Kimberly Drew: Minor Existential Crises

Art has an impact on our spiritual psyche, whether we realize it or not. Kimberly Drew, author of This Is What I Know About Art and co-editor of the Black Futures anthology, joins us this week to talk about the tarot card renaissance and being a hermit. Then, poet Thea Matthews shares a ritual to help us introspect and take stock of the joy in solitude.

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Kimberly Drew: I’ve been thinking a lot about how objects are separate from us and there is this charge that goes into it, it's this like expression of time or emotion or idea that is not the artist and is not the audience it like exists in this third space that is open for interpretation. And I love the tarot as as one of those types of things. It creates a dialog and holds it.

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Michelle Tea: Hello and welcome to Your Magic. I’m Michelle Tea, and today I’m spending time with the incredible Kimberly Drew, co-editor of the phenomenal Black Futures anthology and author of the deceptively pocket-sized This is What I Know About Art, a sort of Way Seeking Mind talk about her path to becoming an advocate and enthusiast for Black artists and her work making art spaces accessible and welcoming to Black audiences. We’re going to talk about domestic spaces, to hermit or not to hermit, and being a Leo. 

After that, we go to poet Thea Matthews, author of the collection Unearth the Flowers, which invokes the magic of flowers to aid in emotional and cultural healing. She’s going to share with us a morning ritual to reflect on the past and set intentions for the future.

Stay with us.

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Michelle Tea: When I quit drinking almost twenty years ago, I was sort of a mess. I’d removed my biggest coping mechanism for stress and trauma, which was also the portal through which I accessed my creativity, as well as medicine for my low-key social anxiety - slash - my go-to method of bonding with other humans, especially those I wanted to have sex with. On top of all that, it had insidiously become a big part of my identity.

Removing foundational alcohol made the house of cards that was my ego and personality come crashing down, and there was a physical effect, as well. As my body detoxed decades of booze I’d be struck with sudden fatigue or a dizzy spell; I craved ice cream and pastries and anything that oozed caramel. But sugar isn’t all I craved. I’d also used the altered state of consciousness drunkenness provided as a stand-in for spiritual experience. In the wake of my alcoholic reckoning, I craved transcendence. And I found it, most unexpectedly, in a painting hung on the wall at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. 

Mark Rothko No. 14, 1960, is a rectangular cloud of orange, fuzzy at the edges but with a throbbing density at the center. It  hovers over a smaller, more modest rectangle of blue, it’s royal hue almost made invisible by the command of the color above it. As I registered this work I moved toward it as if a fingersnap had recalled in me a pre-hypnotic suggestion; I moved toward it as if I could enter it. It seemed to be asking me to, that orange. It was a supernatural portal, the static television from Poltergeist, it wanted to gobble me, and I wanted to be eaten. I stood before it and let the vibrations overtake me. There was something about the darkness it emerged from; something, too, about that seemingly useless little bar of blue - it was integral, I understood, even as the dominant orange played upon my rods and cones, tripping neurological wires that shot messages of light to the back of my brain. I felt like a chemistry set, or an animal. I was enthralled. This psychedelic emotionality veered from the awe of revelation, to a cozy understanding of oneness with my own life, and that unique life’s placement in a cosmic whole. I felt all my sadness and all my joy in a banging about my insides, and tears sprang to my eyes. What the fuck was this piece of art doing to me? I sat on a bench the museum had thoughtfully placed before it - knowing, as I had not, the artist’s intention to emotionally overwhelm the viewer. The plaque on the wall read, Rothko used color and light to express inner perception and engage the viewer’s unconscious responses, creating work that is spiritual and emotional. He wanted his larger paintings to envelop and overwhelm, with sensuous colors that would act as a doorway into another, transcendent reality. 

Because the experience felt so holy, had left me feeling touched; it was easy to slide into the notion that my ability to be so moved by a piece of art was some sort of proof of how special I was. But I wasn’t, in fact, that special; the Rothko Chapel, an interfaith sanctuary the artist created a year before his death by suicide, is so likely to provoke extreme emotional experiences from its viewers, that the Chapel employs counselors to aid those whose overwhelm renders them briefly non-functional. 

