Ask the Tarot: My Bi Witchy Best Friend Is Turning TERF-y — What Should I Do?

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Michelle Tea: Hey, everyone, thank you so much for tuning in. But did you know that you can join Ask the Tarot Live every Thursday at 9:00 PM Eastern on Spotify Green Room. That is right live. All you have to do is download the Spotify Green Room app and sign up for free or use your Spotify login to join. You can also click the link in our series or episode descriptions once you're there. Follow Ask the Tarot and tune in every Thursday at nine p.m. to hear what the tarot has to say. Hey, I'll even read your questions live. You don't want to miss that. Download Spotify Green Room for free today and join Ask the Tarot Live every Thursday.

Michelle Tea: Hello everybody. I'm two minutes late. I'm so happy you're here. It's so fun to get here and see a whole bunch of people just waiting for the tarot excitement to start. Thank you so much for being here. I am Michele Tee. You are at. Ask the tarot and this is a live tarot show. I'm a tarot reader. I'm the host of the podcast Your Magic. I wrote a book called Modern Tarot, and if you would like your tarot cards, read today, I'll pull some on, you know, whatever is up for you. You can either raise your hand and I'll try to get to you, right? I can't get to everyone, you guys. I wish I could. It truly pains me. If you'd also like to be a little more anonymous, feel free to shoot me a damn over on Instagram, where I am at Michelle T's T Z and every week we're here every Wednesday at 6:00 Eastern 9:00 Pacific. I do a mix of folks who are live in the room with us and people who have sent in these questions and are now here listening and hoping. But before I get started, I need to again really give you guys a PSA about the scammers that are happening over on Instagram. I've talked about this before. There are people on Instagram, terrible criminal, manipulative gaslighting, people who are cloning the accounts of prominent tarot readers. And then what they do is they threaten you and then you're like, Oh wow, Michele's friending me or, you know, whoever is friending you and you accept it, and then you're going to get a little message from them saying they're going to speak in this like melodramatic language. They're going to be like darling beloved. The spirit has moved me to give you a tarot reading, and they're going to try and hustle you super intensely, super fast to give them money on, you know, a cash app or PayPal or Venmo. They're going to try to get you to do a text reading with me, and I'm really talking a little more about this because I just had a little hang with somebody who this happened to and they got suckered for it because we actually had a pending tarot reading. So, you know, they were a little more vulnerable, but it's really awful what these folks are doing. We're going to do a show about it on your magic, but I just want to say they are doing things like really studying my Instagram so that they can talk to you as if they're really me. It's the creepiest thing in the world. It really is. So I just want to tell you guys, I will never DM you asking you if you want a tarot reading. Never, never, never will I do that, and never will any real tarot reader do that. That's just not how we work, OK? So please know this. Tell your friends when you're talking about tarot with your friends, just be like, Oh yeah, by the way, like if anyone ever emails you asking you if you want to tarot reading, the answer is go to hell. You criminal scammer. OK, yeah. Don't get caught. Listen to Veera. Always listen to Veera. All right, I'm going to start tonight after that rant. I guess I've already started. I have this really interesting reading card that came in the question that came in. That's about the cards, right? It's not a it's not an advice question, but it's very interesting. And it made me think a lot about liking different tarot cards and disliking different tarot cards. Here we go. "Wondering if you can offer guidance about a card that gives me trouble? Lately, the strength card has come up for me in readings across a couple different decks. I know it's meant to be a good card. How about real strength is about working with taming, harnessing the animal nature through gentleness and compassion, but everything about it rubs me the wrong way. I have nothing against compassion, and kindness is strength, but I must say this woman in a caring profession who was raised Christian." While I can see where this is going "and grew up surrounded by evangelical visions of proper womanhood that looks a lot like this card. I don't want to be calm and compassionate and tamed all the time. Do you have any advice on how to read the strength cards when you'd much rather be the lion than the lady?" What a great question. And then she lets us know she's a Taurus son. Libra moon Scorpio Rising. Oh yeah, that's Scorpio. Rising is like, I want to be. Evil, that's your theme song for that Scorpio rising, but I'm sure it's a little more complicated than that for you because your tourist son in your Lieberman are ruled by Venus and there is a sort of, you know, love and peacefulness in there. So I have a few things I want to say about this. The first is, you know, you don't have to be these things all the time. You don't have to be calm and compassionate all the time. You yourself have said, you know, compassion is a virtue. Kindness is a virtue, right? So, you know, sometimes that card comes up when there's a situation in our life that's making us have to think about that. OK, like it's wanting us to like, chill out a little bit, you know, like tone it down a little bit for the moment. It's not a lifestyle. It doesn't want you to be an evangelical lady who's, you know, I don't know, you know, being subservient to her husband and just, you know, raising children. It's not about that. So this is a this is a situation where you are projecting a little bit onto the card, which is understandable. Tarot is really personal and really intimate, and we tend to bond hard with some cards and then feel really repulsed by others. Like, I have a hard time with the hermit card, but sometimes the hermit card comes up for me, and that's usually a moment where I have to reckon with my aversion to being alone. Right? So maybe this is coming up because you have to reckon with your aversion to being sort of reined in and tamed, right? It doesn't necessarily mean that it's telling you to do that. Sometimes the cards come up when you know, we're being called to think about these concepts, right? And these ways of being, you know, and here's the thing, like a lot of times with the strength card, we're not trying to completely defang that lion, right? I actually want to refer you. Maybe you'll be really great for you to try reading with the top deck, which is the deck that I use in this. In this event, every week as the tarot, I use the top deck in the top deck. Crowley, who also did not want to be gentle and compassionate all the time at all, even as he acknowledged that, you know, love is the way love under right. Love is the law. So he changed the strength card to the lust card because he believed that those animal passions were meant to be, you know, nurtured and respected and loved. And I do think that that is the true meaning of the strength card. It's not about like you, bad lion. Go turn into a domestic cat and sit in the corner and play with a ball of yarn. No, it's like we have all of these powers. We have sex powers and we have power powers and we have passionate powers and we, you know, we have, you know, a lust for vengeance in our hearts, sometimes, right? We have the desire to do bad things, sometimes right to be naughty or to be evil. You know, we we are where we're really complicated. So it's not about the last thing you want to do is take that evangelical Christian route that is so bizarre, hypocritical and, you know, not human and pretend that we don't have these impulses. It's about learning about what these impulses are for us. How do they come up in our bodies and our psyches? What does it mean to us? How can we indulge them in a way that is safe for ourselves and safe for others? Right? So I think, you know, the strength card is daring you to, you know, get really deep with it and to define it on your own terms. You know, it is. There are times when we really do need to be calm and compassionate, and then there are times when we do need to let the lion out of the cage. O'Connor takes it to dinner once a month. I love that. Take your inner lion to dinner. Oh, that's so great. OK. I hope that was helpful. I'm going to see who's got their hand up in the room, and I am going to call on Kelsey. Kelsey, here you are. Oh and oh, wait, I got to turn my sound up, I do this every week. Hello.

