourself and you're feeling all of the trauma like that sort of lodged in your body and in your mind. And because you're not sort of fending off the the act of toxicity, it's almost like this. You have the space to actually feel the damage that's there, right? So there's so many things you can do. You can go to therapy. You can go to Al-Anon, like you might be depressed, like, you know, there's there's a lot going on here. So I just want to really encourage you to do things, to do things, to take care of yourself in the wake of whatever it is you experienced from your family. OK? All right. And don't think that like F is going to solve that problem for you because F is not going to solve that problem for you. You might be a really great distraction from the problem as the Taurus. Oh, lovely Taurus would be such such a wonderful distraction. But whether or not F is  like your soul mate, you're still going to have to figure this. This sort of post toxic parents problem out here. So, OK, hold on. I need a sip of a beautiful Catalan, bubbly water after after that little lecture. Hold on. OK, so let me see what's the deal with that? That's the first thing that I know you want to know about. So Connor says Taurus is the way to go, and I've got to say I agree. I agree. My husband is a Taurus. They're the best. They're the best ones. But is this your Taurus? Is this Taurus right for this Scorpio? You know, Joe has never met a Taurus that she didn't like. Oh my god, it's a Taurus love fest. Gab has got a Tauris boyfriend. They are all the rage. OK. The only thing better than a Taurus boyfriend, in my opinion, is Taurus husband. OK, let's see what this is like. Oh this looks good. This looks good with the Taurus. It's really funny.

The very the very first card that came up is the Knight of Discs, which is a Taurus, right? He's like, "Hm, I feel like somebody's calling upon me." He's just standing there being wonderful, just being chill. Like radiating light. Taking his time, you know? And I think there's an extra message in this too that like, you know, if this, if this is your person, you don't need to rush it and get frenzied. You can take your time because if this is your person. He's not going anywhere. You know, also try to remember that you also the next card is the nine of wands, which is strength. It's a moon in Sagittarius. Have fun. I mean, the Moon and Sagittarius is so fun. The strength card is great. It's really just about having, like a lot of life in you. It looks like there's a lot of energy. Like you said, you guys are like magnets like, I really could see that in a moon in Sagittarius cards. And then the final one is Ace of Swords. You know, it's funny. It's of swords isn't like super romantic, but it is about like a new beginning, a new connection. It sounds like, you know, you guys have a really strong connection. You say your energies are like, boom, you know, even though these aren't, you know, you're not getting any cups or, you know, any like overtly love romance cards. I'm still reading this as a positive because when I do these kind of three card pulls, you know, what I'm looking for is like really negative cards to say. Like, No, this isn't, you know, don't put your romantic energy here. It's not going to work out for you. But this looks really solid and sweet and new, and I like it for you. And now, what about your other stuff? Tell me what to do to get back on track. Okay, I kind of already did, but let's see what the tarot. Oh, and as far as your writing goes. Writer's block, what do I want to say about writer's block? Listen, it is paralyzing to think about all the different things in the world a person can write about, right? You could just sit there and think about it and never do anything. Also writing is really painful because you are alone with your brain and you can look at everything that's coming out of you and you can judge it harshly and make yourself feel bad. And then you stop. You don't want to do it anymore. So this is what I think you should do. Just