In the Thoth Tarot deck, the Art card of the major arcana speaks of alchemy, and Rothko’s work with color rises to this notion of science and magic coalescing to create something mythical and new. It took some base materials - my physical depletion as a result of alcohol abuse, and the spiritual yearning unleashed by my detox, combined with the intentional use of color, and created within me the philosopher’s stone, pure gold, a deeply felt, radiant experience. 

Art doesn’t always move us in such a physical manner, tho it often does. And even when its effect upon us is more subtle, it is always there, working its magic on our psyche, winding into our unconscious, the places where intuition and sorcery reside, altering us in some numinous way, bringing us a little bit closer to both our collective humanity and individual divinity.

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Michelle Tea: Kimberly Drew, I'm really excited that you are here on your magic. Thank you for being with us today.

Kimberly Drew: Yes. Thank you so much for having me.

Michelle Tea: Have you had your tarot cards read before in life? You might have. Yeah, you're a lovely woman. OK, cool.

Kimberly Drew: No, I love it.

Michelle Tea: Do you have like a deck of your own or anything?

Kimberly Drew: I do, but I like have that interesting thing because I I don't know if a superstition is that you're supposed to be gifted cards. So I have a pair that I bought and I do not touch, but like, have a deck of Miss Cleo? Like, remember that like coming out for free reading like infomercial of Miss Cleo deck that I just couldn't leave where I found. But I don't have. I have yet to be gifted my own set.

Michelle Tea: Listen up world. Kimberly Drew has yet to be gifted with her own set of tarot cards. You know, I like that. I like that superstition in that it encourages like gift giving, which is really sweet and cute. And I don't like it because it inhibits tarot acquisition, you know? And honestly, most superstitions about about tarot are just like a load of bunk. I just say, like, if they're fun for you, adopt them in your life. And if they are actually like preventing you from, you know, exploring, then they're probably they're probably no good. But I I've heard about the Miss Cleo deck, and I love that you're talking about her because I'm at the moment working on creating a deck and creating a queer deck and Miss Cleo was a lesbian, which I didn't freakin know. I see by your face. You didn't in either. The woman who played it has no idea how the women are portrayed.

Kimberly Drew: Lesbians everywhere.

Michelle Tea: Lesbians everywhere, even miss Cleo is a lesbian. I like is Miss Cleo, the high priestess for this queer tarot deck, and I'm like, But she was like a fake psychic, but like a real icon. So it's like really hard. I'm like, Really? I'm really torn. I'm really torn because I can imagine an amazing image of her with like phones and tarot cards all around her, you know,

Kimberly Drew: Also, I'm like forgetting this person's name now, which shows you like my cultural like breaks. But there is this person I feel like named Walter.

Michelle Tea: Walter Mercado.

Kimberly Drew: Yes. Oh, like that would be a super dope high priestess card.

Michelle Tea: Thank you for just creating my frickin tarot deck for me, Kimberly Drew. That was amazing. Yeah. Walter Mercado is absolutely a high. Wow. Yeah. All right, cool. Well, what? What would you like to know about?

Kimberly Drew: I have been thinking a lot about domestic spaces and not just in like the literal sense of where to live, but spaces for quiet has been something that I've been meditating a lot on and would love any guidance or information about how I should be constructing the spaces. If my therapists were here, she would talk about how we're we're building the spaces that allow us to see ourselves. And so that's that's where I'm at.

Michelle Tea: This is some real hermit card energy. The hermit, you know, is all about crawling, going and finding the cave on the mountain that you go sit in by yourself and it is it is like so that you can get more in touch with what your real truth is and what your real essence is. Apart from the clamor of the of society, that's always influencing us and always like taking up space. But it's that like Virgo sort of idea of purity. It's like just like a purity of essence. Like, Who are you? Really? What are you? What do you really want? What are you really thinking about? You know, shut the world out and be silent. And just like, find your own little inner light, like the hermits always carrying a lantern. What sign are you?

Kimberly Drew: I was like, do you want to guess?

Michelle Tea: I kind of feel like kind of, what are you a Sagittarius?

Kimberly Drew: No, but I love that. Very close. OK. Capricorn.