Querent: Hi, can you hear me? Awesome. Wow. Thank you so much for picking me more. I. So here's what's happening. I have a question around like housing and where I'm going to be living because I'm really trying my best to move out soon. So I was hoping to do like a general vibe. Check on this one potential place that I might end up at in Camarillo and the place where I'm living at now because I can. I currently live at home with my parents.

Michelle Tea: OK, so you want to see what does it look like for you to move to Camarillo, to this one place? I'm shuffling on that one right now, so think about think about that spot, think about what you like about it, what you don't like about it, what would be hard? What would be easier? I am shuffling on Camarillo and I'll pick three cards. OK, and now I'm going to shuffle about you remaining at home with your parents, you know, certainly not forever. But for now, you know, shelving this Camarillo idea, what does it look like for you to recommit to where you are for now and stuff like that? So you think about what is smart about that, what is hard about that, what you like, what you don't like? Hey, Niecy, see, so for Camerino, it looks good and for staying home. Oh, goodness. Do you have an interesting relationship with your mom? Like, who doesn't? Right? But it's like staying home. You have the impress, which is the Big Mom card. And like, I'm guessing, are you? Are you living with your mom?

Querent: Yeah, I'm living with both.

Michelle Tea: OK. I mean, you know, it's the luxury you've got the Emperor's, which is, you know, my guess is there's probably some real benefits to living with mom, you know? And one of them certainly is the 10 of discs which popped up, which is the wealth card. So you're certainly saving money there. And that looks significant, actually. And it's really interesting. The middle card here is the four of cups in the Crowley deck. It's called luxury, and it's just sort of about an emotional situation that's mostly good, but it just kind of feels like it could go south at any minute, right? It doesn't. It's hard to trust, you know, and there's just probably something, you know, just emotionally unsettling for you to be living at home. You know, my guess is there's lots of reasons for that. This card, this luxury card is moon and cancer and cancers family. And this is like a lot of family. And even though it does probably ultimately feel nice with that infamous card and we love the empress and saving money is great. So the cards for moving to Camarillo are also good. You have the ace of cups, which is about a new beginning, like you're really starting and it's a new emotional beginning. Like, I wonder, you know how much of a sort of emotional reliance on your fam has has sort of been fostered through living with them? So I think that there's something about, you know, like, whoa, like it's almost like you're out on your own again. It's like a second, you know, new adulting moment for you. But it looks really good. I mean, the ace of cups is beautiful, right? The Prince of Wands is your next one. And oh my god, it's really funny because the Prince of Wands is like the party prince, right? He's a Leo, so he loves parties. He loves sex romance. He loves, you know, art. He loves just, you know, living this big, full fun life. And my guess is that showing up is saying like, you're going to get to have all of that in a different way in this place, right? Like, you'll be able like to have sex in the house that you live out, regular romance. You can have a party, you know, you can have people over, you can, you know, decorate it and be artful within it and in the way that you want. And that's going to be really powerful and fun for you. Your final one is the Knight of Swords, which is interesting. I mean, that's about being really focused. And there's also there's three little birds that fly alongside this character, and it's said to represent, you know, support. So I'm wondering if that's like, are you going to have roommates? Does this mean like you're going to be able to entertain more at your house, right? And have things like that going on? Or it could also be your your family, you know, supporting you and, you know, not holding you under their roof, but still holding you in their hearts and helping you get out of there. Is this resonating?

Querent: It's resonating a lot. Absolutely.

Michelle Tea: I mean, here's the thing usually in a reading like this where you're choosing between two options, I do look towards a major arcana to sort of lead the way. But when the question is like about you, living at home in the major arcana is like the Big Mom card, I'm not necessarily seeing that is like, yes, you should stay there. I think it's just saying that, you know, the mom energy. My guess is that it's really sweet. It's almost very seductive. Like you could fall back into it and like, never grow back up again. Sort of.

Querent: Sometimes it's sweet, but other times it could be sour if you're not.

Michelle Tea: I do know what you mean, and I think that's that luxury card where it's like the cups are beautiful. Everything's beautiful, but that water is choppy, you know? So yeah, and but you know, between the sweet times and the saving of the money, a very good deal, right? You could put up with that luxury card and you could put effort. We could put up with it for a little longer. But it's almost like, you know, I don't know, I'm asking the tarot and I'm getting these other cards that are about like not making a move and being indecisive. And I think you just need to get yourself out of there. That's what I think this is saying that Prince of Wands, it wants its own space. You know, he wants. He wants you to party a little bit and have like a new a new reckoning with your own self and your relationship to yourself.