pick something and frickin write it. It's not going to feel good. If it's going to feel hard, you're going to look at it and go, I don't like that this is stupid and dumb. Guess what? Just keep doing anyway. Give yourself permission to finish one stupid, dumb, terrible piece of writing. Then you can go back and you can clean it up and you can make it beautiful. OK? There's that. There's really like no other way. There's no like magic way out of writer's block. It's just a state of mind and you have to sort of like, you have to get over on it. So that's what I say you should do. OK, now I'm going to pick some cards, though, to get you some more information here about like what you should do with your life back on track with all the things you're struggling with. OK. Oh wow. You've got three major arcana cards. That's really a big deal. You know, the tarot. I feel like you guys are a lot of you guys with tarot experts, but there's going to be a couple tarot beginners out there. So I just want to let you guys know Major Arcana are all those like archetypes. The Sun, the Moon, the star, the lovers and the minor arcana are all of the, you know, they're kind of like playing cards, right? Like six of the seven of that. So the major arcana cards carry more weight in a sense. And so when you get a lot of those in a reading, it's usually very significant. So you just got the. Boom, boom, boom, you know, major arcana cards. The first one is the priestess. OK, so you know, what do you how can you get your life on track? The priestess, I feel like in our world today is so much about self-knowledge, self understanding. I feel like she very much you got. I just wanna say you got the Priestess and the Hierophant right next to each other. If this isn't telling you to go back to school and go to therapy, I don't know what is. But listen, you also got the Moon card. So I think the larger message here is the priestess is saying you have to sort out your psyche. Your psyche needs some help. You've got to sort it out. However, you decide to do that right. But your psyche needs some help and need some assistance. The Hierophant is a really great–I mean, he really does rule school in a way. He's also the Taurus card. So OK. You know, I did have my little speech about how, you know, F isn't going to solve all your problems. But listen, having a supportive and wonderful person in your life does make life better. So, you know, I think that maybe he is somebody who can be supportive to you as you do this work that you need to do, right? The hurricane also represents school in a way, so you know you were questioning your academic... You know that might not be right for you. Maybe you are right. I just picked the ruin card for academics, for you, so never mind. I think the hierophant is really more about like grounding into your life and wisdom like like really getting a deeper understanding of the effects that your house had on you. Growing up right? And then you get the Moon card. It's not going to be easy, OK? You know, when the Moon card comes out, we have a lot of emotion. We have we can't see things super clearly. It's like somebody turn the lights out and we can be really fearful. And have some anxiety, so like, be very kind to yourself. Like you probably, you know, coming coming away from your family, healing from your family while you're in this state of really active healing you're going to feel bad sometimes, right? You're going to feel freaked out. You know, if you have if you're prone to anxiety, you're going to feel anxious. If you're prone to depression, you're going to feel depressed. But there's help there for you. You got to find your priests and find your hierophant. I do want to say that you might benefit from taking a writing workshop, the hierophant really does represent education. So I don't think like, you know, going back to school in a major way is the right thing right now. But I just pick the emperor for you taking a writing class that might be really great. So I wish you so much luck.