Michelle Tea: Leo, I'm like Capricorns geographically close, but Leo is energetically close. Oh gosh, you're such you are Leo. You've immersed yourself in art. Your whole world is art. You have incredible hair. You're Leo. What's your other stuff?

Kimberly Drew: Yes. Pisces rising. And so even more on the like creativity, feeling, connecting. And then Taurus Moon, which is like, I want all that, but the nicest version of all of that stuff.

Kimberly Drew: I have like more Taurus and Capricorn than anything else. I have one Leo placement, but I like radiate Leo Energy, which is hilarious. And Cancer Venus, which is also like, I want to share this not as instruction, but as a possibility.

Michelle Tea: Wow. OK, so you clearly have such a strong handle on your astrology. Do you have an astrologer that you go to?

Kimberly Drew: I don't. I don't.

Michelle Tea: Wow, you're just you're good at it, just even just your own. I just think is really smart.

Kimberly Drew: Just curious and then have been a very happy patron of of Chani, of course, whom we all worship for years.

Michelle Tea: OK, I have. I was going to pick for you about your silence, your need for silence. I was I was going to pick from the just a basic tarot deck, the toxic that I use. But it's like it's not going to give you the information I want, but there is a deck that will.

Michelle Tea: So there's this Oracle deck I use for things like this that's sort of like when you're like, What's my what's my process? What should I be looking for for things that are sometimes the tarot is a little rough, like you just get a bunch of swords and you get these, you know, really archaic imagery. And I don't know, this is this is a really great oracle deck. It's called vessel. So your your question is basically your needing to carve out spaces for silence. You call them domestic spaces, but it's not necessarily about a home per se. It could be other spaces. So I'm going to ask this oracle deck what are the guiding energies? What are the energies you should be paying attention to, positive and negative influences that are sort of guiding you towards these spaces? In this idea of silence in retreat, it seems like.

Kimberly Drew: Like security. Stability? I've been having so many conversations about, like the parts of ourselves that we reserve for ourselves that are outside of projections on us and how do we, you know, angle around like, OK, this is the fortress and then all these other things can happen. And I think also like at this phase of the pandemic to so many of us are, OK, do I hermit or not? And what what version of myself am I coming into and how how do I think about sharing that.

Michelle Tea: These are really deep questions. Have you found that the pandemic has made you more or less of an extrovert?

Kimberly Drew: Oh, it's been a wild ride, I am pretty confident that I'm an extrovert in the most essential sense. I need other people to keep my energy going. Like, I think oftentimes people think about introversion or extroversion as this like desire to be around others, which isn't necessarily where I am. But I see it more of like an energetic exchange like introverts are overwhelmed by the energies of others. Extroverts are informed and enlightened by the energy of others. And so for me, whether that's physical space or just touch more touch points, I'm very like, classically extroverted.

Michelle Tea: So I've had some cards here for you about like what? It's really interesting what's come up. And then I did end up picking some, some actual tarot cards too, just to get a richer vibe, especially richer information, especially since you're talking about a sort of almost in a practical external way, like what do I, you know, how do I look for silence? And then you're also like, Who is this person? I'm becoming post-pandemic, like? You know, as we as the pandemic shifts and I shift like, so I kind of wanted I was like, I feel like the tarot can bring out some cards for that, but for the energy sort of informing and asking to be looked at as you pursue silence. The first one is make. This card is called make, and it's just like all these hands. It's all these hands almost making like a tree. I don't know. Maybe I just got Christmas tree on the brain because I got a big one downstairs.

Kimberly Drew: But but it does. It's giving a very Christmas.