Queren: Okay. Thank you. This has been really helpful, I asked this question expecting a negative response. I feel like I'm trapped between like a rock and a hard place right now, so I'm very like, pleasantly surprised that I got actually nice cards.

Michelle Tea: And now they are nice. And I mean, you know, I don't know. You could stay in the in the like seductively, you know, easy nest of your family for quite a long time if you choose that. And again, you know, like at least what's good is that you're not in a rush to move out. But if you have found a place and it sounds like you have, go set it up.

Querent: Awesome, thank you so much, Michelle.

Michelle Tea: You're so welcome, good luck to you. Yeah, I see. Rekha in the chat saying, Go out and explore yourself. That's exactly what that energy is with the Prince of Wands and the Knight of Swords. Like, yeah, and even with that ace of cups like heaven, you get to know yourself all over again, right? So good luck with that. OK, you guys this question. Listen to this question, OK? "My bisexual, witchy best friend since I was 13 is expressing TERFy-ness in the name of the goddess work, and it's freaking me out." So I want to pause here because I don't know if if you are all, if you all know what the heinousness, the cultural heinousness of TERFy-ness is. But the acronym TERF stands for trans exclusionary radical feminist. So its people by and large women, cis women, of course, obviously who under this false banner of a so-called radical feminism are horrible tranemies. They're terrible to trans women. They're also not good to trans man, but they are real. The real focus of their violence is as trans women. So how awful? I want just you to make sure you understand the severity of this question. So yes. So this person's bisexual, witchy best friend is expressing TERFy-ness in the name of the goddess who, oh my god, give me a break. The goddess is a trans woman. OK. Anyway, "do I just ice her from my life because I feel like that's the only option? Sidebar note She had twenty two years sober and just relapsed on mushrooms, acid and whippets at a tantric workshop in Miami." Oh my god. Whoa, what a car crash of chemicals that is in this person's body. Holy crap, OK? Mushrooms, acid and whippets and delusional fake goddess bullshit and tantra and Florida. Let's blame Florida while we're at it. The last thing this person says is she was the person I followed into the rooms, which means the parent here is also, you know, is a sober person. And this person, you know, initially was an inspiration. So, so OK. You know, on one hand, I'm just going to give you the Michelle Te advice first, which is like, Yeah, you do just Eissa from your life. It's sort of a big deal breaker. You know, somebody being a turf, somebody being racists, you know, it's like, sorry, go away when you have figured out your heinous wrongs and want to make amends? Come talk to me. So that's Michelle's advice, OK? But you know, you asked the tarot. So here we go. Let me see what does it look like if you? Yes, I assume from your life, which there's a lot of benefits. You also just like, I don't know, as a sober person, it can be really hard when somebody goes on a raging, you know, relapse can. It can be really hard. There's not a lot you can do for them or with them. You know, it's hard because you it's kind of hard to hang out without cosigning what you see as their bullshit, right? So what does it look like if for the the crime, the very serious crime of terpenes and, you know, other attendant reasons, you just say bye to this friend until they've come to their senses. OK, now because you're asking the tarot, I will do, you know, an alternate and alternate pull for you, which is like, what if you keep her in your life so that you can role model, you know, intelligence reality, you know, a cool life so that you can challenge her bullshit so that somebody challenging her bullshit because maybe her freaky, you know, fake tantra friends in Florida are not, you know? So yeah, what does that look like? And then to also, you know, be somebody who? Is still sober and still there for her if and when she comes to her senses, so what does that look like for you? Actually, what it looks like for you is frickin exhausting, right? That's what I think. We'll see what the tarot says. OK. Getting rid of her looks freaking beautiful. Oh my God. And keeping her around. Looks like I thought it's like a a mental, an exercise in mental. An exercise in mental exercise. OK, so here you go. Three cards for saying goodbye to the fart I heard. I heard. TERFs called farts once, which is feminist appropriating radical terrorists, which I really loved. The acknowledgment that they're appropriating for feminism, you know, for their for their awful violence. OK, so if you say bye bye to this friend, the nine of disk gain beautiful right away something, there's something that pays off for you that you feel good. It's Venus in Virgo. And you know, here's a thing like Venus is love, right? But also like Virgo is about like keeping the boundaries, you know, keeping keeping the order, keeping the structure and keeping the essence pure, you know, and you probably feel slimed after hanging out with this person. It probably feels yucky, right? And you don't need that. And then the next card for saying no to this friendship is the Sun. Oh my God, it's like, Yeah, you know, you don't have to put up with somebody toxic bullshit, right? I mean, Venus is like the height of toxicity. What is what's more toxic than that? So you don't need it? And then the fool who you know, you might have people around you that are just like, Oh, we need to, we need to educate her. Or, you know, I don't know people who don't necessarily, you know, cis people who are in a cis bubble who don't understand how, how violent and awful it is to hold those thoughts might not think it's as big of a deal. I'm thinking because the full card, when it comes up, often there's people who are just like, You're crazy. So, you know, you might you might get some pushback, but you now you know in your heart that you want to jump off the cliff away from this person into into some relief. So, yes, now if you want to keep hanging out with them because they're masochistic, you get the adjustment card, right? Which is justice. It's Libra, it's Libra. So you're trying to bring ethics and morality to this person and trying to introduce, you know, concepts and thoughts that balance this extreme, bizarre way of thinking, OK? You also have the four of swords, which is called truce. It's it's a pretty it's pretty calm mentally. So, you know, good on you that you're able to retain some calm. If you do choose to be friends with her, that you don't allow it to like eat you, but also like you're having to make a truce right after a truce comes after a conflict. So it's almost a little bit of like we have to agree to disagree, which like this isn't one of those issues where that's a thing. It's like we can agree to disagree about mushrooms, right? I think they're slimy and disgusting. And you think that they are, you know, an adequate replacement for, I don't know, mean, you know, that's fine, but not unlike the humanity of humans. Your final one is the ace of swords. So yeah, get ready to have like a season of talking about this all the time with this person. So I don't know. This is a lot of swords. They're not the worst swords, obviously. So I think you are able to stay grounded if you do, if you do choose to keep interacting with this person and clearly you will have a serious agenda if you do, you know, as you should. But I don't know, go go to the lights, go to the light carol and go away from this person. Like Connor saying in the chat, This is that's an absolutely fair reason. Transphobia is absolutely for a reason to cut off a so-called fan.