Holly, I'm seeing you saying that app is a little glitchy tonight, huh? I really hope that it does. I hope it resolves, you know. OK, let's see who is here in the room. I can't. It's so weird, you guys, to look at my phone and have it say, 3:30. I'm like, That feels so bizarre. OK, let's see who is here to talk, Olive you are up.

Querent: Hi! I knew you were going to call me somehow. Hi, so nice to be here. Well. OK. What is my question? So, um. So two related questions. I just begin on a very deep and challenging healing and transformation journey for quite some time. And I guess I'm wondering if the tarot could give some insight about the approach I'm taking and if there is any shift that needs to be made or if I'm just on the right track.

Michelle Tea: Okay.

Querent: That's the first question. And the second is I'm just wondering as I continue to do this work, if there are any positive things that I can look forward to in the next few years to kind of keep me motivated and just kind of get some spiritual cheerleading.

Michelle Tea: OK, so the first OK. OK, that's great. Let me I'm reading right now for like just some energy for what's coming down the path for you as a result of the healing work you're doing. OK, let's see. So, OK, I'm picking three cards for that, and while you were speaking, I pitched three cards for some illumination around the healing modality that you selected. Oh, it looks great for you. It looks really good. So the three cards I put three cards. The first one is the four of wands and I'm reading with the top deck. It's called completion. And when this card comes up, you know it's a four. It's not the end of the suit, it's not a 10. So, you know, it's funny that it's called completion, but what it means is that, you know, it comes up when we started down a path and we're really rolling and we really hit a milestone and it's like, OK, this is definitely what I'm doing, you know? So it's a very positive card. It means that you know what you're doing has legs. It's working. Excuse me, so I love that for you, the next one is the six of discs coming up again, the success part, I mean, you can't get a better, more blatant like it's a success, it's actually helping you. And you know, in a really in a way, you can probably that somehow tangible. I mean, healing the whole idea of healing can be so intangible sometimes. But my guess is that this is something I don't know if it's somatic or it's engaging your body in some way, but there's something about it that it feels it feels tangible that you can really tell that it's helping you. And then your final part is the ayon. And that's a huge part. It's a major arcana. It's unique to the Crawley decks and the top deck and decks that have, you know, modeled themselves off of this. But it's sort of like it's about having a whole new era start for yourself in a smaller way. When the aces come up, it always feels like it's a new cycle is beginning for people. This is the idea of a new cycle on a massive, on a massive level. It's like you are starting a new a new era for yourself, a new time period, you're walking through a door and there's a deeper story in it. You know, the illustration the art is of an old pharaoh whose time is done and there's this little baby and he's going to be the new God, the new pharaoh. And he's just a baby. How's he going to do it? It doesn't matter. It's his destiny. So this card comes up sometimes when we've just walked through a door into a new life and we kind of don't. We don't know that we've done the right thing. We can't tell for sure if if we're going to be able to handle it. We don't necessarily have a lot of faith in ourselves. But it comes up to tell us that like, it's your destiny, you're going to grow into this. It's absolutely what you're supposed to be doing. It's also a risk on the judgment card. So it's really it's a really great moment for you to look at your past and be like, I don't want to take that with me into the future. I do want to take that with me into the future. It's a really great, great moment for that kind of analysis, which it sounds like you are already doing anyway. But but yeah, just to know that that's really significant, those kind of those kind of thoughts. Now what's coming up for you? Oh, my goodness, it's just so nice. OK, so the cards that are illustrating what what is what's waiting for you down the line as a result of this healing journey that you're on. The very first card that comes up is another six. You got the six of discs. Now you have the six of cups, the six in the minor are kind of the tarot. They're always beautiful. It's the sphere of beauty and perfection. We love the 6s. The six of cups in this deck is called pleasure, and there's something about this work that's allowing you to access more joy. It's going to allow you to be in your body. It might be allowing you to, like, experience your body in a sexual way or in a way that gives yourself pleasure, like with food. You know, I've no idea what what your issues are that you're working on, but–.

Querent: All of those things.

Michelle Tea: Love it! Well, this is this is definitely a friend for you. This card is really beautiful. It's Sun in Scorpio. And it's like, yes, just like passion, just allowing yourself passion and joy. The next part is the Knight of Discs. It's also about slowing down and listening to your body in a way because again, the discs represent the body. And you know, we have the Knight of Discs, and he's the only Knight in the tarot whose horse has all four hooks on the ground and he's not moving. But even though he's not moving, the sunlight is reflecting off of his shield and it's turning the hillside green. So the moral of that intricate metaphor is just like, sometimes you don't have to be doing a whole lot to be making a whole lot of change. You know, sometimes resting is really important, sometimes sometimes deciding to set something out as a creative act. So there's something about that, like your life. I think in the future, as a result of this healing, you know, you're going to have way more access to pleasure and joy, which is amazing, but also like it might feel, it's not going to be necessarily a whole lot of like, you know, what do they say, bangs and whistles or whatever? It's not going to be like fireworks every day, either. You know, it's also going to be just about being grounded in your life and being able to, like, be in touch with yourself. Now your final card is kind of funny. It's the Prince of Swords, and he's a little bit of a pain in the ass. He is. He's in this, a chariot. He wants his chariot to move forward, of course, but his chariot is being pulled by these little eensy fairies that just don't have the muscle. So he's recognized this. He's pulling his sword back and he's about to cut the reins. This is very interesting for you to get because, you know, clearly the healing modality that you've settled on for yourself is really great. It's definitely. What you're supposed to be doing is absolutely going to help you. But I wouldn't be surprised if a few years down the road, you're going to have to switch it up. You know, it's it's making me think of that like Buddhist parable where it's like, you know, you're you're on this like hike or on this mission and you come to you come to a lake and you need a raft to get across the lake. Well, when you're on the other side of the lake, you don't keep bringing the raft with you everywhere. The rafts served its purpose, so this modality might serve its purpose in a really major way. And then, you know, you might need to move on to try something else to kind of keep keep yourself engaged with your healing journey, which, you know, kind of lasts throughout our whole lives on some level. Does that make sense?