Michelle Tea: It's like a Christmas tree made of hands. Yeah, there's some red stars and there's like energy shooting off at the top. So like, it's really interesting that you know, the way I'm take the the way I'm thinking about that is like, you know, obviously this is something that you have to make. This is this is yours to actually hands on, create like there's no there's not necessarily a template for it, either, maybe in our culture, in your life, like it's really something that you're even though there's, of course, traditions of silence, you know, everywhere. But it's like, you know, this is very specifically for you and your place in time and what is it going to look like for you? And I also think that it's saying like, I mean, you are a creator and it's like, this is important for you to be able to continue to make, you know, to continue. You need to make the space for non-action so that you can then make. And also, you got this really lovely card, which is called light, and it's just a bunch of lights, little bunch of stars, shining stars. And again, it's making me think of that hermit. You know, the hermit in the traditional tarot is carrying a lantern. It's all about finding your inner light and just like allowing your let your inner light to guide you. My guess, is you probably already have some ideas about how to do this, you know, some some sort of into intuitive hunches or places, places that are calling you. There's something kind of North Star about it, you know, like following, you know, following your star. And again, just like this is so that you can get in touch with your own light, you know, with your own inner light and shine brighter. And then this is a very interesting card you got at the very end you got the childhood card. So I'm wondering about there's a lot of different ways to read this and interpret this in a question like this. The first is, I'm wondering, is there anything about silence in quiet spaces of aloneness that you remember from childhood places where you got to be alone as a child and it was, you know, in a self nurturing way? That's one thing. There's also, I mean, this card does also represent a little bit the inner child. So it's sort of like, is that is that also the part of you that needs this space like away from sort of adulting away from grown up preoccupations away from, you know, the way that adult life, especially when you're in a creative field, which is always at least a little bit freelancing, you know, you're kind of always it's a grind, it's a hustle. And it's like, can you take your little child away from that where it's almost play? It's almost like wanting instead of this sort of. It's a counter to this, this more esthetic hermetic hermit idea where it's like this little kid playing by itself, you know, in a patch of grass someplace or just like connecting with itself. And then I was just like, what is the larger need for this that's happening internally for you where you are? Like, You know, who am I on the on on this side at this stage of the pandemic, everything we've been through as a culture, everything you've been through individually. The very first card you have here is this great science card. It's the six of swords. It's really it's a super smart card. It's about, you know, the swords. The suit of swords in the tarot is often how we're our own worst enemy. We use our powers of mind to sort of worst case scenario, to worry, to tear ourselves down. This is about using the powers of mind to, you know, be rational and to be self-protective in a way that's really great. I mean, this the illustration, the weird lines and geometry that are in the back of this card. It's actually a fencers map showing where a fencer can stand and be invulnerable. So it's about like using our mental skills to map out a terrain where we can be safe, right, in a way. And in the in the in the Rider-Waite and those tarot cards, it's always shows like a family in a boat that's moving away. It's moving away from like rough seas to commerces. So it's about like, how can we strategize an easier life for ourselves? You know where we can just be safe and have what we want and know we're living our smartest life. So this is great. It's Mercury in Aquarius, so it's often about having to think in ways that are Aquarian, which is radical. You know, outside works like just like, weird, you know, like a weird, a weird way to think about something. I mean, you know, and I think this ties into like your need for solitude and like a kind of a radical solitude. And what does that look like? I think it's part of this card. And then you have the Princess of Swords. She is the rabble rouser of this, of the tarot deck. She is just like, you know, the story behind this card is, you know, that kind of structure behind her is a temple. The temple is is like bad. The temple is just like not doing things correctly. It's it's corrupt. And she could ask to speak to the manager and she is not going to do. That is not her way. She's going to just destroy the temples, just tearing it down. She's like, It's beyond salvation. You know, we need to start over again with a whole new temple. So this is just like warrior energy. It's like this and it's righteous warrior energy. And again, it's it's that mental air sign stuff, you know, of of of this. And so it's like, you know, so much of the work that you do in the world is about like tearing down old corrupt structures and like that is a tremendous amount of energy. So all the more need for this like silent space where it's like, you know, where you can just like reconnect with child you, a more innocent way of looking at the world where you're just kind of like, Oh shit, before you hit the. This all needs to change, and at least some part of that is on my shoulders. I've got to actually do that work. You know, but where you can just be like, take a breath and play all the more need for that because you, you have this Princess of Swords element to your personality. That's really important, you know? It's so like again, just having, you know, read through your book and like how your your story so much is about refining, like where your heart really lies and like who you really what are what artists, art audiences and art institutions. You really have your heart that you really want to dedicate your work to how it's like a refinement. And it's like, you know, there's something about her where it's like, you hear refinement. You have these large art institutions that are really white and they're really moneyed and they're just so there's such a symbol of this like class that, you know, people are taught to believe they should aspire to. And it's like, she's the opposite. She's not aspiring to that. She's not aspiring. She's aspiring to something that is so much more important and deeper. And it's about access, it's not about capitalism really, just hearing, just hearing, you know, the temple down and then your final, your final card, here is the ten of cups which is Satiety. And this is an interesting card because in a lot of decks, the 10 of cups is like full circle. It's beautiful and you can like rest and there's an element of rest in it, which I think that your need for silence is also on some level, a need for a rest. But the Satiety in this, the read here is that like water should always be in motion. Water can't be at rest for too long because it becomes stagnant. And so in this card, it's like you've gotten everything you've wanted. You know, you've hit the ten, so you've completed the cycle. Huzzah! But then also, it's time to turn those caps upside down and bring in the ace with new fresh water in a whole new a whole new thing. So I would I would say that like this idea of like, you know, needing needing retreat space for yourself. It's like, OK. I have like been your centerpiece card I've been a warrior, I've been out there advocating for myself and others. I've been tearing down structures that shouldn't exist anymore. And it's like, now, you know, how can I do all of that more smartly so that I can, you know, check in with myself? And just like maybe a way that was smart for me five years ago isn't smart for me anymore. Like, how do I just like, reconsider where I'm at, what I need and like, put together structures that are really self-supporting so that I don't so that I can kind of keep inspiring myself and not not keep doing the same thing, you know? And like, she's not really going to let you keep doing the same thing. The Princess of Swords energy she's always on to. She wants to conquer the next thing. You know, she's always on to the next thing. But yeah, there's this idea of just sort of like, OK, you do need to take a breath and like, recognize where you've come from and what you've accomplished so that you can then knock it all down and kind of start over again.