Michelle Tea: OK, let's see who is in. Who's got their hand up there, I can help out here. Aidy, I'm calling on you. Make sure you can unmute yourself. She's given an update and is giving an update, it's in the chat, I'm going to read it. The guy really put some distance between them without a true explanation. This is we talk to Aidy recently. So, oh, I got him also saying that Connor was talking about. I misunderstood took Connor out of context, but he does agree that he was saying that, you know, having been playing Dungeons and Dragons is a fair reason to be late to the room to this room. But he does agree. It's also fair reason to cut off a friend's transphobia is. OK, so let me see what Aidy is saying here. There was a question about a guy recently, and now she knows he's living in a sober house.

Querent: Michelle Michelle, I'm sorry.

Michelle Tea: Oh, OK, here you are. So why don't you tell us? Give us. Give us the council. What's going on?

Querent: All right. So last time I spoke to you, this guy, because, you know, we had only really hung out one time and like, but from what I had got the vibes, he was like, what I wanted and more. Of course, you know the represent representative, right? So every day into the next time we're seeing each other, he's takes me one day, one day left. We see each other and immediately the vibe was just a little different. It just seemed like he was into his phone a little bit more. But he's still, you know, singing and doing the right things, kind of. But even to the point we got to his house where he's like, telling me, Don't forget that this is a turn that you make next time you come. I'm like, OK, awesome. Blows me kisses and everything. So then it's just like this static for like two days. And then when I speak to him again, he's like. I kind of was just off, he's in my approach was off putting, which I was very confused by that as well. So your approach was off, even though I really wasn't engaging with him that much because he immediately from the beginning, he wanted it to be casual. So I respected that. But then it was kind of like when I respected it, I wasn't giving him enough attention, you know what I mean?

Michelle Tea: Oh yeah. This person sounds like they got their head up their butt.

Querent: Yeah, exactly. So I've completely backed off, even though he's told me he wants to see me again. But it's like, I don't want to deal with that type of like, you know, just immaturity where you can't communicate with me. So, um, I still feel like it's my time, though, to like, fall in love. Like I said, it's still been four years. So I guess my question is if what if I go back to just focusing on being single and bettering myself and not worry about a relationship?

Michelle Tea: OK, so what does it look like for you now in light of this new information that we have about this person that he is just like, not–

Querent:  I'm sorry, I forgot that part.

Michelle Tea: So, oh well, we forget things sometimes when we want to.

Querent: He didn't tell me that either until the second time I saw him and I thought I took the news. Well, you know, and I don't. I mean, no one knows who he is. I'll just tell you he had been addicted to fentanyl like. And so he had been. He's been living in the sober house for 10 months, and he's completely relocated states like he's far away from his home state. And I mean, he doesn't look like, I don't know what a person really looks like when you know they have that type of issue. But when I tell you this guy, he looks like, you know, one of those Instagram models. So it's like, really confusing.

Michelle Tea: Well, addicts, when we're not using, we're really beautiful. So you do have to be careful about that. But listen, somebody early in their I mean, somebody was early in their sobriety doesn't necessarily need to be, I don't know, it sounds like I don't know, like what I can say. I get it. I'm getting an idea of what you have to offer this person. But what does he have to offer you, you know, and you sound like, you know, you want to you're feeling like it's your time to be in love. Like, here's a person sending you mixed messages, you know, like doesn't want you to fall in love, but then it's like being like, seductive in that particular way. And I don't like, I don't like that, he said. Isn't like, what did he say? You're approach pro. Go to hell. What are you, my boss going to work critique or something? Anyway, that's my yeah.

Querent: Yeah.