Querent: All of it, all of it. Yeah, yeah.

Michelle Tea: Well, great. I'm so happy for you. You got really great cards.

Querent: Yeah. I'm so grateful for you. You are a gift to the world. So awesome. Yeah. Oh gosh.

Michelle Tea: Thank you so much. Good luck with everything.

Querent: Yeah. Thank you so much.

Michelle Tea: OK, bye bye. All right. Oh all right. We got a real like shorty. But sweetie one here, OK? "Hi. I'm wanting to know if I should look into a different career and if I should release a story soon. I also would like to know if I should continue writing stories." Oh, you guys, all the writers. I'm just I feel your pain. It's so hard. You're like, What am I even doing? You're sitting in front of your computer and you're doing one of two things you're either making shit up or you're just like blabbing about your own life. And both of those things can make you feel so vulnerable and like crazy. Like where you're like, What's what is wrong with me? Why? Why do I want to do this? Who cares? But guess what? Lots of people care. Thank God there are writers, so I always want to tell. Tell all the writers to keep writing. Keep writing your stuff. Figure out your way around the writer's block. Sit through it when it's painful. There's no easy way out of it and it is hard. But why? Why shouldn't it be? You know, why should that be easy?

But OK, let's just answer these questions should our querent look into a different career? What does it look like if she does look into a different career? This is like such. This is such a mysterious question because it's it's very specific, but also like, what's your career like? There's so much we don't know. OK, what does it look like if our querent releases a story soon or client has some stories? Maybe she's going to like, throw it up on the internet and what does it look like if our querent continues writing stories right now? OK, let's see. Olivia–Olive, why do I keep wanting to call you, Olivia? Sorry. It's because it's 3:40 in the morning and I'm jet-lagged in Europe. That's why. But I'm glad that helped you, Olive. All right now, let's help this person, OK? What does it look like if she looks into a different career? Geez, it doesn't look that great. Like, I mean, in the center of the three card reading is the magician, which I mean the magician's awesome. But on either side of it is The Hanged Man and the cruelty card: the Nine of swords. I don't know. Here's the thing that I'm get. Here's the vibe I'm getting. You could look for a different career, but that's maybe not what the issue is, really. And it looks like maybe it's just timing wise, a little bit of a hard time to look for a career. If I was a Magic eight ball and aren't I, I would say ask again later about about that. Don't do it now. But should you release a story? Hell yeah, you should release a story. Have you guys noticed? I mean, watch the tarot will probably like, do something to contradict me now that I'm saying this, but I feel like the tarot almost always tells people to do their writing and to carry on with their creativity. It's like, that's what we're supposed to be doing here. It's just hard sometimes. And guess what? It's going to be hard for you to release your story, but you have to do it. The very first card ace of swords. I mean, my god, if that's not a card about releasing a story, right? It's an ace. So it's about newness. It's about it's, you know, the swords, rule writing and communication. So this is absolutely about taking a step two to put some communication out into the world. And then the next card you get is the Sun. I love it. It's so beautiful. It's like, Yes, you're supposed to, you know, put your work out into the light out into the world, let it live. And then what happens: the moon? So are you going to get a little hangover from that? Yeah. I mean, it could be that your expectations are a little high. You know, you might you might want to really be honest with yourself about what your expectations or your hopes are for putting the work out. If you think that you know it's going to blow you up overnight or solve all your problems, you know it's not going to do all those things. What it's going to do, it's going to be a strong step for you towards the life of a writer, right? But it probably won't be more than that. But that in itself is so hugely important, as the Sun shows. But as the Moon shows, there's something there that's still sort of, you know, you're like, Oh, what next? What do I do after