Kimberly Drew: That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, I love it. It's very funny, I had dinner with another Leo last night and we were talking about what happens when we get bored because it's just like, the what's that the adage? It's like the devil's idol.

Michelle Tea: The devil makes work idle hands.

Kimberly Drew: Yes, and it's very funny, because it's like, yes, there is this way that I think, you know, I've been very fortunate and I and I say this often not necessarily to be very successful, but to have found a space to thrive and a space that I really want to invest in and from that have found opportunity. And I've had incredible mentorship and have been very well cared for it to be able to ascend in the ways that I have. And also, what does it mean to then have this moment that all of us were forced into of reconciling who we are and how we want to be in the world? Because I think no matter whether you are in the workforce every day or having to commune, you know, and in spaces that feel risky, the questions that we were asking ourselves in this pandemic context are unique. They just simply are when the ways that we breathe and move there is an inherent violence and potential for danger. We're losing incredible thinkers left and right. There are just these broader questions. And what do we do with those things, I think is something that we all kind of share in a way. But I love, even like the ten of cups, feels really resonant because I have been having like these minor existential crises where friends are like, You got to chill, but I'm like, No, I just feel like on the precipice of something different. And if I don't figure out what those things are, it's I can feel it starting to hurt.

Michelle Tea: That is exactly that layout of cards like I feel I'm on the precipice of something different and I need to figure it out or else it's going to hurt. That is the name of those three cards together. Like that Princess of Swords. She's always pushing you to something different. Right? The the the six of swords. I have to figure it out. I have to figure it out in a smart way to protect myself. And then, yeah, that that like, that's a Satiety card that ten of cups of like, yeah, you can't you can't live here. You can't live here. We're sorry. You know, you must move on. You must move on, you know, and you know, thankfully you have a chart that wants that for you, even though you also have those elements that also want you to cozy up somewhere, too. So that must be a little hard, but it seems like that you're just like, you're beating Leo heart will always be kind of like pushing you out into the next thing that satisfies your own personal need for inspiration. You know, that keeps you going.

Kimberly Drew: And also, I was like scrolling over here my first my my mercury is in Virgo, which I feel is really a lot of who I am.