Michelle Tea: OK, let me see what if you focus on being single for a moment longer, I'm picking some cards on that. Sure, you know what, if you don't, but you just don't go. You know, you just stay away from this guy, you know, like Instagram model or no, I don't have like a lot of a lot of people who are addicts like end up getting super into fitness when they get sober because, you know, gives us dopamine, it gives us dopamine and it connects us to our body, you know, and we're needing that. We're needing a physical connection to ourselves and we're needing dopamine because we were getting all these chemicals off the drugs. So, you know, I'm sure there are people out there with more sobriety and bigger muscles. OK, so what does it look like for you to go back into your little, your little safety nook? No, it is not. You know, we I talked about this, you can't do it. 80. You can't do it as your name out of your 80. Am I saying it right? It's Audie, thank you. Thank you so much. I'm sorry, I was saying it wrong. So listen, there's there is there's a lot that's so beautiful about you just kind of retreating to your own personal space. You got the three of wands, which is virtue. It's it's Sun in Aries. And that is very like, I'm focusing on me. All my energy is coming right into myself. You know, I'm just refueling myself. So that's the first card. And then the last card is the Fool. So it's it's really funny, like you're almost jumping back into yourself, but the center card is futility, and I just feel like, I don't know. There's something it's so seductive and you never it's never bad to focus on yourself. It's never bad to spend time by yourself and and nurture yourself. So I really think that those aspects of your sort of intentional singleness, I think you should hold on to those. But I think the idea that like, you're going to go away and sort of not not let people and not let love in, I think that's the futility card. I don't think, you know, the futility card. It's astrological placement is moon in Aquarius, in Aquarius is really radical and can be super kooky sometimes and extreme, you know, and the Moon wants love like the Moon just wants love and safety. Right. And so here's Aquarius being like, That's all. We're just going to, you know, go back into our little self-care bubble and say goodbye. But the Moon is like, Oh God, but I want love, though, you know, I'm like a human animal with a heart and I want love like we all do. So I don't think I think that the message there is, yeah, you keep up all of that, whatever that regiment or that attitude is for you. You know, with with the self-care and the self-focus, you definitely never let go of that, ever. Like, that's just your life now for the rest of your life. But do you intentionally kind of keep yourself off the market? I don't think so. Going back on the market you have on the market, so gross. To that, like the phrases that just like colonize your brain without even, you know, you're not even conscious of it. How disgusting, anyway, to get back out there into into the love the love world, you got three major arcana, which to me is saying really powerfully like, yes, like you should definitely not be with this guy because he, I don't think, has the ability to like, honor you the way you should be honored. You know, he's just not there. He doesn't have those skills, right? Maybe, hopefully, he's learning people learn skills through being sober, but it takes time. So for for for letting yourself be open to love first, you have the adjustment card, which is a Libra card. It's justice in its Libra. And Libra does want relationships, but you know it's an intellectual crutch, so you aren't thinking like, Well, what do I want, right? You're not just throwing yourself out there blindly. You're like, What? What am I looking for? And can I uphold those standards, you know, in the face of a hot Instagram influencer looking bored? Like, Can I stick? Can I stick with my own standards that I want for myself and that I know that I deserve? Right? And then your next. Your next one is the chariot. So there's you. Just like going for it, you're like, Yeah, you know, I can, I can. And if it means I have to, you know, push my comfort level, you know, and and have to be, you know, say no and, you know, not people please and not avoid conflict or an uncomfortable moment, but actually say, no, thank you. That's not what I'm looking for. I mean, the chariot is great. It's it's a yes, it's victory, but it is a chariot of war. So are you going to go out and meet your soulmate right off the bat? Probably not. The chariot looks like a little bit of dating, but sometimes you know, being in the dating mix can really help you refine. It's like you're sparring, you know, you're like, you're building your skills a little bit through some interactions that are in the grand scheme of things, a little more low stakes. Your final card, I love so much. It's The Sun, OK? And that's where you want to be. The Sun is love. The Sun is Leo. It's romance. It's it's we all want to be in the Sun. So, you know, I see, I see that that is the place for you. You know, you are ready for love when you're like, This is my time. You're right. But that's that stupid thing about having to like, kiss kiss some frogs. It's real. I remember when I was like dating, like really dating as a sober person. For the first time, I was like, Oh my god, I'm kissing frogs. Well, it's so true, you know, before you find that person because you got to take chances on people. You know, that's that's the name of the game. There's no way around it, but you know, you don't. What you don't do when you're giving people the benefit of the doubt is you don't ignore red flags and you don't you don't sell yourself out. You know, you don't abandon yourself, you don't abandon, you know that all that self-care that you've done, how you've built yourself up, you protect that and you go after love. Does that make sense?

Querent: Yeah, and everything you said absolutely makes sense, and I appreciate it. It sucks because I think the person that he was pretending to be was definitely the guy that I wanted, but that's not who he is. So.

Michelle Tea: You got to be able to keep being a person, you know, beyond the first couple of dates.

Querent: Yeah, you're right. But boy, he couldn't hold it past two weeks. That's crazy.

Michelle Tea: Oh yeah, we'll get better that then, you know, keeping you strung along for a few months, right? So rejection is the goddess protection sometimes. So you just wish them well and go and find the person who's right for you. OK, I'll keep you posted. We love it. Take care. Good luck to you. I love when people come back, you know, and tell us what's going on. I love it. I just want to say, you're listening to ask the tarot. It's a live tarot room. It's here on Spotify Green Room every Thursday at six o'clock on the West Coast and nine o'clock on the East Coast. I do have a very important announcement, though. Besides, don't talk to scammers and that is next week. We're going to do this on Wednesday. OK, so like, you know, call in sick to work at a babysitter. Do you have to do? I'm leaving on Thursday. I'm flying to Spain for my honeymoon. Can you believe it? And you know, if I could do this show from the airplane, I would, but I don't think I can. That seems like a bad thing to to expect to work well. So we're going to do it the day before. If you love this room and you want to listen to back episodes, just go over to Spotify. Search your magic and it'll turn your magic is my podcasts, which you might also enjoy. But all the ask the tarots will be there as well. They're really they're fun to listen to because we get really interesting questions like this one. I'm going to read you right now, OK? I love this one so much. "I am distantly in love with a woman who makes chainmail. It is so hot and I think about her neck tattoo. She's an alcoholic and a thirty something crust punk, and I'm sure it's a bad idea. I also will never be cool enough for her. I am also in love with my friend, who is a painter. She is hot because she is smart, and she looks at me a long time. I am also in love with a long time college friend. She is a trust fund. She is a trust fund brat, but also carries an ethereal beauty and esthetic tork that has owned my body and soul for eight years." Oh my god. Can we just pause and tell this person, please write your book like, Oh, I mean, whatever? Who cares about these girls? Like, like, whoa, you're writing is so good. And like, use these muses. OK. All right. Anyway, let's continue. "I also love my boyfriend, who has very little idea that I fantasize about girls all the time. He's a cis male with a rare ability to appreciate my ball busting feminist tendencies, plus other other flaws." I don't know that that's a flaw co-parent, but OK, "I don't know what to do. Things are getting serious with the boyfriend. But I also acknowledge after a long struggle of internalized homophobia from close family and community that I'm having and have had these strong feelings and fantasies for some female friends for a long, long time. They haunt me daily. So my question for the tarot is, do I stay with my loyal, patient, caring, silly, financially generous cis male boyfriend who loves me a lot and that my family thinks I should? I'm insane for breaking up with. Or do I break up with him and explore my long secret desire to be with interesting, intellectually arousing lesbian lovers?" Oh my god, like this is a question that puts me out of business. You like, duh. Like, I mean, oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. "Disclaimer I don't know if any of the women I have listed would be with me back, but I wonder if there are other fascinating female fish in the sea." Oh my god, girl, there's nothing but fascinating female fish in the sea. Are you kidding me? Oh, and you've got the eyes to see it? Oh my gosh. Like, you've got you've got that romantic poet's gaze. Oh, you're going to find nothing but female fish. "P.S. My family would be so disappointed if I was gay." You know, something that might be true, but I bet not nearly as disappointed as you'll be and their homophobia. Am I right? Like, flip that shit. It's not OK. "There are high hopes that I will breed with a man." I'm sorry. That's disgusting. I just only know that term from pornography. And so I just don't even understand your family right now. Oh my god, you should have high hopes that they deal with their homophobia and start a flag, you know, spot in your town. And she ends with "I'm a Leo Sun, Gemini Rising Sag Moon, Virgo Venus."  Oh wow, you are so fine that Sag moon and I'm feeling that Sag moon.