I? After I do that? OK, now here should you continue writing stories? Yes, you absolutely should. Continue writing stories. OK? The very first card you got is the eight of discs, and it's called prudence. This is very interesting. You know, it's Sun in Virgo. It's very structured. It's very disciplined. I'm wondering if you need to get together some sort of plan, right? Do you–would a plan? I mean. I don't I'm not a person that really like has a life plan, like I just don't don't operate that way, but I know that that kind of structure is really, really great for some people, right? And you might be one of those people. The prudence card. The illustration is a tree that has these leaves that are growing around these beautiful flowers. And so the idea is, you know, we want it to we want to be the leaves to protect the beautiful flowers and your writing or the flowers. So what can you do in your life that helps you protect the time that you need the mental space that you need? OK. Just to get to these other two cards about writing stories. Princess of Wands. She is all about facing your fear, being vulnerable and writing is so vulnerable because again, you're either letting people into like your fantasy world or you're like blabbing about your life experience, write your fiction and nonfiction and then you know you're you're kind of doing a little dance in front of everybody with showing how artful you are with your language. It's very nerve-wracking, but the Princess of Wales can do it and she wants you to do it. And then the four of Swords: truce. That's a beautiful mental card for you. It's about calming your mind. I think that for some reason, getting a plan together and just really committing like, yes, I am going to commit to writing stories. I'm not going to go back and forth about it. I'm not going to waffle. I'm a writer. This is my path. Once you really make that commitment and move forward and stop questioning yourself. I think your mind is going to be a lot more clear and at peace, and then you'll have that much more space for your writing.

All right. So let me see who is here, who I can call on. And you guys, I do this every Thursday night, six o'clock on the West Coast, nine o'clock on the East Coast and three in the morning if you're in Europe. So if you like this and I hope you do, you can always listen live. And then if you want to listen, not live, you can just hop over to Spotify, search Your Magic. That's my podcast. And there will be back issues there because I'm a magazine, apparently.

OK, Tommy, I'm going to call on you. Can I help you, Tahnvi? You are...

Querent: Hi, how are you?

Michelle Tea: I'm good. How are you doing?

Querent: I have certainly been better. Sorry to hear that. Thanks. I just got certified as a midwife and a nurse practitioner. I just started my first job.

Michelle Tea: Oh my God congratulations!

Querent: Thank you. It's really hard to find a job, and I thought I had a really great offer at this private practice. And now they're really pressuring me to do pretty like violating and violent things to patients that I don't agree with. And I kind of just was like, you know, no clinical guideline actually would support your version of uninformed, nonconsensual pelvic exams. And yeah, and so now they're saying to me that they don't think they can keep me on as like a practitioner, which is fine because clearly we don't match. But I also don't want to be fired from my first job. So I just don't know what to do, basically to leave diplomatically and just put it behind me and not fight a battle. I don't feel like fighting.

Michelle Tea: Well, what would the fight be if you weren't? Because if the question is to kind of fight or not to fight, what would the fight be?

Querent: Basically, they're never going to accept that I won't do your pelvic exams on people who don't need them. So I would just be like, kind of the fight would be being miserable in the job and just making an income finally, after like years and years of school or this kind of and trying not to get fired, but also feeling like I'm always on eggshells, that they could fire me about anything because they don't like me. Also, I'm the only nonwhite provider there.

Michelle Tea: OK, OK. All right, so so the question is, do you leave and find a place that is more suitable and understands the way that you work? I mean, I just want to stop there are they–are they kind of...   Could you make a complaint against them for what they're doing?