Michelle Tea: Yeah, you have all the earth signs and you have all the earth signs. So you've got this chart that just gives you this amazing like ability to manifest in the world. Like to to be able to like to make a living, to make money, to gain acclaim, all the things that the suit of Earth sort of offers us. And then it's through Leo. It's through this charismatic, loving, creative energy, right? And then the Pisces, which is just sort of again, like your ability to, I'm guessing, get really get lost in art, you know, and have like, have you had spiritual experiences with artworks?

Kimberly Drew: You know, it's interesting I have, and I haven't. There was a point where I found myself not necessarily numb, but I was seeing so many things that I didn't feel as much anymore. And I was thankful for that because it meant that my appetite was at full. But then also when I would see things that I really loved, I was, you know, you're just like, Oh my God, I feel so strongly like one of my favorite artists is Ann Hamilton, the sound artist. And seeing this piece of hers, called 40 Part Quartet, is one of my favorite works. Because you, you step into this room, there's 40 speakers. All these singers are singing a different octaves, and it is. It's just impossible not to feel the energetic eruptions from the room. The way that it's it's designed, like there's just so many different like sensory aspects to it, even though it is a sound piece. But yeah, there's there's definitely things that stick out. But yeah, it's from this point where it's like, I see a lot of it, and I'm curious for you to especially like even thinking about different decks and how to commune with others like where? I guess not. So the freshness, but like, how do you maintain that relationship or what does it look like to keep from having like your water be stale?

Michelle Tea: That is a really great question. So that's true. I have found that working with the same deck, you know, I've been I'm 50. I've been reading since I was 15, so it's like, sometimes I'll get really, I'll realize I'm stuck in one little aspect of a card because especially, you know, reading with a card like the, you know, the top deck, it's so chock full of different sort of occult imagery and symbolism. You could kind of study one card forever. And I'll just sort of really hone in on one essence to the detriment of the kind of the holistic ness of the cards. So I kind of constantly, you know, even a card, even a deck like the top deck that I can read without, you know, the guidebook, I will still study those books on my own just to kind of always remind myself that there's more to it. And then it's so fun that we're having this tarot card renaissance where so many people are innovating the tarot and, you know, putting their own stamp in there. It's putting their own take on the images and the meanings. It ends up like they inform each other, you know, so even though I sort of try to stick like, you know what you know, I'm reading with the top deck. So, you know, if you got the seven of cups in the top deck, you're going to get, you know, Crowley's interpretation that is becoming eroded a little bit, even though that's my intention because I can't help but be influenced by all these other voices that are like seven of cups is also a little like this. Well, it's also a little like that. And I don't know. I like that. That's what makes that. The Tarot I feel like a living, breathing piece of art that's like constantly. It's alive.

Kimberly Drew: I think a lot about how, you know, objects are separate from us and there is this charge that goes into it, whether it's something that like, it's this like expression of time or emotion or idea that is not the artist and is not the audience it like exists in this third space that is open for interpretation. And I love the tarot as as one of those types of things where it's like, you know, there is this way that you can describe these things and they can float in the ether. But how it lands is so unique to each individual interaction, and I kind of am obsessed with those opportunities to commune and interpret that way. I love any kind of object that that creates a dialog and holds it because it's not either of the humans that are interacting with it.

Michelle Tea: It is totally that it's like this really amazing bridge. I guess maybe there's a way that all art has a little bit of that task to stimulate our intuition. If you think about like, you know, ideally you want it to penetrate down into some sort of deeper region of the way we think and feel and where those thoughts and feelings meet up. But yeah, I like that. Yeah, that's your Virgo Mercury.

Kimberly Drew: Yeah, my Virgo Mercury is like, give me data, I want so much data, Silva shouted. I want to arrange it and I want it to all go and the places that it needs to go into. And then all the other like touchy feely points on my chart, I feel like, ah, like and that's what makes you and you and you beautiful.