Michelle Tea: Wow, you guys. I mean. Obviously, listen, this is what I'm reading for, it's like, do you stay with your your boyfriend who does an incredible OK, like, I love a dude like this. He sounds like one of those cool dudes that are out there. Those cool straight sets dudes that sadly always end up getting dumped when their girlfriends leave them for, you know, another, you know, women or queer or something, right? It's a type. It's a type. So listen, you're not going to stay with this person forever because this, you know, this queerness that's inside of you is so gorgeous and radiant and explosive. Like, you know, you're not going to be able to to sit with it. So what we really are asking is, are you ready to do it right now? This is a question about right now. So what does it look like for you right now to stay a little longer, to hide out a little longer with your very sweet boyfriend, who, by the way, it's not exactly fair that he doesn't get to be with his dream person who is maybe a little less gay than you? Right? Well, then OK, oh god. I want to pick so many different cards for this person. Okay, but what does it look like to stay? I just also want to say, like, you can also maybe talk to your boyfriend about this, right? Maybe he can be. You're you're right. It can be your training wheels. I had a boyfriend like that. He was my training, well, boyfriend and we were like, we like, made out with girls together when I was like 20. Was very cute. He was one of those boys who had a lot of lesbian girlfriends. So, OK, what does it look like for you to be like now? No, I am going to go out and find some fascinating female fish. You know, I'm going to go out there and I'm going to do it. I'm going to just, you know, follow my heart because this is our one human life. You guys, we are all spiritually minded, philosophical people. We all know that we don't really know what comes after this. This could be it. This could be it. And we are so lucky to be here, you know, in our little human bodies and get to experience each other. So you get to chase down, you know, I mean, you are definitely like a solid queer with that crush on the alcoholic crusty punk. I mean, if that isn't a rite of passage, what is? This is very interesting, you guys, is very interesting. Obviously, I just want this person to run away and join the queer circus, but the tarot has different advice. So staying with your boyfriend? Yes, but OK, the very first card that comes up is disappointment, right? The five of cups. This is your disappointment, OK? This isn't his disappointment. You're staying with him. And because of that, you're having to let go of what's truly in your heart from what it sounds like. So that's going to have an emotional toll on you. But then you actually have these two great cards. The next one is the 10 of discs wealth. There's your generous there's your boyfriend's generosity. But what I'm really looking at more than anything is the star. OK, because the star very much is ruling. It feels to me like a ruler of this question, you know, because the star wants us to be radical and follow our most radical dreams, our most radical visions, and lift everybody up into a higher consciousness through it. Right. So you know you coming out to your boyfriend, which I think this is what this is saying. Like, yes, you can stay with him, but you absolutely have to come out with him. It's going to give you deeper access to your wildest dreams. OK? And you're going to raise his consciousness in the process, which is which is going to be good for him. It's not fair to keep this information from him. It's not fair to either of you. And that's what that disappointment card is. Also, you know, when you when you do talk to him about it, you know, he might be hurt at first. You might have to like, give him, you know, he might not be like, Wow, you like girls? That's amazing. Excellent. He might feel confused or like you've been lying to him like a dupe, you know? So give him some space because it looks like you guys do come back together. I can't believe I'm going to say this. I feel like such an enemy of queer people everywhere. I'm just reporting what I'm seeing in the tarot here for you to bust out right now and follow your gay dreams. It looks it doesn't look as awesome as staying with your boyfriend for the moment. First, you get the princess of wands, which is very admirable. She's lovely, she's on fire. She's facing her fears, she's following her gut intuition. She's got the tiger by the tail. I mean, she's just wonderful and beautiful and and that is you, you know, embracing who you really are being honest about yourself and just jumping into it. Then you get the adjustment card, the justice card. That's kind of, you know, a little bit of a buzz kill. You know what I mean to get the adjustment card after this rush of pure energy and passion? And then it's like, you've got to tone it down, then you're having to think, OK, well, now what do I do? You know, I have to, you know, how am I going to talk about it? What's right? What's wrong? What's the right way to do it? How do I balance it? Certainly, these are questions that are waiting for you regardless, right? They're going to come for you. You're going to have to figure this out. But the final card in this poll is the four of cups that luxury card. It's not a good card in the top deck. It's it's a little emotionally unstable. It's like it's a little icky. You know, we just had it. It just came up for somebody for Kelsey, right? And it's sort of like, you know, you know, it's not it's not right. So I don't like this. I mean, this is a monumental thing for you to, you know, to express yourself in this way and deal with the consequences of it that will be present in your in your community. And I just want to see bigger cards that are giving you that are showing me that you've got the energy to do it right now. It looks like what you have the energy to do right now is to come out to your boyfriend and and start implementing some changes in your relationship. OK? Even if it's just about getting real, you know, I just, yeah, that's what you've got the energy for right now and more will be revealed. OK. Yeah. Oh my God. I just I was like, is more going to be revealed for this person? And I just picked the tower card. Yeah, girl, you're not going to get into your into your fun gay life without walking through the tower. So it's really OK to take your time and to build your strength and to pick your battles. But it seems like this this lovely boyfriend of yours is going to be your first ally. Good luck to you.