Querent: Yeah, I have to figure out the legal resources I would have, but it's kind of... I can't figure out if I should just let myself get fired or if I should leave on my own.

Michelle Tea: Right. Yeah, I kind of, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can hear and I'm sure everybody who's listening can hear in your voice how upset you sound about this. Like, it's clearly–.

Querent: I love my work.

Michelle Tea: Yeah, yeah. OK, I'm going to shuffle. What does it look like? It's a stay or go question, right? So what does it look like for you to go? That's what I'm going to ask first, because it sounds like a terrible match for you. I mean, yeah, you know, and I would just tell you, this isn't a question about being fired. You know, this is, you know, if there's anything you can do to not frame it that way, it's, you know, this is like a mismatch and and these people sound like they're not getting at all where you're coming from. What does it look like for you to stay on? I don't even–I hardly even want to pick. I'm going to pick cards. I want to see what that story looks like. But I I hardly want to because I can just hear how miserable you are. And I'm like, What is what would be the benefit to you to stay there? I guess making a paycheck, right, that's always a benefit. All right. Okay, so looking for another job, yeah, that that looks good. Oh no, no, no, no, you got to get out of there. Yeah, OK. The I mean, like, could you stay there and be absolutely miserable? Definitely. The centerpiece card for you staying off this job is the strength card. Like you're a strong person, like you've got like a will, you know, like you could do it. You will not be happy. You got the death card on one side and the cruelty card on the other side. So. I think, you know, it's only a matter of time before you leave. Like, you're not going to stay there because that, you know, the death card is saying that that that's a that's sort of a dead place for you to work like the energy is not. It's so ironic that you're in the life business now, but you're getting the death card there. So and then the cruelty card, it's like, you know, these problems are not going away and they're not going to get easier for you to handle psychologically. Finding a new job looks really nice. You've got, you know, instead of the nine of swords with their illustrations, things like bloody swords, you have the two of swords peace, peace of mind, your mind at peace, moon in Libra. You know, like Libra, wants harmony and wants what's best, and the Moon wants that as well. It wants to feel like feel cared for and able to care for others. It's a really beautiful card. Then your next card is the princess of cups, which honestly, she has like, joyful like midwifes, energy. She's just beautiful and she's she is totally able to. It's very caring. She's holding this a big shell with like a creature coming out of it. It's like it's very there's lots of life happening all around her. There's like lotus and swans and fish, and she's just like, very open hearted and happy, you know? And then on the other side is the adjustment card. So, you know, it's another Libra card. Can I ask you what sign you are?

Querent: I'm a Scorpio, but I have a Venus and Libra in the seventh house.

Michelle Tea: Oh, OK. All right. So that's that makes a lot of sense. So, you know, and gosh, it's it can be really hard for folks who have who are a Scorpio and Libra because like Scorpio is going towards the extremes and Libras always trying to balance, that's like, yeah, that's rough. So, you know, it might be a little bit of that with the adjustment cards. You know, there might be it might be that like the next place that you find also isn't perfect. It's way better. I mean, this sounds awful like this the place you're at right now. That's just like a that can not happen for you. This is great, but there still might be a little bits of it that aren't perfect, and it's just going to really have to be on you to figure out how to kind of make peace with that a little bit. And also, there might be something about having to find a job again that is destabilizing and unsettling to you, but. I think you've got to do it, and I think that job is out there for you. Absolutely. With the peace card and the princess of Cups. I think it's definitely out there. But the adjustment card is also saying that like, you know, it's not going to be like you roll out of bed and there's a new job. You have to do a little work and that might feel a little annoying. Does that make sense?

Querent: Yeah, thank you. I definitely want to be the princess of cups.

Michelle Te: Yeah. Oh yeah, you want to be the princess of cups. I mean, you know, as a as a Scorpio, you are kind of the princess of cups. You just need to be in an environment that encourages that. Those aspects of you, right?