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Thea Matthews: So the daily practice that I have for introspection, sake of solitude, right of being with oneself is that every day upon awakening old brick and mortar style, if you will, where the journal right paper and pen and reflect where I look and review the previous day and the sense of like, what were the best memories, you know, the best memories of that day. So getting like slowing real down and writing out like these like best memories and it's not like, oh, firecrackers and what have you? You know, it could be something that's so subtle, but it's like, Oh, what did I essentially bear witness to? And then from there, like going from memory, it's like, OK, what are the ways in which I connect with myself, with the world and I just write that down? At least three and that can be showing up to my craft connect in the sense of showing up to just the practice of writing. Who did I talk to? Right. Or ways that I was able to just be immersed in the moment? The next is the three ways to contribute any actions that I took. That were not in this strict tight grip of my desires, right of my wants, of what's in it for me. Right. So this category of contribution is where I get to step out. Right. So this is like me pen paper by myself. But writing this out and then next is like the three ways to create it can just be also as simple as like, Oh, I play with makeup today too, you know, even though I might be alone, I'm still like having a conversation with a poet's work with who preceded me, right? And then I go into the gratitude list, right where it's a departure from isolation, departure from loneliness. I mean, I could still even feel lonely. But still, it's like there's a sense of ground firm ground that I'm standing on when I'm engaging in this practice. And then when I go into, like today, I'm grateful for, like, what am I grateful for so much like my body, my breath? Access to Wi-Fi, electricity, access to clean running water. Gratitude, definitely. It's a profound act of humility where I acknowledge my privilege, right, where I get to give thanks to what is given to me and then also what I get to give and the people that I get to come across and the animals that I get to see. And then we get into affirmations and affirmations as a strong, powerful practice. And so I do this daily and I don't care about redundancy. If sometimes it's an affirmation keeps repeating, it needs to be repeated like, OK, I'm still doing the work with it and sticking to the number three. So at least three affirmations to have, you know, for instance, it's like one of my affirmations was I have the right to be safe. I have the right to be at peace, I have the right to be happy. And then we get into three joys at least right. So what are three joys? And so, you know, the whole premise of what I'm describing is mostly a reflection of the day prior to this can all be for the day ahead to the joy. It can be like, Oh wow, I got to have a solo dance party. I like blasted Prince in my room for me. Historically, joy was scary. It was fleeting. And then when I really became a workaholic in some sense, joy again is not like ecstasy or bliss, you know, that's something to, I thought, write off like, well, Joy's blacking out. And it's like, No, not anymore. Last, but certainly not least. Are what are three attributes that I intend to practice, and this is always looking ahead, not kind of like a reflection of the day prior. But what are three attributes to practice today, right? So it's like humility is big for me, right? Honesty or humor? You know, an attribute could be acceptance, you know, and even just writing it down. It's like that act of humility. It's an act of willingness, right of like, am I ready to act? That is my daily practice and part of what I do. Alone like that really grounds me and allows me to be entirely present, be entirely here, not like 50 percent or 40 percent like the 110. Here we go like a hundred, like a full 100 percent present.

Michelle Tea: Thank you Thea Matthews, for sharing that beautiful, personal practice with us. So much wisdom and humor, and so accessible! I feel inspired. I bet you do, too. If you want to feel even more inspired, check out Thea’s poetry collection, Unearth the Flowers. 

At the end of this episode I’m feeling very grateful for art, which feels so akin to magic in that it is something that lives inside us, to varying degrees, something that moves through us, that can connect us to the divine and to one another. Seek some out today, at a community art space or gallery, at a museum or online, maybe in your own home, taking a deeper look at what you have on your walls, or what moves through your own creative hands. Check out the Black Futures anthology, edited by Kimberly Drew and Jenna Wortham. Art is a ritual we can all participate in. 

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Michelle Tea: Thanks for tuning into Your Magic. Make sure you follow us on Twitter and Instagram @thisisyourmagic. You can rate us and subscribe right here on Spotify — do what you need to do to never miss an episode. You can email us at hello@thisisyourmagic.com, we would love to hear from you. And you can support us — plus get access to a whole bunch of bonus content — at patreon.com/thisisyourmagic.

This episode was produced and edited by Molly Elizalde, Tony Gannon, and Vera Blossom. We got production support from Angelica Crisostomo. Our executive producers are Ben Cooley, myself, and Molly Elizalde. Our original theme music is by John Kimbrough. 

Thanks for listening!