Michelle Te: Is that one or what? OK. Who else is here? Who else is here? Glory. Hello, glory. You are muted, so unmute yourself so we can chat. Sometimes it takes a minute. Sometimes it's hard to find where the mute button is. Sometimes you have to like, refresh the page. I'm going to give it another moment. Umm hmm. You guys, I made lentil meatballs for dinner and they're waiting for me downstairs. And I never want this room to end because I love it so much. But I am–

Querent: Oh, hello. Hi. Hello. Hey. Hi. I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened.

Michelle Tea: Oh, it's OK. It's it happens. There's a little echo of my voice. So when I'm when I unmute, but I'll shut up right now and you tell us what what you'd like to know from the tarot.

Querent: Thank you. So it's funny that the question about the last writer who is sounds like by just came in because I am also bi and my current boyfriend is bi and a couple of months ago. I found that out about him. I didn't know it previously. And I found it out in a really? The unfortunate way I found he told me that he downloaded a dating app for men and, you know, started to go and meet with a guy and then changed his mind and came clean to me about it. And it's just been this really big emotional upheaval, to say the least. But we've. You know, I debated breaking up with him for a long time. We've been in counseling for the past couple of months and things have gotten a lot better. I'm. He's been very remorseful and very committed again. And, you know, like. I think he felt similar things to what the previous writer was feeling, and it's kind of resolved those feelings throughout these past couple of therapy sessions and all the work that we've done together anyway. But I am at a. A bit of a crossroads in my life, I feel like. I've done a lot of things and emotionally, I didn't know I was capable of doing in this relationship. I always assumed I would just leave if somebody was ever unfaithful to me. And I've ended up putting in a lot of work, made a lot of breakthroughs. And I feel more optimistic about this relationship for the first time in a while, but I'm just wondering about our future together and. If we have one, if that was the purpose of us reconciling or if it was maybe to just get, you know, some kind of emotional closure for me. So I guess I'm just seeking some guidance in terms of. What to do regarding this relationship from here, if I should keep pursuing it and what does that look like or if maybe. You know, I've gotten the closure that I can have, and it's time to move on.