Querent: Yes. Thank you so much.

Michelle Tea: You're very welcome, good luck.

Querent: Thank you.

Michelle Tea: Oh, all right. Oh, what are we going to? We're having a Scorpio long party now. We've moved away from the Taurus Love Party. Now we're having a Scorpio party. I love Scorpios. Also, my mom, my sister and like my biggest collaborator, one of my best friends. Lots of Scorpios. OK, I got this card right here. Not card. A querent, you guys. Thanks for sticking with me as it almost turns into four o'clock in the morning where I am. I feel like I'm I'm holding it up pretty well, I think, you know. I didn't drink any caffeine, which I usually always do. Here's my big secret you guys. I'm totally caffeine fueled every every time we're doing Ask The Tarot. I have caffeine in front of me, but you know, I do want to go to bed after this, so I didn't drink any. So that's why I'm like a little flubby. But OK, here is one question. "My husband and I have been trying for another child for two years. We just suffered a second pregnancy loss over Christmas." Oh God, I'm so sorry. That is really, really, really hard. "It's been two years of heartbreak, grief and fertility consuming our lives. We conceived the second pregnancy using Clomid and progesterone." Clomid like, you know, like reproductive and fertility drug, progesterone, the hormone. We've been offered another three rounds of Clomid progesterone and IUI treatments then that may be it, because I don't know that I could put my body through IVF. I'm confident I'll get pregnant again with meds, but I'm not confident it will bring us a healthy live baby at the end. My question for the tarot is if we should continue on this fertility journey or make peace with being a family of three. My intuition is rejecting both those options, so I don't know what to do. Sincerely, a lost mama.".

Well, that's a lot. It can be so hard. You know, I had I had my kid through IVF and you know, it's so hard because they keep promising you that they can create a baby for you. And they're not wrong. They can, but you're just like, OK, OK, but are you going to? Is that baby going to come eight years from now? And like, you know, when I'm a million dollars in debt, it's like just because the technology is there doesn't mean that it's the best path. So, OK, let's see. What does it look like if you continue on this fertility journey that you're on? Do it get back on the Clomid, maybe get back on the progesterone. Oh my god, I remember when I was doing that, doing the shots in your belly, all this, all that stuff, or what is it look like for you to make peace with being a family of three, which is so sweet. Oh my goodness. You know, what does it look like to just embrace that, OK? And you know, you're not asking me for this, and I hope it's not bad that I'm doing it. But I just read my intuition is rejecting both those options. So I'm like, That's very interesting that your intuition is rejecting what seems like the only two options. But of course, it's not the only two options. There's also adoption, right? What does it look like if you guys–Oh my god, Tahnvi, who wants to be the queer midwife who helps these folks! Oh, I love it. I love it. OK, what does it look like if you pursue adoption? Just just for just for kids. Just for shits and giggles. OK? Oh wow. OK. No, no, no. You're going to do. You're going to keep on this fertility journey. OK, talk to Tahnvi. Wow. The very first card for that is the universe. And so you guys, you know what the universe card means, at least to me, as a tarot reader, it is the biggest. Yes, in the dark. It's the biggest. This is your destiny in the deck. Monica's wondering if she's tried acupuncture for fertility. Of course you want to throw that out there. That can be really. Some women find that really helpful. Didn't really help me, but I know that it has helped people, so definitely worth trying. But listen, the universe and then the change part, OK? The two of disks. It's Jupiter in Capricorn. The change part is so interesting to me because it's a it's a good card. It's a positive change, right? Jupiter, I mean, what could Jupiter is the best. It's the best planet, but it's in Capricorn. So Capricorn scared of change, period. So I wonder if there you will be introduced to it. I wonder if your medical team is going to want to do something a little different and change up your your process, and that feels weird. I think I say do it because the next part is the chariot, which is like, Yes, yes, yes, yes. The chariot part is such a big yes, it's a cancer cards, cancer rules family. It's about making sacrifices which, oh my god, I mean, you know, you make so many sacrifices as a person getting pregnant, as a person, having a kid and the sacrific es that are made with going the IVF route are really formidable. So, yeah, you're making sacrifices. But, you know, and it's the chariot of war and you're already going through hell. You're already in the heartbreak, grief and having it consume your life. So so you know your little battle worn. But man, I love the chariot for you. I love it. That is a huge yes for me. Let's see. What does it look like to to just love your family of three? Well, that looks nice, too. OK, but it's nothing like the other one, too. Just to just accept your family of three and get down with that. You get the emperor, which is cool and you get the love card, the two of cups because like how you love your child, you love your partner, you all love each other that you got all the love you need, but you also get the Queen of Swords. And you know, I always think about the Queen of Swords. I mean, she's a real badass in the top deck, you know, she's just cutting people's heads off and firing people. But there's always, you know, classically and like the Rider-Waite and all of those decks, there's something about her being like sort of bitter and sad, which is the bitter, sad woman. So I'm getting a hit of her about how like, you are going to be a little haunted if you don't stay on this journey a little longer. Now I do, of course, because I picked the cards I want to see what does what does adoption look like for you? Say OK. It doesn't look great. Look, the princess of Wands is wonderful. Eight of wands is wonderful, four cups is a little like one, you know, and no one I'm thinking about that is that, you know, I know that when I was trying to get pregnant through artificial reproductive technologies, ART, actually a book about this coming out, you guys in April. I'm sorry, not in April. It is April in August called Knocking Myself UP where I talk about all of this kind of stuff. But you know, one thing that happens when you're trying to get pregnant that way is so many people are like talking to you about adoption as if you don't know that adoption, I mean, of course, you know that adoption's an option. But, you know, I feel like what other folks don't know is that adoption is also really hard. It also takes forever. You know, it's also really nerve-wracking and expensive. So it's not like, Hey, you know, just go pick up an unwanted kid over in the the free box, you know, at the Co-op, it's not like that. So this also looks like it's not necessarily going to solve your problems. But hey, it does look like IVF is going to or, you know, IUI whatever, whatever it is, you're doing so. Yeah. Good luck to you.

Oh, Shelby, thank you for saying you can't wait to see my new book. It's available for preorder. You guys, you get this called Knocking Myself Up: A Memoir of My Infertility, and I'm really excited about it. You guys, we did it. We did it. It's 4:01 here in Madrid. I'm going to go to bed. I have a little bit of a headache. I think just staying up late. You guys are wonderful. I wouldn't miss this for the world. I'll be doing it again next Thursday at 4:00 in the morning at 3:00 in the morning, live from Barcelona on the very last day of my honeymoon. So have a great week, everybody. Remember, if you want to send me questions into my Instagram, I'm @michelleteaz T-E-A-Z. That was my one and only Instagram. I will never contact you out of the blue. Talking weird jibber jabber asking you if you want a tarot reading. I'm never going to do that. So, so make sure that you that you tell those people to go to hell when they contact you and block them. And again, if you want to listen to back episodes, please go to the Your Magic thread over on Spotify. And yes, OK, you guys, you're the best. I see, I see all of your sweet notes. I love you guys. Have a good night. Bye bye.

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Michelle Tea: Hi, friends, remember to catch ask the Tarot live right here on Spotify every Thursday at nine p.m. Eastern. You can join me for a journey through the cycles of life, love aspiration, all in real time. Want me to do a reading for you? Just download the Spotify Live app for free today. It's available in the App Store and you can join every week I go Live. You'll be able to meet really unique people, chat with other listeners and even ask questions of your own. Remember, you can always listen to ask the Tarot Live on Spotify every Thursday at 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Want to be part of the conversation? Download the Spotify Live app for free today and make sure to follow the Ask the Tarot Show page to be notified every time we go live.

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