Michelle Tea: OK, I hear all of that, thank you so much for sharing such a vulnerable story and you know, it's I don't know, I guess it's maybe not the most common story in the world, but to me it feels like a very common story. I mean, people, so many people have desires that, you know, fall outside the realm of heterosexual, and pretty much everyone is raised to have that be not it not OK. So these desires get stamped down until somebody is, you know, suddenly finding themselves on Grindr behind the person they love back because there's so much shame and repression at work. So I have so much admiration for both of you, you know, for for your partner, for coming clean to you about it, you know, and for, you know, pushing your your edges in the relationship. But yeah, I hear what you're saying that there's like there's still a feeling of uncertainty. So I'm going to ask you this next little shuffle will be what does it look like for you to stay in it, you know, and to kind of keep keep together with this person after you've gone through so much and see what the future holds for you and verses, you know, is this supposed to be something else? Was this, you know, something a relationship that is that you're meant to leave? So I'm going to pick three cards on that as well. OK. All right. So see, huh? It's so interesting. This is seems like this is a major turning point for you. What you take away from this is going to be pretty huge. You know, regardless, if you stay or go and there's certainly benefits to both. OK, but each each read each poll has two major arcanas in it, which is telling me like, Well, this is major for you, and you can even hear it in your voice, right? But so staying staying in this relationship, your two major arcana cards are the priestess and the magician. That is so beautiful. I mean, the priestess is so much about like looking at what is hidden, looking at what is underneath. It's she's an excavator. You know, she wants us to know ourselves so well, and I feel like, you know, to have her kind of be a sort of, you know, patron guide of your connection with your partner is very beautiful. It means that you guys will be looking honestly at who you are and why you are who you are. It's also, you know, the priestess in a very contemporary way, I think is a stand in for therapy. So I love that you guys are availing yourself of that tool. I think that's going to be really good. But, you know, she just allows things to develop. She allows things to be what they are. And you know, I just did a workshop about the priestess on our Patreon, and she's she is the key to the priestess is transcending duality, right? And it's very mystical and it can be very puzzling and feel very paradoxical sometimes. But I think there is something to how she wants us to transcend duality. And you're in a relationship that's also wanting you to transcend a sort of binary, right? So I think that's really cool. And then the magician, you know, while the priestess is really internal, right, a lot of internal work, the magician is very external and he's like, OK, well, now, like, what changes are we going to make in our life? Like, what does this look like? What kind of a relationship do we want? What do we want to manifest? It's joyful. It's about taking agency. It's like you taking your agency and about, you know, I don't know, just taking responsibility for your desires, your partner, taking responsibility for his desires, figuring out how to meet where you guys meet up, right? Here's the thing, though, OK, in the middle, there is a rough card. It's a minor arcana card. So to me, in a way, it doesn't hold a candle to the beauty and power of the majors. And yet it's an important message that the terror wants you to be thinking about. It's the aid of cups. It's called endless. It's about neglect. It's about emotional neglect. OK. So in the midst of this, you know, if you do choose to stay and it does look like there's a lot of power in choosing to stay and create a whole new relationship, you must you must not neglect aspects of yourself or things that you want. You know, it's it can't be about, Oh, I'm just going to ride this out and see what happens. It's like, you need to really be, have agency and be and be a voice and creating this. And yeah, you can't. There's, you know, some things might get shuffled. You might have to look at different things and say, How much did I prioritize that? How important is it, really? But make sure you're really being honest because you know, if something really is important to you and you're saying that it's not like that's going to come back and bite you on the butt, then by both you guys on the bus. So, so that's what staying looks like, leaving is really interesting, I mean, for leaving the very first card is the chariot. It's like, don't let the door hit you on the butt on the way out, you're like, I'm out of here, room. I mean, you can definitely you can leave, right? And it would make sense. It would make a lot of sense for you to to do that. It would make a lot of emotional sense for you. It's a cancer card. So, you know, that's interesting. It makes me think of a couple of things it's like. Are you in leaving your partner as a result of, you know, as a consequence of what happened? Are you saying that even though you bisexual, you don't want your partner to be bisexual? Is there, you know, is it sort of like you have a vision of what you want your relationship to look like that you're really stuck with, you know, cancers have there. There's this the tenacity of cancers is great, and then the shadow side is really hanging on to things that maybe it's time to let go of. So you don't want to live in resentment. You want to look at your reasons for leaving. But damn yeah, you can leave. And it wouldn't be bad for you, right? You you go right into the success card is the card that's waiting for you. Six of discs, Moon and Taurus like feeling emotionally secure. I think this is speaking to how emotionally insecure the you know, the near you had like a near infidelity experience, right? And that really rattled you. And like, there is something about this path of leaving where you get to kind of regain your equilibrium and sort of ground down either into yourself or, you know, any future partners you have where you feel like maybe there's something that there's something about them that you can trust. But then the final card is the devil. So it's interesting, right? The devil card at the end, it makes me feel like you leaving is sort of like a running away from something sort of a situation because ultimately you're running into the devil and you know, the devil is a great teacher. The devil can be fun, but I don't know that that's, you know, if this was meant to show you like, Oh, if you leave, you're going to run into, you know, you're you're you're running into a really beautiful, fun, sexy future. There's other cards you would have gotten right. You could have gotten the Sun card or something, but you got the devil. So it's sort of like you can run, but you can't hide. You know, the devil is Capricorn at Saturn, and it's sort of like limitations like. So I really think that I really think there's something really important for you to sort out with with your partner. Does that resonate?

Querent: Oh my gosh. Yeah, that was that was so powerful. And it really it really just put into words a lot of the things that I think I've had swirling around in my mind and just didn't know how to voice. So thank you so much that that really meant a lot to me.

Michelle Tea: You're so welcome, and, you know, honestly, like people don't get like you don't get big, congratulations for doing really hard emotional work on themselves, right? It's so, it's so private. Nobody really throws you a party at the office for it, but you know, really pat yourself on the back for for, you know, dealing with all this stuff and your boyfriend too. Like, it's so, it's so cool. And oh my god, if everybody did the work that you guys are doing, I mean, people, you know, we'd have a planet full of self-actualized, honest and happy human beings, right? So I wish you both so much luck and insight and clarity.

Querent: Thank you so much. I appreciate it so, so much. That was amazing.

Michelle Tea: OK, I'm so glad. Take care of yourself. Wow, you guys were all living very, very intense lives, aren't we? And sometimes just being honest about who we are can be the hardest thing. Look at me, I'm providing a takeaway for this episode because it really felt like, wow, there is a bit of a theme here, huh? Thank you all for being such amazing. You know, ask the tarot community members. Thank you for the lively chat. Thanks for your questions. And so sorry that I can't get to all of you. We will do this again next Wednesday. Oh, one more little note. I had a computer like brain fart. My computer just had a horrible glitch, and I actually lost a bunch of Instagram questions that had come in. So if you had if you, you know, Instagram to me, a question on the past month, I would say there's a good chance I don't have it anymore, and I'm so sorry for that. I don't I still don't understand what happened, but it was like something quit on my computer and things weren't saved and I lost it. So send it again. Maybe there's an update. Who knows? We are saying next week will be the last week for a while. Well, that's sad. We will miss you, Connor. You're such a great part of of the chat and thank you for being here. Julianne, I see you have a question. You can either come back next week and raise your hand or you can shoot me on Instagram. I'm @michelleteaz T-E-A-Z and I'll do my best to get to it. And that goes for everybody who's wondering how, how to get their tarot cards. Read by me. OK, I wish you all a wonderful week. Good night.

Michelle Tea: Hello, friends. Remember to catch Ask the Tarot Live every Thursday at 9:00 PM Eastern on Spotify Green Room. You can join me for a journey through the cycles of life, love and aspiration in real time. Just download the Spotify Green Room app, sign up for free or use your Spotify login to join the conversation. Then you'll be able to hear live readings. Super interesting people and even ask the tarot questions of your own. Download Spotify Green Room for free today and join Ask the Tarot Live every Thursday.